Space Boyfriends
by IAmTheRedLady
Summary: A collection of oneshots about the Doctor and the Master. Includes all eras, Classic, New, and non-canon. Funny, cute, angsty, cracky, sad, but always full o' Time Lord love. R
1. Caught In The Act

**Welcome to "Space Boyfriends", a collection of short stories about our two favorite Time Lords. Warning: if you don't ship Doctor/Master, you might as well leave right now. Go on, have your lovely beans on toast. Thank you! Oh, and reviews are appreciated!**

* * *

Title: _Tegan Didn't Mean To See That_, or, _Caught In The Act_  
Starring: Fifth Doctor/Ainley!Master, and a very horrified Tegan Jovanka.  
Summary: Tegan walks into the TARDIS and finds the Doctor with someone...unexpected. (Humor)

* * *

"Doctor? Doctor, I-_Doctor_!" The poor Australian flight attendant barged into the TARDIS and was shocked to find the Doctor, shirtless and sweaty, lying on the floor, his arms raveled around none other than the Master, also shirtless and sweaty.

"Ah, ah, Tegan!" exclaimed the Doctor, brushing his shaggy blonde hair out of his face. His eyes were wild, and his cheeks and neck were bright red. "The Master and I...we were just-"

"Doctor, what the hell are you two doing?!" Tegan sputtered.

"Well, we were...I was just...arresting the Master!" said the Doctor. "But he was resisting, so I had to get a bit physical. Not to worry though, Tegan. I've everything under control. Come on, you!" The Doctor put the Master into a headlock and pinned his arms behind his back. "I'm taking you to the... intergalactic... prison... facility... place."

"Oh, oh, er, damn you, Doctor!" said the Master, playing along. "Someday, I shall get my revenge, and, and, er, you will all perish!"

"Why are you both half dressed?!" Tegan shouted.

"Oh, well, er...well...I-I didn't have any handcuffs, so I had to improvise some restraints!" The Doctor undid his belt and secured the Master's wrists with it. "There! That'll teach you to try and take over the universe!"

Tegan stared at the Time Lords in slight horror and slowly backed out of the TARDIS, then ran out altogether.

The Doctor let out a sigh of relief. "That was a close one."

"Indeed." The Master gave the Doctor a mischievous smirk. "Love the belt touch, by the way." He winked.

The Doctor blushed furiously. "Yes, well...where were we?


	2. The Master's Valentine

Title: _The Master's Valentine  
_Starring: Fifth Doctor/Ainley!Master, and a matchmaking Rani.  
Summary: The Doctor receives a letter the Master never meant to send. (Written originally on Valentine's Day, 2014.) Sonnet by yours truly!

* * *

_I'll be your villain, and you be the hero. _  
_You save the day, and I'll go to jail. _  
_You be the leading man, I'll be the zero. _  
_You be my enemy, and I promise to fail. _  
_You save the girl, and I'll take the fall. _  
_Our rivalry will spread across the lands. _  
_I'll be the greatest adversary of all. _  
_If you promise to foil my plans. _  
_Without you, I have no purpose or meaning. _  
_My life would surely be a bore. _  
_You're why I go on plotting and scheming. _  
_Our battles are what I live for. _  
_I promise to be the worst of your nemeses. _  
_Won't you say that we can be enemies?_

The Master smiled to himself as he put the tenderly written poem into a red envelope. He licked the edge of the flap, then stuck it down. My dear Doctor, he wrote on the back of the envelope in elegant cursive...then threw the valentine in the trash can. Laughing at himself, he walked out of his office and down to his Earth lab.

But someone was already there.

The Doctor was sitting at the table, his long beige jacket and white hat hanging on the coat rack. The Time Lord was intensely reading a familiar looking piece of paper. He looked up when the Master came in. "Master, what is this?" he asked, sounding uncomfortable.

The Master leapt practically three feet into the air. "Doctor! How did you find me? And where did you get _that_?!"

"It was slipped under the door of my TARDIS, along with an anonymous note with coordinates on where to find you. Master, please tell me this isn't what I think it is," said the Doctor nervously.

"It was...just a little sonnet I wrote up. I'd recently visited Elizabethan England, and this Shakespeare fellow inspired me."

"Yes, well, it was very beautifully written," said the Doctor quickly, noting at how the Master smiled at this bashfully for a millisecond, but then regained his composure. "But it was in a red envelope, with 'my dear Doctor' inscribed on it."

"Doctor, I do believe you're taking this whole thing out of proportion," said the Master, doing a poor job of hiding the fact that he was freaking out at the moment. "I simply wanted your literary opinion on my poem. I was going to send it to you, but then I decided you'd probably be too busy saving those ridiculous little human pets of yours or something. So I discarded it."

The Doctor studied the Master long and hard, making the Master even more nervous than he already was. "Are you quite sure, Master? Because this seems...this seems like a Valentine's Day card."

The Master scoffed at this. "A _Valentine's Day_ card?" he repeated incredulously, but was seriously sweating now. "Don't be preposterous! You know I don't participate in such silly human traditions!"

"Oh really? We're on Earth, are we not? And tell me, what day is it?"

"February fourteenth. But the date has nothing to do with my correspondence. I simply wanted your professional opinion. Nothing more."

The Doctor sighed and put his hat on. "Alright, Master. If you're sure."

"I'm positive."

"Pity," said the Doctor, putting on his jacket and shoving his hands into his pockets. "I assume you won't be wanting my Valentine now."

"What?!" said the Master, completely taken by surprise.

"Good day." With a tip of the hat, the Doctor began to head for the door.

"Wait, Doctor!" exclaimed the Master quickly. "I mean...I suppose...an exchange of tokens wouldn't...be _completely_ inappropriate."

"Oh no. I wouldn't want to make matters awkward for you," said the Doctor.

_Well, you've certainly done a poor job of that!_ thought the Master. "Oh, come now. We're both mature adults. Surely we don't have to play these adolescent games."

_Funny. I'm not the one acting like a twitterpated schoolgirl,_ mused the Doctor. "Well, alright. I simply came here to give you this," he said, quickly closing the gap between the two Time Lords, raveling his arms around the Master's neck, and kissing him earnestly.

The Master was again taken by surprise, but that didn't stop him from kissing the Doctor back, pulling him closer, and slightly moaning.

* * *

The Rani listened from outside the lab door, chuckling to herself triumphantly. She knew slipping the Master's valentine to the Doctor would make the romantic fool come rushing to his arms. The Rani had tired of the way the Master mooned over the Doctor, the way he made up these pathetic little schemes just to get his attention, doodling hearts all over his blueprints. Now he and his space boyfriend could snog till their four hearts were content.

_Oh Master,_ thought the Rani, rolling her eyes. _What would you do without me?_


	3. Our Tree House

**Changing things up with Eleven and the CumberMaster. Because is the idea of Matt Smith and Benedict Cumberbatch making out (and other things) not incredibly hot? Beware of nosebleeds, children. ;)**

* * *

Title: "Our Tree House"  
Starring: Eleven/Cumberbatch!Master, a matchmaking TARDIS, and confused Ponds.  
Summary: The TARDIS lands on a mysterious forest planet, where the unsuspecting Doctor will discover an old friend.

* * *

"Doctor? Where are we?" asked Amy Pond, looking curiously outside the double doors of the TARDIS.

"On one of the jungle moons of Solonoid-Centauri Seven," said the Doctor, scrutinizing the monitor intensely.

"And why are we here?" inquired Rory, her husband.

"Don't know, really," said the Doctor, puzzled. "According to the TARDIS databanks, this moon is devoid of complex life. She just…dropped us here."

"What do we do?" said Amy.

"Hmm," said the Doctor, rubbing his extraordinary chin. "Better stay here while I go out and investigate."

Rory started to protest, but Amy cut in and said, "Alright Doctor, we'll stay here."

The Doctor made his way over to the door. "Oh, where have you brought me, you sexy thing?"

Sonic screwdriver gripped in hand, the Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS and closed the doors behind him.

"Come on," whispered Amy, waving Rory over to the door. "Let's follow him." But as soon as she opened the doors, they promptly shut themselves and would not reopen.

"What the-?" Amy tugged at the doors, frustrated. "We can't get out."

"Um, Amy," said Rory, glancing nervously up at the ceiling. "Maybe she doesn't want us to follow him."

"She? The TARDIS?" Amy too, looked up at the ceiling of the room. "Why not?"

* * *

The Doctor had strayed away from the TARDIS, and was now hiking through the forest. There was a thick layer of fog blocking out any and all sunlight. The Doctor had the urge to cry out, to see if anyone was around, but stayed silent.

The Doctor stopped and looked around to get his bearings. But every direction looked the same to him. He was lost. The Doctor swallowed and nervously straightened his bowtie.

Suddenly, he heard a noise over his shoulder, like footsteps through a pile of leaves. He whirled around, pointing his screwdriver in the direction of the disturbance. "Hello?" he called out. "Who are you?"

Against his better judgment, he followed the noise.

About forty paces later, the Doctor came across a tall tree, with a rope ladder suspended from a higher branch. But when the Doctor looked up to see where it led, his sight was constricted by the opaque mist.

The Doctor cautiously approached the ladder to inspect it, but he stepped on something on the ground. He lifted his rather large foot to find a simple red rose, slightly crumpled now by the Doctor's giant clodhopper, with a note attached to it.

_Do come up, my dear._

The Doctor sighed. "River Song. Of course."

So he climbed up. And it was a long way up, too.

Finally, when the Doctor reached the apex, he found himself standing inside a huge tree house. Actually, it was more like a tree mansion, what with the size of it. It was almost too big to be perched in this tree. The room was dimly lit with several candles, and the whole room smelled of roses like the one he'd found at the base of the tree. And of course, in the center of the room, there was a large queen sized bed, dressed in elegant and comfy looking linens and down.

"Hello?" the Doctor said again, gazing around the dark room for any signs of life. "Is anyone here?"

He gasped in surprise as suddenly, arms wrapped around his chest from behind. "River, please don't scare me like that," he admonished.

There was a dark chuckle that was most certainly male as the Doctor's assailant gently kissed his neck. Then a deep voice murmured in the Doctor's ear. "Who's River?"

The Doctor gulped. "Who are you?" he whispered.

The man chuckled again and nipped playfully at the Doctor's ear. "Who do you think?"

The Doctor spun around to face him, green eyes wide. "It's impossible. You're dead."

"Not so, my dear Doctor." The Master leered down at him. He had regenerated again, the Doctor noticed. He was taller than the Doctor, which was rare, and quite slender. He had long, delicate fingers, which he was using at the moment to tip the Doctor's own wide chin up, and high cheekbones, like a model. His eyes were icy blue, and his hair…

"Ah," said the Doctor, stroking the Master's auburn curls. "Ginger. How utterly unfair."

"Quite," smirked the Master, leaning into the caress a bit. "What do you think?"

The Doctor raised his nonexistent eyebrows in consideration. "Handsome," he decided. "Devilishly handsome."

"Why, my dear Doctor, I could not have put it better myself." And with that, the Master bent down and soundly kissed the Doctor, continuing to run his thumb across that astounding chin. The Doctor moaned into the kiss, not having felt his touch in such a long time. Over two hundred years, he should think.

The Master broke off the kiss and smiled down at his lover. "And what do you think of the tree house?"

"Amazing," he said, looking around. "Did you build this place just for me? How ever did you get a structure of this magnitude lodged up here?"

"Bigger on the inside," said the Master, extremely self-satisfied.

"Ah," said the Doctor, lazily tilting his head to one side.

"And I built it for us," the Master corrected, lowering his tall frame to plant a trail of kisses onto the Doctor's jaw line, which he had found simply fascinating ever since the Doctor had come up here.

The Doctor stifled a gasp and clung to the Master as he continued down to the Doctor's delightfully sensitive neck. He felt the Master gently pushing off his tweed jacket and toying with the collar of his shirt.

"A bowtie?" the Master said, surprised, pulling away from the Doctor's throat. He fingered the silk thing curiously. "You haven't worn one of those in a while."

"You're right, I haven't. I decided to bring it back. It's cool, isn't it?" The Master dramatically rolled his eyes. "Yes, it is, it's cool, bowties are cool!" defended the Doctor.

"Well, as charming of an accessory as it is," said the Master, swiftly kissing the Doctor's pouty lips, "it's not of any use up here." His long spindly fingers smoothly undid the bowtie and dropped it to the floor with the jacket. "Is it?"

"Yes, well…I suppose not." The Doctor swallowed. "Tell me…how did you escape the Time Lock?"

"Shh, shh, shh," said the Master, pressing a long, pale finger to the Doctor's lips. "Don't worry about that now. Just let this moment last for now."

The Doctor glared at the Master slightly and sneakily popped the finger in his mouth, sucking on it lovingly.

"Eager, aren't we?" smirked the Master, raising an eyebrow as he pulled his finger out of the Doctor's mouth. "Well, by all means…let us begin."

The two Time Lords dove for the bed.


	4. All The Small Things

**This has been a plot bunny that's been floating around in my head since I watched _Planet Of Fire_. The teeny Master was just so adorable, I had to write it! Plus, it kind of includes the Shalka!Doctor/Android!Master pairing, sort of. Hugs!**

* * *

Title: _All The Small Things  
_Starring: Fifth Doctor and Ainley!Master, mostly. (Can you tell they're my favorite?)  
Summary: Based on the classic serial _Planet Of Fire_. The Doctor finds the tiny Master just presh, and simply stuffs him into his pocket.

* * *

The Doctor, Peri, and Amyand entered the Master's TARDIS.

"There it is," said Peri, pointing to Kamelion's control box on the floor. "But he could be anywhere."

Meanwhile, the Doctor was inspecting the console. He removed a small component. "Fair exchange is no robbery," he said. Then, under their questioning stares, the Doctor explained, "The Master's temporal stabilizer."

"Will it fit your machine?" asked Peri.

"Oh yes," said the Doctor. He bent down and propped the control box up to its proper position.

Inside, the Master, who had been unfortunately shrunk down to mere inches, tumbled over himself at the sudden movement of his confines. "Revive," he ordered at the psychic controls. "Revive, Kamelion!" Then, he turned around and looked up to see three big faces staring down at him.

"Oh, how adorable," said the Doctor, an amused smile gracing his boyish face.

"Once I return to my normal state," growled the little man, "You won't think me so adorable."

"Oh, that's precious," the Doctor laughed. "You are absolutely tiny. I think I'll call you Mini-Master!"

"Shut up!" grumbled the mini-Master, his little cheeks reddening. "You may ridicule me now, Doctor, but when I-" The Master's tirade was cut short by a surprised mewl as the Doctor reached inside, carefully pinched the scruff of the Master's collar with his large fingers, and lifted the tiny man from the box. "Put me down!" screeched the Master, waving his arms and legs, frantically trying to escape.

"Oh, do shut up," said the Doctor, carefully putting the Master in his pants pocket. He could feel the little man kicking and trying to strike the Doctor's skin on his hip through the corduroy of his cricket trousers, but it was only a minor annoyance. "Well," he said, looking at his comrades. "That takes care of that problem."

* * *

Once off the planet Sarn, the Doctor took Peri back to Earth (he'd offered to let her stay awhile, but she had politely declined, and Turlough had decided to return home to Trion). Then, he went to his lab, took the tiny Time Lord out of his pocket, and gently set him down inside a plastic tank.

The Master, scrambling to get to his feet, looked around at his new surroundings, then up at the Doctor, beyond livid. "Of all the insolence!" he shouted. "I suppose you think I'm to be your new pet or something!"

"That depends on you," said the Doctor. "Either you can be compliant and accept my help, or you can continue your fruitless endeavor to gain rulership of the cosmos. Incidentally, Sarn's supply of numismation gas has been cut off, thanks to me, and I've taken the liberty to destroy your TCE and the control box. So, if you think you're going to rule the universe, you'll be ruling it in a shrunken body."

"Help? Why would you help me?" demanded the Master.

"Well I can hardly kill you, can I?" asked the Doctor. "So, I offer you an ultimatum: either agree to play nice, and I'll see about obtaining a respectable body for you. Or, you can live in the terrarium. Your choice."

The Master smoldered up at the Doctor, who was wearing a petulant smirk.

* * *

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" inquired the Master, watching from the tank as the Doctor mixed the solution.

"Fairly sure," replied the Doctor absentmindedly as he mixed various chemicals in a test tube. "I've calculated that your current size is roughly seven percent of your original body. Well, Tremas's body, anyway."

"You're never going to let that go, are you?" said the Master, waving an indifferent hand.

"Now," said the Doctor, who had found a small cap to a tube of something or other and had carefully dropped several droplets of solution inside it. He set it down inside the tank next to the Master. "Drink up."

The Mini-Master picked up the cap, which was the size of a large tumbler in his small hands. He studied the clear liquid. "What is it?"

"A mild sedative, highly diluted to suit your current needs," explained the Doctor. "I would have injected you, but I don't have a syringe small enough. So I need you to take it orally."

"Why are you sedating me?" asked the Master, eyeing the giant looming over him suspiciously.

"Because if I'm to transfer your consciousness into a new receptacle, I need your psychic brainwaves unblocked. So you'll have to be unconscious."

The Master looked down at the solution and, seeming to accept this, drank the solution. "Valeriana," he said, slightly wincing at the bitter after taste. "How predictable."

"An eye for an eye," said the Doctor, watching as the drug quickly took its hold. The tiny Time Lord's eyelids drooped as the Master lay down on the plastic base of the terrarium. "You will be careful, won't you?" he yawned.

"With a life as valuable as yours, I wouldn't be anything less," replied the Doctor, knowing that the Master wouldn't remember him saying so when he awoke.

The Master shut his eyes and sighed sleepily. "My…Doctor…" he murmured, and fell soundly asleep.

The Doctor stared at the dozing Time Lord. His face seemed to be looser now, released from its tight bonds of self-aware hate and resentment.

"I hope he won't remember that either," he muttered.

* * *

The Master awoke in the lab, flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He could tell that he was no longer in the tank, but laid out on the table. He cautiously flexed his fingers. They seemed to move naturally. He tried the same experiment with his toes, his wrists and ankles, and finally, felt the courage to sit up.

_Incredible_, remarked the Master. _It's as if I never left my own body!_

"Ah, you're awake," said the Doctor, strolling into the lab. "Everything working properly?"

"Yes, it would seem so," said the Master, then slightly recoiling at the sound of his own voice. It was higher than before, and more submissive. He looked down at himself and realized what vessel the Doctor had put him in.

"Kamelion's psychic circuits was a bit damaged after all the confusion on Sarn," nodded the Doctor. "He asked me to destroy him, but instead, I decided to implant your mind inside his body."

The Master looked at his new metallic body in a mirror hanging on the wall. "Yes, well…everything seems to be functioning properly," he commented in his new, strange voice.

"I suppose you'll want to, er, change now, as it were?" asked the Doctor.

"Indeed," said the Master. Channeling his psychic powers, he changed the robot's outward appearance to that of his last form, or at least similar. A bit taller this time though, so that he would finally be eye to eye with the Doctor. "Better?" he asked, in Tremas's familiar voice.

"Er, yes," said the Doctor, looking at the wall off to the side. The Master had transformed himself to look like he had before, but he'd left out the black suit he normally wore. Or any clothes, for that matter.

The Master, observing the Doctor's clear embarrassment at his nakedness, leered smugly as he stood up from the lab table. "Well, now that I'm back in my own skin, so to speak, I believe it's time I took this body for a-how do your humans say it?-a test drive."

"Well, there's a gymnasium down the hall, if you wish to exercise," said the Doctor, still not quite looking at the Master. "Of course, after you visit the wardrobe."

"Oh, I'm quite comfortable as I am," said the Master, smirking more prominently now. "And that's quite kind of you, Doctor, but I'm afraid treadmills and barbells were not exactly what I had in mind."

"Then what exactly did you have in-MMPH!" The Doctor's words were cut off as the Master clutched the lapels of his beige coat and pulled him in, kissing him fervently.

The Doctor reached up and pushed off of the Master's bare chest, breaking the embrace. "What are you doing?!" he sputtered.

"Oh, surely you aren't _that_ naïve, my dear Doctor," chuckled the Master darkly, leaning in for another kiss.

"No, no!" gasped the Doctor, pulling away.

"'No', what do you mean, 'no'?" said the Master, looking genuinely surprised. "Look, I-I think you've made a terrible mistake," said the Doctor fretfully. "I didn't…I didn't give you a new body…for this!"

"Oh, I know," said the Master, rolling his eyes. "You did it because you're unbearably good, because you couldn't allow me to revive myself on Sarn and continue my malicious deeds, but simply killing me or leaving me to die would've gone against your incredibly moral fiber. Am I correct?"

"Well, when you put it that way," said the Doctor, looking slightly offended.

"Well, Doctor, perhaps, for once, this isn't about you," said the Master. "Maybe this is about me. Because the fact is, Doctor, I want you."

The Doctor stared at the Master, mouth open in shock. "But…I don't understand. You've never implied before that…" Well, when he thought back, actually, there were some instances, some things that were said…oh. _Oh_.

The Master watched this revelation play out on the Doctor's face and sighed, running a hand through the sleek blonde hair. "Honestly, you can be so oblivious sometimes." Then, gently turning the Doctor's face back to his own, he kissed him, this time, a bit more tenderly. And this time, the Doctor didn't fight back.


	5. Something Old

**Omigosh you guys, such cute things about to happen! :3**

**By the way, I've expanded into fan art, which you can check out on my DeviantArt page. Link on my profile. **

* * *

Title: "Something Old", part one of _Marriage Of A Time Lord.  
_Starring: Tenth Doctor and Simm!Master (or any other future versions, but it was written with them in mind).  
Summary: The Doctor and the Master have been together for two hundred years, and the Doctor figures it's about time they took it to the next level.

* * *

It was their 200th anniversary, and the Doctor had something special in mind.

"What's the matter with you, my dear?" asked the Master, hugging the Doctor from behind. "You've been anxious about something for several weeks now, I've seen it on your face. What's troubling you?"

"Do you know what day it is?" asked the Doctor.

"Wednesday?"

"Other than that," said the Doctor, rolling his eyes. (Though technically speaking, it could be any day of the week in the TARDIS.)

"Of course I know," said the Master, kissing the Doctor's neck. "I'm surprised you remembered."

"I remember every year," said the Doctor.

"Two hundred years and you're still not bored of me. I believe that's a miracle, Doctor."

The Doctor turned around and took the Master's hands. "You're right. And I think that calls for something special."

"Something special?" said the Master, raising an eyebrow. "Whatever do you mean?"

The Doctor took a breath. "Master, in all my eleven hundred years, I have never met anyone who makes me feel like you do. I've many friends, and even a few loves, over the centuries, but no one has ever stayed, not even my own granddaughter. No one except you. You have both of my hearts. I love you, Master. And I want us together for every century to come." He dropped to one knee and pulled a small box out his pocket. "Will you marry me?"

The Master clapped a hand to his mouth. He couldn't speak for a moment. "Yes," he finally choked, kneeling down and kissing the Doctor. "Of course, my dear, I will marry you!"

A tear trailed down the Master's cheek, and the Doctor kissed it away. "Here," he said, giving the Master the box.

The Master shakily opened it and stared at the simple gold band inside. "It's perfect," he said, sniffling. "Will you put it on me?"

The Doctor smiled, took the ring out, and slid it onto the Master's finger. "I love you, Master," he said again.

"I love you too," said the Master, and they kissed.


	6. Something New

**How's it goin', bros? My name is CaaaaaaaatiePie! (Okay, I totally ripped that off. Points to whoever can tell me who. :) )**

**So here is Part Two of _Marriage Of A Time Lord_. I know I haven't updated "You Are Not Alone" in a loooooong time, but I've had so much schoolwork lately, all I've have time for is the little quickies like this. I swear, the rest of "Bad Wolf" is coming soon. I'll work on it this weekend, I promise!**

**In the meantime, here's some more wibbly-wobbly, cutesy-wootsy Doctor/Master for ya! Enjoy! :)**

* * *

Title: "Something New", part two of _Marriage Of A Time Lord.  
_Starring: Ten/Simm!Master, along with various past companions whose reactions range from slightly surprised to absolutely outraged.  
Summary: The happy couple are on the road to wedded bliss, but will old friends approve of the Doctor's betrothed?

* * *

With as many friends as the Doctor had, the Master had to cut his guest list down by a substantial amount. Especially considering that ninety five percent of that list despised him.

"I know that the TARDIS's interior extends to infinity, but even then, I don't believe we'd have enough room for everyone, my sweet," the Master pointed out. "Be reasonable."

"Okay," pouted the Doctor.

The Master pointed out that first of all, they couldn't really invite anyone from before the 1980's. "Two men getting married? They'd never accept it!"

"Hey, you don't know them like I do," the Doctor argued. "They care about me. They'd want me to be happy…oh, I suppose you're right."

The Master looked down the list. "Hmm…Tegan Jovanka? Wasn't she that Aussie you traveled with in your fifth incarnation?"

"Yes, and I know for a fact she wouldn't care that we were men."

"Maybe not, but I do think she'd care that you were marrying _me_."

The Doctor sighed sadly. "That's true. I guess it's for the best. We didn't exactly leave each other on the best of terms anyway."

The Master finally narrowed down the list to Sarah Jane Smith and her son Luke, Wilfred Mott, Ace McShane, Jack Harkness, and Martha and Mickey Smith.

"We have to at least _visit_ the Brigadier," argued the Doctor.

"You visit him," said the Master. "The first glimpse of me, he'd call for a firing squad."

"But he's old now! He's retired! Look, if I just _explained_ to him-"

The Master kissed the Doctor swiftly, cutting him off. "Alright, if it will really make you happy, I'll go see the Brigadier with you."

The Doctor looked ecstatic. "Alright! And maybe after that, we can go see Jo and Tegan and-"

"Don't push your luck, Doctor," said the Master flatly.

* * *

Sarah Jane had never met the Master (except once, briefly, in the Death Zone on Gallifrey, and even then she didn't remember), so she didn't judge. She looked slightly surprised when the Doctor introduced the Master as "my fiancé", but said nothing about it, except, "Of course we'll come to the wedding, Doctor. I wish you two a wonderful life."

Ace, now around fifty years old, was overjoyed to see the Doctor again. "Professor!" she said, hugging the Doctor tightly.

"How did you know it was me?" asked the Doctor.

Ace nodded to the TARDIS. "Blue box sort of gave it away."

The Doctor laughed and hugged her again. "Aw, I've missed you!"

"Missed you too, Professor. Er…who's that?" asked Ace, looking over the Doctor's shoulder. The Master had apprehensively poked his head out of the TARDIS.

"Oh, Ace, I want you to meet someone very special." The Doctor beckoned to the Master. "Ace, this is another Time Lord, like me. His name is the Master."

Ace looked at the Master curiously. "Er…have we met?"

The Doctor had forgotten that she had encountered the Master on the cheetah planet. But hopefully, she wouldn't remember him. He decided to change the subject. "Ace, the Master and I…we-"

"The Doctor and I love each other," said the Master. "We're getting married. And we would dearly love it if you would come to our wedding."

"Oh," said Ace, looking at the couple in surprise. "Well, I…of course. I'd love to come with you."

The Doctor grinned at the Master, then at Ace. "Brilliant!" he said gleefully.

With Ace on board with them, Sarah Jane, and Luke, they were ready to retrieve the other guests. The Master looked at the Doctor, who was fiddling with the controls on the console. "Those were the easy ones, Doctor. Are you ready to talk to the others?"

The Doctor looked at him and nodded. But his big brown eyes looked worried.

* * *

The Smiths were first. The TARDIS materialized in front of their house.

Mickey was the first one out. "Martha, it's the Doctor!" he cried excitedly.

"The Doctor?" she said, following her husband out.

The TARDIS doors opened and the Doctor walked out, looking chipper as always. "Hello, Smiths!" he called.

"Hey, Doctor!" said Mickey, shaking his hand.

"Ah, Mickey the idiot, haven't changed a bit!" laughed the Doctor. "And Martha…oh my!"

"Yes, I'm pregnant," said Martha, gently patting her engorged stomach. "Doctor, what are you doing here?"

"Well, er…" The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck. "The thing is…I'm getting married.

"You and Rose?" asked Mickey.

"Oh, no," said the Doctor. "Rose went back to the parallel universe. No, it's…someone else."

"Oh? Who?" asked Martha.

"Erm…well, I'll give you a hint: it's an old friend, so to speak."

"Oh. Donna?"

"What? Oh, no, no, not Donna."

"Well, who is it, Doctor? Tell us!" said Martha.

"Well, the thing is…you're not going to like it."

* * *

The doors to the TARDIS flew open to reveal a very pissed off (and pregnant) Martha. "YOU!" she snarled, pointing at the Master.

"Hello, Miss Jones. Or, Smith now, as I understand it," said the Master, trying to sound casual.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" she demanded, marching straight up to the Master. "How the hell are you even alive?!"

"Martha, please," pleaded the Doctor, following her into the TARDIS. "The Master's changed. He's not evil anymore! Well, a little devious sometimes, but I wouldn't love him if he wasn't." The Doctor smiled sweetly at the Master.

"This is the _Master_!" she screeched. "Toclafane? The Valiant? Remember?"

"The Master was sick then," said the Doctor. "He's alright now. I helped him. And, well…we fell in love." He smiled sheepishly.

"Yes, please believe me, Martha. I love the Doctor," said the Master, crossing to his soon-to-be husband and putting an arm around his waist. "I wouldn't do anything to hurt him, or anyone else for that matter."

"Why should I believe you?" hissed Martha.

"Because he hasn't done anything bad for the two hundred years we've been together," replied the Doctor.

Martha looked taken aback. "T-two hundred years?"

"Time machine, remember?" said the Doctor.

"Well…well, I just don't know," said Martha.

"Martha, please, you're one of my best friends," said the Doctor. "If you really care about me, please say you'll bless us."

Martha looked reluctant, but she finally sighed and said, "Alright, Doctor. I wish you and the Master happiness."

"That goes for me too," said Mickey. "And we would love to come to the wedding."

"Thank you," said the Doctor, hugging the both of them. "You have no idea how happy that makes me."

* * *

Wilfred Mott was next.

"Doctor! Doctor!" wheezed the old man, running out of his house.

"Dad!" Sylvia cried frantically after him.

"Wilf, old friend, how are you?" said the Doctor, gladly accepting a hug.

"Doctor, what are you doing here?" asked Wilfred.

"I came to invite you-and Sylvia too, if she's interested-to my wedding," replied the Doctor, smiling proudly.

"Great Scott!" exclaimed Wilfred, looking shocked. "You're getting married?"

"Yu_p_," said the Doctor, rocking back and forth on his plimsolls, popping the P.

"Well, I can't wait to meet her!" said Wilf. "I'll wager she's lovely."

"Well, the thing is, it's not a _she_," said the Doctor. He turned to the TARDIS and called, "Oh, Master! Could you come out, please?"

The Master stepped out and the Doctor. "Hello, Mr. Mott," he said, nodding solemnly.

Wilfred gasped. "You! Doctor, what is he doing here?!"

"He saved my life," said the Doctor. "And then I saved his."

"That's right," smiled the Master, kissing the Doctor on the cheek playfully.

"Oh, my," said Wilf. "Well, I suppose I should have seen it from the way you two bickered back and forth."

"Really?" said the Doctor, looking surprised. "You mean, you approve?"

"Well, I fail to understand it," laughed Wilf. "But if he makes you happy, then who am I to judge? I would love to attend your wedding, Doctor."

"That was surprisingly easy, my dear," said the Master, once they were back inside the TARDIS.

"Yes, it was," agreed the Doctor. "But we have one more stop to make. And I have a feeling it's going to be the hardest one."

* * *

Jack fired his blaster gun at the Master, who luckily ducked in time.

"Jack, stop it!" exclaimed the Doctor.

"That man is evil, Doctor! Or don't you remember?"

"_Not anymore_," said the Doctor pleadingly. "He's changed, I swear. I love him, Jack."

"And I love the Doctor too," said the Master cautiously, taking the Doctor's hand. "I know I killed you…_many times_. But I ask your forgiveness. The Doctor has changed me. I'm no longer insane. For the past two centuries, the Doctor and I have been each other's constant companions, and we love each other. We really want you to be there at our wedding. Please, Jack. If anything, do it for the Doctor."

Jack glared, his grip tightening on his gun. But finally, he sighed and set it down. "Alright, Master. I don't trust you. But I'll come to the wedding. But know this," he growled, poking the Master in the chest. "If you ever, _ever_, hurt the Doctor, I swear to God, I won't rest until I find you and kill you. Until the day I die…well, die for good, at least." Jack actually smiled a bit at this.

"Understood," said the Master, nodding. "Thank you, Jack."

"Well, now that everyone's here," said the Doctor cheerfully, as the TARDIS took off, "I'd say it's time for a wedding!"

"My dear Doctor, I've been waiting for you to say those words for literally over a millennia," said the Master, triumphantly giving the Doctor a kiss.


	7. Something Borrowed

**I loved writing this part! That's all I gotta say!**

* * *

Title: "Something Borrowed", part three of _Marriage Of A Time Lord_.  
Starring: Ten/Simm!Master, and _three_ Smiths.  
Summary: The wedding bells are chiming! And it's time for something else, too.

* * *

"Master, look!" the Doctor called. He and the Master were perusing the TARDIS wardrobe for wedding outfits. "It's my tux! Ooh, I don't know, though. Whenever I wear this, disasters happen."

"Doctor, this is our wedding," said the Master, smiling confidently. "Do you love me?"

"Of course I do!" stated the Doctor.

"And you know that I love you. So obviously, nothing bad can happen."

"Well, alright." The Doctor shed his brown suit and exchanged it for the black tuxedo. "What do you think?" he asked the Master.

"Mmm, very attractive," smirked the Master, smoothing his hands down the Doctor's front.

"I thought you might say so," said the Doctor, also grinning. "And…snap." He pulled an almost identical suit from a nearby rack, except for the color.

The Master lifted an eyebrow. "Is that supposed to be for me?"

"Well, yeah." The Doctor held the suit in front of the Master, measuring it up. "It's your size, I think."

"But Doctor…it's _white_."

"Yeah, so?"

"Are you implying that _I_ am the wife in this relationship?" asked the Master.

"Oh, no!" said the Doctor, poorly hiding a snicker. "I would never-"

"How dare you!"

"Well we can't very well _both_ wear black!"

"Then _you_ wear the white one!"

"But Master, the white one's too small for me. It fits you."

The Master smoldered, but finally took it from the Doctor's hands. "Fine," he grumbled.

"Aw, thank you, Massy," gushed the Doctor, emphatically kissing the Master on the cheek.

"You're welcome," muttered the Master, changing into the white tux. "And don't call me 'Massy'."

* * *

Sarah Jane, Luke, Ace, Martha, Mickey, Wilfred, Sylvia, and Jack had all gathered in the TARDIS's chapel (yes, the TARDIS had a chapel) and were waiting on the happy couple. "Where are they?" muttered Mickey.

"Here we are!" called the Doctor chipperly, as he and his about-to-be-husband walked through the doors. "Everyone ready?"

The whole room nodded and muttered general affirmatives. No one was still quite what to make of this marriage.

"Brilliant!" said the Doctor. "Jack, you're officially ordained, right?"

"Yes, I am," said Jack.

"Good. Would you do us the honor of marrying us?" he asked, taking the Master's hand.

Jack cleared his throat. "Of course. Doctor, do you take…this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do," said the Doctor, smiling down proudly at the Master.

"And Master," continued Jack, "do you take the Doctor to be _your_ lawfully wedded husband?"

"Yes," said the Master softly, gazing up at the Doctor. "I do."

"And does anyone here have reason to believe that these two should not be married?" Jack asked the onlookers. "If so, speak now, or forever hold your peace."

Of course, a good number of the room had a reason, but none of them spoke up.

Jack cleared his throat again. "Then by the power vested in me by…" He rattled off a small list of various planets on which he was licensed to preside over marriage ceremonies. "…I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss the bride," Jack said to the Doctor, with a sneaky smirk at the Master.

The guests all laughed at this. "Oi!" The Master was about to threaten Jack, but was cut off by the Doctor, sweeping him into his arms and kissing him passionately. The Master quite forgot his death threat and kissed his new husband back with just as much feeling.

Their friends all applauded, some, like Sarah Jane and Wilfred, with legitimate sentiment, and others, like Martha, simply out of manners.

The Doctor broke the kiss to grin at his guests. "Come on, everyone! Let's go to the ballroom and celebrate!"

"An excellent idea," said the Master, kissing him on the jaw.

"_Allons-y_!" said the Doctor blissfully. But as the guests began to head for the door, Martha gasped and hunched over. "Oh no!" she gasped. "Mickey! It's time! The baby's coming now!"

The room began to panic. The Master, keeping a level head, took Martha by the arm and said, "Come on, dear. The infirmary is just down the hall. The Doctor can deliver the child."

Martha nodded fearfully and allowed the Master to escort her to the med bay, her husband worriedly following close behind her.

* * *

"Come on, Martha, push!" yelled the Doctor.

Martha shrieked, and gripped Mickey and the Master's hands tighter as she pushed.

"Yes, yes, that's it! You're almost there! Just one more time, Martha!"

Martha pushed one more time, then fell limply back onto the gurney. "Well done, Miss Smith," said the Master, wiping beads of sweat off of her forehead with a damp cloth as Martha closed her eyes and gasped for breath.

"Tha-thank you," she whispered.

"It's a boy," said the Doctor, looking like he might cry as he handed Martha the swaddled newborn.

Martha weakly took her new son and gazed upon his chocolatety face. The little Smith wailed and cried, but was beautiful nonetheless.

"Oh my God," whispered Mickey hoarsely. "Oh my God, I'm a dad. I'm a dad!"

"He's so beautiful," said Martha, smiling tiredly at the child.

"Well done, you," said the Doctor, patting Martha's shoulder lightly.

"I couldn't have done it without you. The both of you," she said, looking at the newlyweds. "Would you be his godparents?"

"Really?" squeaked the Doctor. "You mean it?"

"We couldn't choose anyone better," said Mickey.

"My dear, we would be honored," said the Master, smiling proudly.


	8. Something Blue

**The final installment of _Marriage Of A Time Lord_! Hope you thought it was as cute as I did! :)**

**By the way, does anyone have any suggestions for a D/M story?**

* * *

Title: "Something Blue", part four of _Marriage Of A Time Lord_  
Starring: Ten/Simm!Master, and a forgiving Jack Harkness  
Summary: Our Time Lords finally get the happily ever after they've been waiting for.

* * *

Several hours later, most of the guests had gone home (except the Smiths, for now Martha had to stay in the infirmary and recover from her delivery). The Doctor and the Master were saying goodbye to their last passenger, Jack.

"Well, Master," said Jack, shaking his hand. "I guess you really have changed. You really pulled through with Martha back there."

"That's why I love him," said the Doctor, swiftly kissing his new husband's temple.

"Thank you, Jack," said the Master. "And again, I hope you can find the strength to forgive me."

"Of course," said Jack. "After all, it's not like you _actually_ killed me." The three men laughed. "Now, if you'll excuse me," said Jack. "I have to go home to my own Ianto."

"Good to see you again, Jack," said the Doctor.

Jack stood up straight, and saluted the two of them. They saluted back and watched Jack's retreating back as the Captain walked away.

"He's a good man," said the Doctor, and then squealed a bit as the Master suddenly picked him up and cradled him in his arms, bridal style. "Oi, I thought I was supposed to carry _you_ over the threshold!"

"My dear Doctor, you were the one to pop the question, and I even let you wear black to the wedding." The Master smirked at his husband. "Now it's _my_ turn to be the man."

"Oh, well, if you insist," said the Doctor, smiling mischievously as he was toted through the doorway of their little blue house.

_The end._


	9. Wibbly Wobbly, Gendery Bendery

**Total crack about a female Ten and Simm!Master. Typed it really fast, so it's probably just gobbledy-gook. Oh well...**

**If you want to know what the female Doctor and Master look like, you can view a picture of them on my DeviantArt page at art/Doctor-Who-Wibbly-Wobbly-Gendery-Bendery-443712956**

* * *

Title: "Wibbly Wobbly, Gendery Bendery"  
Starring: Fem!Tenth!Doctor/Simm!Master, Eleventh Doctor/Fem!Master  
Summary: In which the Master stumbles across a female Doctor and is highly amused...and turned on.

* * *

"Doctor," said the Master, smoothly invading the TARDIS.

The Doctor, who'd been standing at the console, whirled around and asked interrogatively, "Master! What are _you_ doing here?"

But all the Master could do was stare at the Doctor. "Oh my," he said, bursting into petulant giggles.

The Doctor's cheeks heated up. "It's not funny."

"It is from where I'm standing," snickered the Master. "Oh, what a lovely woman you make."

And truthfully, the Doctor, whose tenth incarnation had turned out female, was a rather pretty girl. She was tall and slender, with brown shoulder length choppy hair that sloped into soft spikes at the ends. She had big brown eyes, freckles, and a nose like a Barbie doll's. As for her dress, she was wearing sort of a school girl outfit: a button up, short sleeve, brown shirt with vertical white pinstripes; a loose blue tie and short skirt (which showed off her long legs) to match, and white high top Converse.

"Quit staring at me!" hissed the Doctor, crossing her arms over her considerable…well, anyway. "I asked what you were doing here!"

"Well, I originally came in here to kill you and steal your TARDIS, but now, it seems, my aims have changed." The Master smirked and stepped closer to the pretty brunette.

The Doctor took a self-conscious step back, away from the advancing Master. "To what, may I ask?"

"Well, Doctor, as attractive as I found your male incarnations, this one tops them all," said the Master, looming closer.

"You…found me attractive?" asked the Doctor, whose bum brushed the edge of the console.

"Indeed," said the Master. He and the Doctor were now only mere inches apart.

"And you think this one is attractive as well?" said the Doctor, who was trapped between the Master and the console. She gulped as the Master laid his hands on it, on either side of her. Now she was completely boxed in.

"Absolutely," purred the Master, and their hips touched.

The Doctor swallowed. "Master-"

"Mmm, I like it when you use my name," said the Master

"If you could just step back," said the Doctor, swallowing.

"Why?" The Master smirked. "Do I make you nervous, Doctor?"

"No!" exclaimed the Doctor, her voice cracking.

"Are you sure?" asked the Master, pressing himself up against the Doctor's body, sandwiching her.

"Yes, I'm quite sure, thank you," she squeaked, her breathing shallow.

"You don't sound sure." And with that, the Master dipped his head to kiss the Doctor's soft pink lips, making her gasp.

* * *

The Doctor and the Master rushed inside the TARDIS. The Master had been shot, and the Doctor had been caught up in an explosion. Both were pretty badly injured.

The Doctor, supporting the Master, who was well on his way to bleeding out, gently set him down on the floor of the TARDIS. "You'll be alright," she said, stroking his hair, kissing his forehead.

"Don't worry about me, take care of yourself," the Master scolded gently.

"Master, I think I'm regenerating!" cried the Doctor, staring at her hands, which were stained with soot and ash and a bit of blood. They were starting to glow with golden energy.

"Yes, I think I am too," said the Master, inspecting his own luminescent hands. "Well, see you on the other side then, Doctor."

The Doctor looked up, brown eyes big and bright with tears. She flung herself on top of the Master and kissed him. "Oh, Master!" she said, gasping. "I liked being like this! I liked being with you! _I don't want to go_!"

"I won't leave you, Doctor," said the Master, cupping her face, wiping away a tear. "No matter who or what you are, _you are mine_."

She sniffled, nodding, and kissed him again. She backed away, preparing for the change. "I love you, Master!" she said, and exploded in golden light. The Master, still lying on the floor, joined her in regenerating.

* * *

When the Master opened his eyes, the Doctor, in whatever new form she was in now, was nowhere to be seen. He put his hand to his chest where the bullet had been lodged…and was met with a surprise.

Slowly, the Master sat up and looked down. His suit was looser in some places than it had been before, but at the chest, it was considerably tighter because now...he had breasts. Rather big ones, too.

The Master inspected his new hair: long blonde locks cascaded down his back, and his hands were now trim and dainty. His fingernails were even done up in a French manicure.

"Oh no," moaned the Master in his, well, her, new voice.

The Master heard movement over her shoulder and looked around. A man was kneeling beside her. He had a floppy thatch of brown hair on his head, curious green eyes, and an extremely wide jaw line. He was wearing a tweed suit, a red bowtie, and an amused smirk that the Master figured _he_ himself must have had when he'd discovered the female Doctor.

"Well," said the new Doctor, grinning mirthfully down at the new Master. "I suppose we'll have to call you Mistress now!"

The Master stuck out a new plump pink lip and pouted.


	10. The Girls

**This has been bouncing around in my head for awhile. It's a little reminiscent of this Smallville fan fiction I read a while back called "Chloe Sullivan: Slash Fangirl".**

**By the way, the rest of "Bad Wolf" is coming, I swear. I've been working on it all weekend.**

* * *

Title: "The Girls"  
Starring: Lucy Saxon and Martha Jones  
Summary: The other women in the relationship voice their own opinions about their Time Lords.

* * *

Lucy was in love with Harold-well, the Master. He was funny, and a bit mad, yes, but very charming and entertaining. Not to mention, a great kisser.

But when the Doctor was brought aboard the Valiant, all the Master's attention turned to him, like a preteen and a celebrity heartthrob. (Well, the Doctor was very good looking.) Lucy began to yearn for the days that the Master courted her. But those days were very over. Lucy now realized that the Master had simply married her because of her family's wealth and political prestige. He wasn't even _interested_ in her. Lucy saw that the Master was clearly enamored with the other Time Lord. He barely talked to her, and one night in bed, she swore she heard him moan "Doctor".

So, was she a jealous wife? Well, she killed the Master. And then, tried to kill him again. So…maybe.

* * *

Sometimes, Martha wished that the Doctor was gay.

She liked the Doctor a lot. A _lot_. But the fact that the Doctor never even gave her a second glance showed that they would never be a thing. And while the Doctor was always mooning over this Rose person, Martha liked to imagine that the Doctor was gay.

She even had reasons to back up this theory. For one thing, it seemed to Martha that if the Doctor _really_ wanted this Rose back, he could easily save her. He had a time machine, after all. Also, Martha sometimes liked to theorize that Rose was never even real, that she was just a fictional girlfriend he made up to remained closeted. Blonde, big chested, petite? She just seemed too fabricated.

Plus, there were instances when the Doctor had seemed less than hetero. There was the flirting with Shakespeare, of course. And when he offered to kiss that American kid, Frank, in the 1930's. And of course, there was Jack, whom the Doctor got exasperated with at the slightest sign of flirtation. Some might even call it _jealousy_.

If the Doctor was gay, Martha reasoned, then she definitely knew who the Doctor was gay for. The way he pleaded and bickered and palled around with the Master, all while giving him those big brown puppy dog eyes, Martha could believe that they were once in a relationship. And with the innuendos and homoerotic remarks the Master made, she might even go so far as to say that they were still in one.

But when she was honest with herself, Martha knew that the Doctor wasn't really gay. But a girl can dream, can't she?


	11. Love Is A Battlefield

**I honestly wish Eight had had more representation in the Whoniverse. All we had was the TV movie (well, and Big Finish Audio Dramas and "Night Of The Doctor", but I'm talking about the actual series), but despite the terrible quality of it (and all the pointless snogging), Eight looked like a promising Doctor.**

**I wanted to write an alternate ending of the movie, but instead, you got a Eight/Jacobi Time War fic. So...enjoy.**

* * *

Title: "Love Is A Battlefield"  
Starring: Eight/Jacobi!Master  
Summary: An injured Master is quite surprised at who is left to tend his wounds. (Time War fic)

* * *

He lay on the ground, injured, but not injured so severely to trigger a regeneration. So, he would be forced to loll there until the medical battalion discovered him, or until his unattended wounds grew so serious that he did regenerate. So, he shut his eyes and tried to ignore the aggregating pain in his leg.

He remembered a time when he would have done anything, given anything, to be bestowed a new regeneration cycle, a new lease on life. But he would have never imagined a price so steep as the hell of the Time War. He wondered to himself if being ensconced in the Eye Of Harmony was a less nightmare-ish fate than this.

He could hear someone approach his exhausted, semi-conscious body. They drew to the ground beside him and hovered over him, obviously checking him over. He could sense four beats of two hearts, mirroring his own (a sensation he was still getting reaccustomed to, having had only one in both Tremas's and Bruce's bodies, then having no corporeal form at all during his entrapment in the Eye). _Well, that was certainly fast_, he thought to himself.

Caring hands darted over his chest, checking for the presence of his hearts beats, then down to his wrist, searching for a pulse. The touch migrated upward, where the hands gently cradled his head, slowly turning it side to side to check for duress to the spine. Finally, when the nurse decided that he was indeed alive, he set to work on the leg with what he loosely identified as a standard Tissue Reformation Evoker-sort of a reverse on his old TCE.

"Can you hear me?" asked a calm, soothing voice, and the nurse tenderly touched his hand. "Mmm, most likely," he noted to himself, observing the slight acceleration in pulse. "Listen, just lie back. I'll have you back on your feet in a short interim."

He tried to groan, make some sort of sign of acknowledgement, but the nurse shushed him, and he felt a damp cloth, cool to his heated skin, being pressed to his forehead. "You'll be alright," continued the nurse. "Your leg's already nearly healed."

He could feel this. Whoever his angel of mercy was, they certainly were skilled at their work. He could actually feel the bone, muscle, and nerve tissue regrowing and replenishing, good as freshly regenerated.

"It may feel a bit odd for awhile," commented the man. "But I suppose you'd already know that. Judging from the looks of you, I'd say you're well acquainted with conflict."

He held back a humorless laugh. _You have no idea_. He wondered to himself if the man would even bother to help him if he knew the identity of his patient or was privy to his scarred history, blackened by the innocent lives he'd taken, the worlds and civilizations he had destroyed. Perhaps the man would just kill him, right then and there, and spit on his corpse before walking away in disgust.

During this little internal monologue, the TRE had concluded its work. His leg was healed. His eyelids creaked open to allow him to look upon his rescuer.

"Any other injuries?" asked his attender. He had a kind, albeit gaunt, face. He was handsome, with a mass of reddish brown curls piled messily on his head. He hadn't had the opportunity to shave in a while, he noted, for he had a distinct five o'clock shadow. His light blue eyes were tired, but caring.

The Master, surprisedly realizing who his savior was, slowly opened his mouth and choked, trying to address him.

"No." The man answered his own question, checking him over again. "You should be fine. You're very welcome," he added, even though he had not been thanked. He gave the Master a warm, reassuring smile that the Master found foreign to his face, in any form. At least, when looking upon him. The Master realized that he must not recognize him. Well, this body was without its normal facial hair, but still, he was surprised.

The Master tried to speak, but again, the man shushed him. "You need rest," he said, patting the Master's hand. "Brave heart, my friend."

He gathered up his tools and put them into a well worn messenger bag. With one last comforting squeeze of the hand, the man rose and walked away.

The Master wheezed his name after his retreating back, but the man didn't hear. To this day, the Doctor still didn't know that it was his oldest friend, his best enemy, that he had tended to on the battlefield that day.


	12. Lean On Me

Title: "Lean On Me"  
Starring: Five/Ainley!Master  
Summary: The Master and a sleepy Doctor get locked up together. The Master as a pillow.

* * *

The guards violently shoved the two men inside the cell and slammed the door shut. "Well, really!" said the Doctor indignantly, wiping a wrinkle out of his jacket.

The Master glared at the Doctor and suppressed an eye roll. He had been on this planet attempting to pilfer one of its coveted psychic gems, but of course, his enemy had blustered in with his damnable blue box and spoiled everything. Now, _both_ of them had been captured and locked up in here. It was indefinite as to when they would be let out.

The Master sat down on the ground of the dingy cell, against the wall, and watched with mild interest as the Doctor inspected the bars of their cage. "Of course I left my sonic screwdriver in my TARDIS!" the Doctor berated himself. He turned to the Master and said, "I don't suppose you'd have a hairpin on your person, would you?"

The Master gave a derisive snort. "No. No, I suppose not," sighed the Doctor, and joined his cohort on the floor. "Well. I suppose we're stuck here for a while." The Doctor bit his lip, troubled. "I do hope Tegan and Turlough have the sense to stay in the TARDIS. Probably not. I told them I would only be gone a few minutes, and then I'd be back. Oh well. Perhaps they can explain to the officials of this planet…"

The Master leaned his head back against the stone wall, not really listening as the Doctor prattled on about his pets. He thought about the irony of the Doctor in a cage-he'd always been charmed by the idea of the Doctor in bondage, especially this innocent, blonde regeneration. But in his fleeting little fantasies, he'd always imagined it would be the Doctor alone that was bound. The idea of being trapped with him, however, was not so attractive.

The Master was trying to think of a way to escape their confines when suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of the Doctor, who apparently hadn't had much time for sleep lately, laying his head on the Master's shoulder, slightly nestling his cheek against the black velvet of his suit as he did, and nodding off.

The Master, without moving his shoulder, cast a look down at the drowsy Doctor. When his eyes were closed, he had noticeably long lashes. A few strands of his long hair fell in his face, and his lower lip quivered a bit as he lightly breathed in and out.

The Master sighed and took the opportunity to lightly kiss the top of the Doctor's pretty blonde head. "Goodnight, sweet prince," he muttered.


	13. I Just Called To Say

Lesbians? Really? Well, I've crossed every other line, why the hell not? (By the way, that the closest I will EVER come to writing Doctor/Doctor. 0 out of 10, do NOT ship.)

By the way, I have this mental image of the female Doctor and Master singing "Can't Remember To Forget You" by Shakira and Rihanna about their respective boys.

Sequel to "Wibbly Wobbly, Gendery Bendery". Same rules apply: Fem!Ten!Doctor/Simm!Master and Eleven/Fem!Master.

* * *

"Ah, it's no good, Master," sighed the Doctor, tossing his crescent wrench on the floor dejectedly. "The TARDIS is beyond my repair. It would literally take two of me to fix it." He straightened his red bow tie worriedly.

The Master (For she'd threatened the Doctor's very existence if he ever dared to call her 'Mistress'...outside of the bedroom, that is.) caressed his shoulder lovingly. "Well, my dear, perhaps that can be arranged."

The Doctor looked at her in confusion. "Hmm?"

"Can the TARDIS handle one more trip?" She smiled mischievously at him.

* * *

"This isn't where we parked the TARDIS before," said the tenth Doctor, scratching her head curiously as she studied the blue box before her. "Was it?" she looked at her Master in question.

The Master shrugged his shoulders; he was as lost as the Doctor was. "Perhaps the TARDIS can move on her own," he suggested.

"Yes, I've always suspected that, but she wouldn't move without us on board. Would she?" The Doctor's big brown eyes were worried.

"Just be glad she didn't strand us," said the Master, giving the Doctor a quick kiss on the side of her head. "Come on." He pushed open the door, and the Doctor followed him inside.

"Whoa!" exclaimed the younger Master, looking around the TARDIS, for its insides had changed from the dark, grungy layout to a new, more childlike and whimsical setting. "Did you change the desktop theme again?"

"No, I haven't!" said the Doctor, just as surprised as her partner. "Master, I suspect this is not our TARDIS."

"You're right," said a voice. A tall man with floppy brown hair and a bow tie, accompanied by a stunning, modelesque blonde woman stepped out from behind the console. "It's ours," said the man.

"Ah," said the Doctoress, looking calmly bemused. "Well, I expect you're our replacements, then."

"That's right," said the man.

"Well then," said the girl Doctor, planting a swift kiss on Dickie Bow's jaw. "Hello, handsome."

"Er, Doctor?" said the blonde woman, sounding highly amused. "That's you. I'm the Master."

The Doctoress looked mollified. "Oh, dear! God knows how many paradoxes I just caused. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Quite alright, my dear," said the Mistress, smirking.

"So," said the female Doctor, turning to study her future partner. She was almost too gorgeous to look at. She had luxurious golden locks, captivating jade-colored eyes, like a cat. Her complexion was flawless, as was her figure, and her short, skin tight black dress with spaghetti straps, paired with simple, yet dangerous, black high heels, perfectly showcased that. "You mean I get to look forward to all of that?"

"Oh, indeed," smirked the Mistress.

The two women heard an awkward ahem. "Well, ladies, before this gets too x-rated," said the male Doctor, hiding a smile. "Might I remind you that we have a TARDIS to repair?"

"An excellent point, Doctor," added the past Master, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "We should get to work."

The Doctoress sighed and bent to inspect the inner workings of the TARDIS. "What have you done to my machine?" she grilled her successor. "The thermo-stabilizers are all jammedy-wammedy, and the transvestial couplings are fried!"

"Oh, here," said the Master from her timeline, squatting down in to investigate. "I know a few tricks. My own TARDIS did just this sort of thing in my twelfth regeneration..."

"Ooh, are you going to recalibrate the hyper core?" said the male Doctor, excitedly joining him.

"You hardly have to go to all that effort. All you have to do is simply reroute the Fibonacci circuit here and set the Daxar pressure to approximately 4.6 hyphens..."

The Doctoress stood back to let the two men work. "Our boys and their cars," commented the Mistress, coming up behind her. "Strange that I didn't remember that myself. Oh well. Perhaps I'm not much one for mechanics this time." She gave the Doctoress a small smile. "Tea, dear?"

"Much appreciated, thanks," said the Doctoress. She and the Mistress parleyed to the kitchen, where the Mistress put a pot of Earl Grey ("I remember it was your favorite. Though now, you're more partial to a nice strong oolong.") on to boil.

"So," said the Doctoress, as the Mistress sat down next to her on a high, wicker-back chair. "What are we up to?"

"Spoilers," said the Mistress, smiling.

The Doctoress sighed. "Should've known that would never work."

"You may have no qualms about meddling in spacetime, Doctor, but I shan't risk it." The Mistress affectionately stroked the Doctor's cheek with a perfectly polished fingernail.

"Well, at least tell me...how does it happen?"

The Mistress looked troubled. "For you, getting too close to an explosion. I would have stopped you, but unfortunately, I was tied up at the moment. Found myself at the wrong end of a gun, as they say."

"Oh dear, I'm sorry," said the Doctor, looking at her with sorrowful brown eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"There was nothing you could have done," said the Mistress, smiling sadly. "That's why I'm telling you. So you won't blame yourself in the future."

The Doctoress returned her smile, and then surveyed the room around them. "I see you've redecorated," she said. She put a thoughtful finger to her lips. "I don't like it."

"You have only yourself to blame, my dear," the Mistress smirked as she poured tea for the two of them.

"Ah. Well then, I suppose I'll have to have a word with myself, eh?" The Doctoress grinned cheekily at the other woman, accepting the tea cup and taking a dainty sip. "Mmm. Well, at least your brewing skills have improved."

The Mistress gave a small, appreciative laugh, but her eyes remained on her own cup, looking distracted.

"What is it?" asked the Doctoress, curiously tilting her head to the side. "You have something on your mind. I know you. What's wrong?"

The Mistress looked up at her with regretful green eyes. "Right before you regenerated...you told me something."

The Doctoress swallowed nervously. "Ah. Did I? I mean, will I?"

"Yes," said the Mistress, looking down ashamedly. "And I'm afraid that I never exactly...said it back."

"Well, I'm sure I know," consoled the Doctoress.

"I know," said the Mistress, giving a small smile. "I see it in your eyes. But I know you, too, Doctor. And I know that you want me to say it."

"You don't have to-"

"I know," said the Mistress, stroking the Doctor's cheek. "But I need to. Doctor...I love you too."

The Doctoress smiled shakily. She leaned over and tenderly kissed the other woman. "Thank you," she said, and kissed her again.

The Mistress sighed and laid her head on the Doctoress's shoulder. "I suppose this means that I'm the one who said it first. You'll never let me live that one down."

The Doctoress chuckled a bit. "It's always about one-upmanship with us, isn't it?"

"Well in this case, it's more like one-upwomanship," the Mistress remarked.

"Oh, dear, that was terrible."

"I learned from the worst."

"I beg your pardon, my puns are always tasteful and incredibly clever."

"Oh, get your nose out of the air. Your third may have been able to pull off the haughty look, but all your nose is suited for is cutting butter."

Their laughter was interrupted by their men. "Having fun, girls?" asked the current Doctor.

"Oh, indubitably," said the Mistress. "You know, I'd forgotten how charming you used to be." The Doctor's past self snickered slightly.

"Oh, ha ha ha," said the Doctor, scowling playfully. "Well, the Master and I managed to fix the TARDIS."

"Yes, indeed," said the past Master. "All it needed was my miracle touch."

"Well, the full of himself part certainly carries over," commented the Doctoress, smirking.

"Oi!" shouted the Masters simultaneously.

The Doctors laughed. "Well," said the Doctoress, turning to her future partner and kissing her on the cheek. "See you soon. But not too soon, I hope."

"Goodbye, my dear," said the Mistress.

"Take care of him," said the past Master, shaking his future self's hand.

"Oh believe me, I will," said the Mistress, stroking her Doctor's hair.

The old Master turned to the new Doctor and soundly kissed him. "Until we meet again."

The Doctor smiled.

* * *

The girl Doctor and the male Master left, hand in hand. The male Doctor and the girl Master watched them go.

"Handsome couple, don't you think?" asked the Mistress.

"Yes, indeed." The Doctor stooped down and kissed his own Master fervently.

"What was that for?" asked the Mistress as she pulled away, green eyes casually widened.

The Doctor smiled knowingly. "For what you told me."

"Ah. You remember." The Mistress looked slightly embarrassed.

"Yes. I do," he replied, kissing her again. "And I love you too."

The Mistress grinned slowly and pulled her Doctor by his bow tie inside their TARDIS, slamming the door shut behind them.


	14. The Morning After

**I ought to be ashamed of myself for not writing any Three/Delgado stories. So, I thought this little ficlet up. Hope you like it.**

**By the way, I'm working on the stories you guys have suggested, but yes, I am still taking requests.**

* * *

Title: "The Morning After"  
Starring: Third Doctor/Delgado!Master  
Summary: The title says it all.

* * *

The Doctor was very warm. And comfortable. Which was rare for those stiff UNIT cots. He really didn't want to get up. The only thing he had to complain about was this hair tickling his nose-

The Doctor's eyes popped open.

He was not lying on his issued cot from UNIT, but in a large, queen sized bed, covered in a light grey down comforter. He was completely naked, and the reason he was so cozy was because he was curled up around a warm body...the warm body of the Master.

His arms were wrapped around the Master's bare torso, and his own chest was pressed up against his back. His face was buried in the Master's soft, darkish curls, and one leg was thrown possessively over his thigh.

The Doctor swallowed nervously and, trying not to make any noise, carefully removed his leg from the Master's hip, and then, attempted to unwind his arms from the Master's top half, but the sudden motion caused the Master to wake up.

The Master's dark eyes blinked several times confusedly, then he slowly turned his head to look at the Doctor, his facial expression somewhat bewildered.

"Erm...hello," said the Doctor cautiously.

The Master licked his lips. "Hello," he replied, equally cautious.

Neither of them knew what else to say.

The Doctor looked away awkwardly, and decided to disentangle himself from the jungle of limbs. He sat up in the bed, ran a nervous hand through his fluffy hair, and rubbed the back of his neck, lips pursed in embarrassment.

"Erm..." he said again, casting a sideways glance at the Master. "We probably shouldn't mention this to anyone."

"Indeed," agreed the Master promptly.

The Doctor nodded once, waited a moment, then got out of bed to retrieve his clothes, which lay strewn all over the carpet of the Master's bedroom. He pulled on his trousers, then began buttoning up his frilly shirt. Then, he paused and looked at the Master again. "We should do this again sometime," he said.

"Oh, most definitely."


	15. My Doctor, Your Nurse

**By special request from keepcalmandfangirlon. The Doctor's not exactly hurt as much as sick, but the Master is taking care him. Sorry it took so long, my friend. :)**

**(By the way, both Oscar Wilde and Truman Capote were gay. Just to clear that up.)**

* * *

Title: "My Doctor, Your Nurse"  
Starring: Ten/Simm!Master, Valiant fic  
Summary: The Doctor expectedly falls ill, and the Master unexpectedly takes care of him. This is unexpected...

* * *

The Master noticed something wrong with his little prisoner. The Doctor had been looking pale lately. He hadn't been eating much, and one day, he even collapsed, right there in the conference room.

The morning after that little incident, the Master found the Doctor still lying in his makeshift dog house, firmly asleep.

"Wakey, wakey, Doctor. Big plans today. I'd rather hoped you'd join me in a trip to Siberia. Do you still appreciate ballet? I thought after overseeing the execution of the head of the Ukrainian rebel fleet, we'd go see a production of Swan Lake."

The Doctor moaned something incoherent.

"What was that?" The Master touched the Doctor's wrist and immediately noticed the heated skin. He moved up to the Doctor's forehead. The Doctor groaned and deliriously relished the feel of the Master's cool palm against his fevered skin. "You're burning up. I _knew_ something was wrong with you. Stupid, stubborn Doctor." He called his guards. "Take him to my chambers immediately," he ordered.

* * *

The Doctor confusedly awoke in a large, comfortable bed, surrounded by puffy feather pillows and thoroughly tucked in by a luxury down comforter. The Master did appreciate comfortable beds, as he knew all too well.

A glance down at his now wrinkleless hands told him that he'd been de-aged. He also noted that he'd been stripped of his pinstripe suit and fitted into a pair of soft, cotton pajamas. He blinked several times, trying to get the sleep out of his eyes. Then he spotted the Master standing in the doorway, arms crossed, watching him.

"You're quite ill," he said, without explanation.

"Hello to you too," said the Doctor. "Is this your work?" he asked, flexing his hand.

"I figured you'd have an easier recovery with a younger man's immune system."

"Ah," said the Doctor. "And this is your bed, I take it."

"Of course," the Master replied.

"Where will you sleep?"

The Master shrugged apathetically. "I can take the couch for a few nights."

"But what about Lucy?"

The Master fixedly stared at his patient. "Lucy doesn't sleep with me."

"Ah," said the Doctor again, blinking slowly several times.

"You need rest," said the Master, noticing the Doctor's heavy eyelids. "Try to sleep. I'll refrain from doing anything too despicable during your respite."

The Doctor seriously doubted this, but was too tired to argue, so he simply laid his head back on the fluffy pillows and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The next time the Doctor woke up, he was being served hot chicken broth by the Master.

"Open," said the Master, and immediately jammed in a spoonful of the stuff into the Doctor's mouth. The Doctor swallowed obediently.

"Your fever's broken," said the Master, serving another helping. "I predict that you'll be your normal, rambunctious self in a week or so."

The Doctor took in this information just as he took in the soup: quietly and thoughtfully. After the bowl was halfway finished, and he couldn't stomach anymore, he finally asked the Master, after the dishes had been cleared away by the staff, "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" The Master was playing dumb.

"Don't be coy. Why are you pretending to be my nursemaid?"

"I haven't the foggiest idea what you're babbling about," said the Master, turning away and imperiously cracking open a book.

"You put me up in your bed. You fed me chicken soup. And is that a clean bedpan I'm sitting on?"

The Master, rolling his eyes but still not looking at the Doctor, said, "This is only temporary, I assure you."

"But why though?" persisted the Doctor.

The Master sighed disgustedly. He was simply taking care of the Doctor while he was ill, and how was he repaid? With suspicion and questioning. Typical. "Because as much as I'd like to watch you suffer through your malady until you're forced to regenerate, I happen to need you alive and well for my plans."

The Doctor raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You haven't needed me before, except to stroke your ego. Why am I so important now?"

"Hush. I'm reading." The Master locked eyes with his book and began reading aloud. "_The studio was filled with the rich odor of roses, and when the light summer wind stirred amidst the trees of the garden_..."

The Doctor lay back and listened contentedly to the Master read aloud. After a few minutes, he recognized _The Portrait Of Dorian Grey_. What an ironic piece for the Master to choose, the Doctor mused. The tale of a man turned evil and insane in his pursuit of everlasting youth. Not to mention, the author's sexuality. The Doctor wondered if he'd hear _Breakfast At Tiffany's_ by Truman Capote next.

"I heard that," grumbled the Master. "You're not funny. And for the record, I'm not reading to you. I'm merely reading for my own enjoyment. Whether or not you're listening is your own affair."

"Oh sure, of course," said the Doctor, who in no way wanted the Master to stop.

The Master glared at him for a moment, then returned to his reading. "I lost my place," he grumbled.

"'_I like persons better than principles_...'" prompted the Doctor.

The Master harrumphed. "Thank you. _'I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world_...'"

The Doctor didn't remember much after that, as he soon found himself drifting off to sleep, something of a peaceful smile on his face.

The Master watched the dozing Doctor for a moment, watched his chest bob up and down as he breathed and as his long eyelashes occasionally fluttered. He could kill him right now, if he wanted to. He could've have poisoned his soup, perhaps crushed an aspirin into his orange juice. In fact, he could've killed him easily at any point during this week. Or during this year, if he really thought about it.

But instead of doing that, the Master simply sighed, stood up, and placed a damp compress on the Doctor's forehead. But not before dropping a light kiss on it.


	16. Pride, Prejudice, And Pigheadedness

**The Rani was a cool villain. I really loved her. I hope they bring her back for season 8! Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to the late, great Kate O'Mara. Feel free to LOL.**

* * *

Title: "Pride, Prejudice, and Pigheadedness". Or, "How To Court A Time Lord".  
Starring: Mentioned Five/Ainley!Master, but mostly, just a pissed off Rani who's too busy for this sh*t.  
Summary: The Rani is sick and freaking tired of the Doctor and the Master's domestic spats. (Set at some point after _The Five Doctors_.)

* * *

She was in the crucial stages of her experiment when the Master barged in, slamming the door of her lab, upsetting some various beakers and test tubes.

"Master," the Rani grumbled, not even bothering to look up-because who else would be idiotic enough to burst into her lab while she was working?-to see who her intruder was. "Whatever scheme you've got cooked up to take over the universe or get the Doctor in bed with you, I'm busy."

"Don't even _mention_ that man to me!" the Master hissed, flinging himself down into the Rani's computer chair, explicitly ignoring her statement. "Do you know what he did to me?" he asked, glaring at the Rani's back. "Well, considering that I'd just encountered him over the whole Magna Carta incident, Borusa sent me to the Death Zone to rescue his miserable existence from Rassilon and his damnable game of insanity! And I went, of my free will, to save his life! But do you think that mattered to the Doctor? No! Instead, he accused me of collaborating with a legion of Cybermen-as if I'd ever sink to such extremes-made off with my recall device, and left my unconscious form to the mercy of the Cybermen! Of all the cheek!"

The Rani sighed dramatically. It was clear that these experiments wouldn't be completed until her "guest" was placated. "Master. You've read _Pride And Prejudice_, I presume."

"I may have skimmed it during my short strandage on Earth, thanks to that insufferable man. Why do you ask?"

"Well, Mr. Darcy," she said, turning around on her rotating lab stool to look at him dubiously. "There may be more successful ways to court Miss Elizabeth than antagonizing her."

The Master's cheeks turned purple. "If you are insinuating that I...that the Doctor and I-"

"Oh, save your denial for someone fool enough to actually believe it," the Rani cut him off, rolling her eyes. "You could cut the sexual tension between the pair of you with a butter knife."

The Master fumed, but said nothing.

"Now I may not be an expert on such matters," said the Rani, for it was true, she'd much rather invest her time and effort into something less trivial than relationships-like science. "But it seems to me that the way to win a man's heart isn't attempting to destroy his favorite planet or pushing him off of radio towers."

"I never pushed him!" interjected the Master. "The cautionless fool got _himself_ knocked off that tower, tripping with his enormous feet over that ridiculous scarf. For once, I was innocent."

"Nevertheless, why do you try...oh, I don't know...being _nice_ to the Doctor? Invite him for tea, or swordfighting, or golf on Metabilis Prime. Perhaps if you weren't always obsessed with conquering the universe, he might consider you as a friend. Besides, the whole 'ruler of the universe' thing isn't all it's cracked up to be. I come home drained just from managing one planet. I'd hate to be the guy who's in charge of infinity."

"Well, I wasn't going to rule it by myself," admitted the Master. "I was going to assign factions to my allies. You included, of course."

"Oh, thanks, I'm flattered."

"And of course, I was going to have the Doctor ordain by my side," added the Master. "The two of us, Potentates of the Universe. How much gall can one man have to refuse such a gift?"

"Start out small," suggested the Rani. "Send some flowers, maybe. I've heard the Doctor's quite fond of azaleas."

"Azaleas," muttered the Master, putting a thoughtful finger to his beard as he got up from the Rani's chair and began to head for the door.

"Perhaps attach a card too," added the Rani after him. "Then maybe he'll allow you to invite him for dinner."

"Yes, yes," said the Master. "Flowers, then dinner, _then_ rulers of the cosmos. You're entirely right, I've been coming on too strong. Thanks ever so, my dear Rani."

The Rani sighed as the man in black whisked out of her lab, cloak flapping behind him. "You're welcome," she muttered, then turned back to her work. But before she could even pick up the first pair of forceps, the_ Doctor_ came barging in!

"You would not _believe_ the day I've had-"

"OUT! GET OUT!" she bellowed, pointing a finger at the door.


	17. Clothes Make The Man

**By special request from RayRay! You want it, baby, you got it!**

**I'm sure we've all felt like giving Six a makeover at some point. The Master is no exception. (While writing this, I found myself singing "Take It Like A Man" from Legally Blonde: The Musical for some reason...)**

**By the way, I've noticed this habit of citing pieces of literature in my stories lately. Is that weird?**

* * *

Title: "Clothes Makes The Man"  
Starring: Sixth Doctor/Ainley!Master  
Summary: The Master decides it's high time something was done about the Doctor's wardrobe.

* * *

"Oh, really, Master, this is absurd!" exclaimed the Doctor, as the Master prodded him through the doors of a Men's Wearhouse.

"No, my dear Doctor, what's absurd is your fashion sense," replied the Master calmly. Sure enough, the Doctor's bizarre rainbow attire was attracting stares from patrons of the department store. One clerk in particular was biting her lip as she studied him, apparently trying to decide whether to ask the men if they needed any assistance, or if the Doctor's spectacular taste in clothes was beyond anyone's help.

Well, the Master did enjoy a challenge.

The Doctor continued to protest as the Master pushed him toward the men's suits. "My clothes are perfectly fine the way they are, thank you! I've never felt the need to impress you."

The Master rolled his eyes. "Your third's costumes were a little eccentric, but at least they were tasteful. Four wore a bit too much burgundy, but it was a complementary color. And I seem to remember your last incarnation running about in cricket whites all the livelong day."

"Ha! Don't even try! You were practically gagging for 'Five', as you would call him, and his sports wear. I will admit," said the Doctor, beginning to preen a bit. "As stupid as my hair looked, I had rather a nice body in those days."

The Master cleared his throat and stared pointedly at the Doctor's new sunny blonde curls.

"Oh, shut up." The Doctor's face flushed the same shade of vermillion as his outrageous jacket.

"Nevertheless," said the Master, shoving a navy blue suit into the Doctor's arms, "this time, you've really botched up. So, I've been forced to take matters into my own hands. Now, go try this on."

"And if I refuse?"

"Then dammit, I will go in there and undress you myself like a Barbara doll," growled the Master.

"Alright, alright!" exclaimed the Doctor, scooching off toward the dressing rooms.

The Master crossed his arms and chuckled darkly. If the Doctor's new clothes achieved the effect he meant for them to have, he might still do just that.

Well, the navy didn't work. "I look like a yacht sailor," complained the Doctor, fiddling with the lapels of his blazer.

"Mm, I'm afraid I have to agree with you on that point," said the Master. "Here, perhaps this," he said, handing the Doctor a suit of light grey.

But the grey was just too serious for this excitable, outspoken Doctor. It gave him the air of a cheap, disinterested lawyer. The yellow suit had an interesting effect paired with the Doctor's bright gold ringlets, but disagreed with his skin tone.

"_Tweed_?" spat the Doctor, on his fourth suit. He surveyed himself in the mirror, wrinkling his nose. "I look as if I've robbed a geography teacher! Please, somebody slap me into my next regeneration if I'm ever caught wearing _tweed_."

"Hmm," said the Master, studying one suit in particular. The color was a little unusual, but then, anything was a step up from the Doctor's current technicolor design. "Here," he said, thrusting it into the Doctor's arms. "Try this."

The Doctor looked at this new suit, then back at the Master, dubiously.

"Don't you trust me, Doctor?" purred the Master.

"Not particularly, no."

"You wound me. Please. Just one more?" The Master leered. "For me?"

"Oh, fine. But just one!" The Doctor stomped off back to his stall and closed the curtain with a flourish.

The Master rolled his eyes. The Doctor could act high and mighty all he wanted, but the truth was, he knew he liked the attention.

The Doctor came out in the new suit. He held his arms out. "Well?" he said expectantly.

The Master raised an eyebrow as he considered the Doctor. "I like it," he answered honestly. "I like it very much."

The Doctor consulted his reflection in the full length mirror. The suit was baby pink, and while it was still an odd color, it was definitely a step up from the rainbow-checker ensemble he'd been wearing. It complemented his skin well, and brought out a rather charming blush in his cheeks.

"Well," said the Doctor, straightening his tie. "It's a little _Great Gatsby_...but-and I hate to admit it-but you were right, Master."

"Of course I was," said the Master smoothly. "Haven't you learned by now, Doctor? I'm right about most matters."

"Ha!" bellowed the Doctor. "I wouldn't go quite that far."

"I'll take that to mean 'thank you for my new clothes, Master, I'm very grateful, Master'."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." The Doctor looked around for his own clothes, but they had disappeared. "Master, where are my clothes?"

"Ah, yes, the circus duds." The Master smirked. "Well, I tried to give them to a homeless man-thought you'd appreciate the charitable gesture-but he rejected them. Said they were "too damn ugly". So I was forced to burn them."

The Doctor looked beside himself. "You burned my clothes?! Of all the-how _dare_ you-"

The Master shushed him and began escorting him to the checkout counter. "Don't worry, my dear Doctor. It was for the best, in the end."


	18. What has Been Seen

**The Brig is my favorite non-companion character. (Except for the Master, of course!) He's just so…Brigadier. Anyway, I had to write at least one story starring him. **

**More Three/Delgado stuff. Huh. I just realized…I'm writing a story about two old men doing the dance with no pants.**

**I think there's something aesthetically wrong with me.**

* * *

Title: "What Has Been Seen". Or, "Goddamnit Doctor, If You Two Are Going To Do That, Learn How To Lock The F*cking Door".  
Starring: Three/Delgado!Master, and a Brigadier who's about to be scarred for life.  
Summary: Seriously, it's not that hard! You just turn the little button on the doorknob, and boom, these things won't happen anymore.

* * *

It was midday. The Brigadier was strolling down to the canteen for lunch. He passed by the door to the Doctor's lab, when he heard voices coming from inside.

"I cannot let you do this!" he heard the Doctor exclaim.

"You have the power to stop me, Doctor," answered a voice which the Brig immediately identified as that of the Master. "Give me what I want, and I'll leave your precious humans alone."

"No," gasped the Doctor. "No, no, I…I won't do it!"

"Then you leave me no choice. I will destroy this miserable planet."

"No, please!" begged the Doctor. The Brigadier was taken aback by the unmistakable sound of tears. "Alright," the Doctor finally conceded. "I surrender."

"Good Doctor," said the Master, and the Brig could just visualize the cruel smile the evil man must be wearing right now.

There was silence for a few moments, and then- "Oh! Oh, no, please! Have mercy!"

The Master cackled triumphantly. "Yes. How does it feel, Doctor?"

The Doctor whimpered.

The Brigadier decided at the moment that he must stop the Master in whatever dastardly deeds he must be committing, with the poor, defenseless Doctor at his mercy. He flung open the door and dashed inside. "What the blazes in going on in he-_OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD_!" he cried, quickly slamming the door shut and standing up against it, trying to unsee what he'd just witnessed.

The Doctor hadn't been in any danger. The Master wasn't trying to kill him. They hadn't been arguing. They'd been…_roleplaying_!

Jo walked by, nibbling idly on an egg salad sandwich. She looked up and observed the Brigadier's horrified expression. "You too, huh?" she said, calmly taking a bite. "Yeah. I walked in on the two of them last week."


	19. RLA-Fangirls Stick Together

**Okay, Internet friends. Trying something new. Meet the Red Lady, my OC, sort of. Except she's based on a real person. You guessed it. I am the Red Lady.**

**The Red Lady likes to invade the Doctor and the Master's timeline and troll them, since, you know, she doesn't have anything better to do. No one knows her real name, no one knows how she jumps into random scenes, and no one knows when she's going to pop in next. And of course, her favorite OTP is the Doctor and the Master, much to their chagrin.**

**So, here we go. The first installment of..._The Red Lady Adventures!_**

* * *

Title: "Fangirls Stick Together"

Starring: A giggly Red Lady and Rani, at the expense of the Doctor and the Master, who are confused. (Can be any Doctor/Master combo of your choice. Though it's probably Ainley and Five, Six, or Seven, considering it's the Rani.)  
Summary: Under no circumstances should fangirls should never be allowed to become friends. Ever.

* * *

The Rani's TARDIS materialized in close proximity to the Doctor's familiar blue box. She stepped out, a very large, very threatening looking weapon in her hands. "And now, Doctor, you die," she sneered.

"Oh, hello. Who are you?"

The Rani whirled around. Standing behind her was a short, slightly overweight girl. She was about seventeen, and she had longish, straight red hair, bright blue eyes, long eyelashes, pale skin, an upturned nose, a round face, and a chin shaped like a butt. "Who are you?!" demanded the Rani, aiming her gun at this intruder.

"Oh, please," said the girl indifferently, crossing her arms. She was American, and her clothes were that of a high schooler's-a plain red blouse, blue jeans, and white tennis shoes. "I'm not a threat to you," she said. "I just came to visit my old friend, the Doctor. I haven't annoyed him in a while; I figured he'd be missing me."

"You know the Doctor?" asked the Rani, lowering her gun slowly.

"Oh, yes. Quite well. We go back ages." The girl grinned.

"But you're not a Time Lord," said the Rani.

"Nope, nor a Time Lady either," agreed the girl. "I'm totally, one hundred percent human."

"Then how do you know the Doctor so well? Are you a Time Agent?" asked the Rani.

"Nope."

"Then what are you?"

The girl considered that for a moment. "I'm...a writer," she finally said.

"Well, I'm the Rani," she said. "I'm a Time Lady."

"Ah, yes, I think I've heard of you." The girl smiled and shook her hand. "Lovely to meet you. I am the Red Lady."

"Good to make your acquaintance."

"So, why exactly did you want to kill the Doctor?" asked the Red Lady.

"Oh...hmm, that's funny. I forgot," said the Rani.

"Just as well," said the Red Lady. "He might have the Master in there, and God knows that man always forgets to lock the door when he has his boyfriend over."

"Oh, tell me about it. I went to school with them, and-" The Rani let out a loud psh of air.

The Red Lady cracked up. "Yeah!"

The two women laughed for a moment, then froze. They studied each other suspiciously.

"Wait..." said the Red Lady slowly. "Do you ship the Doctor and the Master?"

The Rani looked confused. "What is 'shipping'?"

"Oh, sorry, it's a human thing. It means you think they're in or should be in a relationship."

"Oh. Well, yes. I do."

"Me too..."

The two woman eyed each other for a moment, then yelled at the same time, "OH MY GOD, SISTER!"

They hugged emphatically. "I can't believe this!" squealed the Red Lady. "We should totally be best friends!"

"Okay!" agreed the Rani, whose rough exterior had disappeared, and the teenage girl she'd never really been came out.

"I'm so glad someone finally agrees with me on this!" said Red.

"I know, right? They're sooooo gay."

"So gay!"

"They are such gay Time Lords."

They both gasped. "Gay Lords!" they said, then burst into a whole new wave of giggles.

At that moment, the door to the blue box flew open, and the Doctor came storming out, followed by the Master. "What is all the ruckus out here?!" exclaimed the Doctor, then stopped short, seeing the two women standing there. "Rani?" said the Doctor, surprised.

"Red Lady?" added the Master, equally surprised.

The two girls looked at each other and cracked up all over again, actually falling on the ground this time.

The Doctor and the Master stared at the two of them. "What's so funny?" demanded the Master.

"Stop it!" added the Doctor. But they just kept on laughing and laughing.

"Oh, wonderful," sighed the Master. "Now that those two are friends, we'll never get a moment's peace!"


	20. Mark Of The Master

The title is in slight tribute to "Mark Of The Rani". That is all. (What has been up with me writing Six stories lately? Weird.)

* * *

Title: "Mark Of The Master"

Starring: Six/Ainley!Master, and a confused Peri.  
Summary: What's that red mark on the Doctor's neck? ;)

* * *

Peri had been searching the TARDIS for the Doctor, but he seemed to be missing. "Doctor!" she called for what seemed like the millionth time.

She wandered into the console room, and was met with the sight of the Doctor entering through the front doors, bright checkered coat and candy stripe trousers slightly disheveled. "Oh, there you are!"

The Doctor jumped in surprise. "Oh, Peri! I didn't think you'd be up!"

Peri looked confused. "At eleven o'clock in the morning?" She liked to sleep late, but _geez_...

"Eleven?" The Doctor consulted his pocket watch and winced. "He kept me later than I thought."

"Who kept you?" asked Peri.

"Nobody," said the Doctor quickly. "What do you say we take a trip to Feldspoon? I believe the local wine festival is happening right about this time of year." He peeled off his rainbow coat and hung it up on the coat rack by the door.

"Doctor! What is that?!"

"Hmm?"

"You have a huge red mark on your neck!" she exclaimed, pointing.

"What?!" The Doctor looked in the mirror and a spotted very conspicuous red marking on the edge of his collar bone. He stared at it in horror.

"What is it, Doctor?" asked Peri, looking worried.

"I don't know," lied the Doctor uncomfortably. "It could be a bite from one of those Milarkorax we encountered on Grandosia last week."

"It looks like a hickey," said Peri, tilting her head to the side.

"It most certainly is not a hickey!" snapped the Doctor, stomping off to the wardrobe to look for something to hide this mark.

"That sly bastard," muttered the Doctor once he was out of Peri's earshot.

* * *

Ten minutes ago...

"I really must go," panted the Doctor.

The Master chuckled darkly. "Of course, my dear Doctor. But first, a parting gift." Stealthy as a panther, he swept down and licked, bit, and sucked on the Doctor's sensitive clavicle. The Doctor gasped and clung to the other man.

The Master looked up from the intense love bite and grinned wickedly at the Doctor. "Mine," he muttered, dark eyes glittering.

The Doctor swallowed and set about collecting his discarded clothing, which somehow in the dark, still glowed like a neon sign.

**The Master watched him go and chuckled to himself. **


	21. Mean Time Lords

**I know it's not _exactly_ Doctor/Master, but I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. XD**

* * *

Title: "Mean Time Lords"  
Starring: Three, Jo, and a cameo from Ten!  
Summary: The third Doctor is the nastiest skank bitch I've ever met. Do not trust him. He is a fugly slut! (Total crack!)

* * *

"Hey," said Jo as the Doctor came up to her.

"Why were you talking to the Master?" he asked suspiciously.

"I don't know," said Jo nervously. "I mean, he's so weird. He just, you know, came up to me and started talking to me about universal domination. He's so pathetic."

The Doctor looked disgusted and cocked a hip. "Let me tell you something about the Master. We were best friends on Gallifrey." He made a face. "I know right, it's _soooo_ embarrassing. I don't even…whatever. So then in my second incarnation, I started going out with my first boyfriend Jamie McCrimmon, who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Scotland, and the Master was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow him off to hang out with Jamie, he'd be like 'Why didn't you call me back?!' and I'd be like, 'Uh, why are you so obsessed with me?' So then for my regeneration party, which was an all Time Lords pool party, I was like, 'Master, I can't invite you because I think you're gay.' I mean, I couldn't have a gay guy at my party! There were going to be guys there in their bathing suits! I mean, right? He was gay! So then his mom called my mom and started yelling at her and it was so retarded and then he left Gallifrey in his TARDIS 'cause no one would talk to him and he came to Earth and he'd grown a goatee and he was totally weird and…" The Doctor shrugged. "Now I guess he's obsessed with universal domination."

Just then, a tall skinny guy with spiky brown hair walked by. "Oh my God, I love your trenchcoat!" the Doctor called to him. "Where did you get it?"

"It was Janice Joplin's in the '60's," answered the guy.

"Vintage," said the Doctor, nodding. "So adorable."

"Thanks." The guy grinned and walked away.

The Doctor smirked at Jo. "That was the ugliest effing coat I've ever seen."


	22. Intoxication

**I feel like this series has been all about the Doctor and Master getting caught in bed together by various third parties. I wanted to write something where the Doctor was sweet to the Master, especially after one of their more unpleasant escapades. Besides, sometimes, I just get mad at the Doctor while watching Classic Who. He's really sh*tty to the Master sometimes.**

**By the way, should I write a drunk Doctor story? *gets met with a resounding yes***

* * *

Title: "Intoxication"  
Starring: Five/Ainley!Master  
Summary: It's amazing the things you'll say when you're white girl wasted. (Set some time after _The Five Doctors_. And yes, I know there's already a story sort of like this one out there; I'm not copying it!)

* * *

The Doctor found the Master sitting in a bar on Tersurus, defensively nursing a glass of booze. "Screwdriver," diagnosed the Doctor, sitting down at the Master's table, next to him, and sniffing the inside of the glass. "Laced with hyper vodka. And judging from your current blood alcohol level, I'd wager this isn't your first cocktail of the evening. You know, considering that you really haven't the liver to spare, Master, I'd advise against binge drinking."

The Master glared woozily at the other man. "Piss off," he slurred, in a very un-Master-like manner.

"I'm only trying to help," said the Doctor innocently. "I worry about you."

"Oh, yes, I could tell," mumbled the Master drunkenly. "From the way you _abandoned_ me in the Death Zone! I don't need your pity, Doctor. Leave me alone. Your pets will be wondering where you've gone, anyway."

"Tegan and Turlough are fast asleep in my TARDIS," said the Doctor. "It's been a long day for us. _All_ of us," he added, including the Master.

The Master snorted ungraciously. "I suppose you waited for them to retire before sneaking out to see your loser ex-best friend?"

"You're not a loser, and no, I didn't _sneak out_, per se…" The Doctor looked a bit embarrassed. "I…may have…slipped them some valeriana."

The Master raised an eyebrow. "Well, well, well. The Doctor, resorting to date rape drugs. I would have never guessed."

"Watch yourself, Pot," warned the Doctor. "Besides, they needed to sleep, and sleep soundly. But mostly, it was so I could talk to you without being interrupted."

"You didn't seem very interested in talking when I was trying to help you," pouted the Master. "You always do the nastiest things to me, Doctor! And you never feel any remorse!"

"Now hold on a tick-"

"First, you break into my TARDIS and steal my dematerialization circuit," said the Master, calculating their encounters on his fingers. "Then you knock me out and leave me at the mercy of the Keller machine. You took advantage of my feelings and got my hopes up of us traveling together when we battled the Axons. And don't even get me started with the dæmons, or the sea devils-"

"Excuse me!" snapped the Doctor. "I seem to remember excavating you from a pile of rubble at Logopolis-a perfectly peaceful world that you destroyed! And I won't even mention the nasty things you've done to me personally: strangulation by phone cord, feeding me to Kronos, framing me of assassinating the High President, and all the other countless attempts on my life. But I never held that against you. I may have misjudged your intentions on this occasion, I'll admit it. But if I've ever treated you unfairly, it was in favor of rescuing the universe from your sordid schemes!" He stood up to leave, wondering why he'd gone after the insufferable man in the first place.

"But you don't understand!" cried the Master, whose drunkenness was now at the stage of hysterical tears. He clung to the tails of the Doctor's cricket coat. "I never wanted to kill you! Why would I? I _love_ you, Doctor! I always loved you! But you never, ever cared! You-you-" The Master's sobs were cut off by him emptying his stomach all over the Doctor's plimsolls.

The Doctor took a dignified step out of the pile of vomit. There is nothing more pathetic than the sight of a drunk Time Lord, sobbing and whimpering, eyes bleary and hair disheveled, and covered in his own sick.

Especially when that Time Lord is your ex-boyfriend.

The Doctor sighed and helped the Master up. "Come on," he said, leaving a small sum on the table to pay for the drinks, and slipping an arm around his waist, supported his old friend back to his TARDIS, which was disguised as, ironically, a telephone booth.

The Doctor, with great care, undressed the Master, cleaned him off, changed him into clean pajamas, and put him to bed.

"Why are you doing this?" murmured the Master, closing his eyes and laying his head back on the comfy feather pillows. "I hate you," he hissed.

"No you don't," said the Doctor gently, pushing the Master's dark hair back and lightly kissing him on the forehead. "And for the record…I don't hate you either."

The Master's eyes opened and stared up into the Doctor's own crystalline blue ones. With some difficultly, he reached up, clutched the lapels of the Doctor's coat, and pulled him down for a proper kiss. The Doctor didn't fight back, but closed his eyes and let himself be kissed.

The Master, finally releasing the other man, shut his eyes once more and fell soundly asleep. The Doctor watched him sleep for a moment, then, after making sure the Master was properly tucked in, turned to leave.

"He's going to have one hell of a headache tomorrow," he said to himself.


	23. RLA-Shopkeeper

**Here we go, sports fans! Another edition of..._The Red Lady Adventures_!**

* * *

Title: "Shopkeeper"  
Starring: Any Master you want, and of course, the meddlesome Red Lady.  
Summary: Honestly, the Master can't even go shopping with the Red Lady making innuendo about him and the Doctor...even if she is right.

* * *

The Master walked into a store. He was here to do some much needed shopping.

There was no one at the counter when he entered. He impatiently dinged the "ring for assistance" bell. "Hello?" he called.

A red head suddenly popped up from behind the counter. "Hello, Master!"

"Ah!" The Master slightly leapt back in surprise and, seeing who his assailant was, groaned. "The Red Lady."

"In the flesh, dearie." She smiled sweetly at him.

"Since when do you own a shop?" questioned the Master.

The Red Lady shrugged. "Gotta make a living somehow. Now, how may I help you?"

"I need to buy some lubricant."

"_Well_, then!" yelled the Red Lady, so loudly that the Master would have been knocked off his feet if this were a Peanuts cartoon. She leered at him with a silky smirk.

The Master gave her a withering glare. "I know what you're thinking-"

"Hey, what you and the Doctor do on your own time..." said Red, raising her hands in surrender.

"It's not that type of lubricant!" growled the Master.

"Oh, of course not." Red winked.

"Why must you always be so juvenile?" the Master fumed, turning red with humiliation.

"'There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes'," quoth the Red Lady.

The Master rolled his eyes. "Would you just sell me the lube, please? The mechanic variety, if you please."

"Coming right up." The Red Lady ducked down behind the counter and immediately popped back up with two items: a spray canister of WD-40, and another generic looking white tube.

The Master eyed it uneasily.

"Now," said Red. "To spare you the indignation, I'm going to go brew myself some coffee. Since, you know, tea is disgusting. It should take about, oh, fifteen minutes tops. Please leave the money on the counter. Thank you." She smiled knowingly and flounced away.

When she came back, a small sum of currency had been left on the counter. The WD-40 remained. But the other tube was gone.

She smirked.


	24. RLA-The Voice Of Kamelion

**It's a-me! Catie-o! Forget the phone call from _The Sound Of Drums_, _this_ is the slashiest scene in _Doctor Who_! By the way, I was actually thinking of changing my FF handle to The Red Lady, whaddya think?**

* * *

Title: "The Voice Of Kamelion"  
Starring: Five/Ainley!Master and their constant annoyance, the Red Lady.  
Summary: (_The King's Demons_) The Red Lady pops in on her OTP in 13th century England.

* * *

The Doctor stared the Master down with an icy glare and said, marching straight up to him, "You cannot be allowed to alter the course of history, even indirectly."

The Master smirked. "How do you propose to stop me?"

"I shall have to give it some thought," said the Doctor, raising his eyebrows threateningly.

"You haven't much time," the Master pointed out.

"And you haven't your compressor," the Doctor shot back.

The Master stepped closer and hissed into the Doctor's face, "I still have my wits."

"So do I."

The two men stared into each other's faces, blood boiling, jaws set, until the angry silence was broken by the sound of someone saying (in an American accent), "Oh, quit flirting and get a room already!"

The Time Lords started and turned around. Kamelion, which had been sitting in the chair quietly all this time, was watching them, grinning evilly. Its shape had been shifted while their backs were turned. Kamelion now looked like a short, stumpy teenage girl with shoulder length red hair, pale skin, and bright blue eyes. She was wearing a red blouse, blue jeans, and white trainers.

"Red Lady?!" they exclaimed.

The real Red Lady's head popped up from behind Kamelion's chair. "Hello!" she said, grinning her usual playfully wicked grin at them.

"You again," grumbled the Master.

"Me again." The Red Lady batted her eyelashes innocently.

"You always do pop up at the most, er...unexpected times," said the Doctor.

"Yes, it's a less than charming habit. I do wonder how you do it though," added the Master.

"That's my little secret, boys." The Red Lady turned and winked at her readers.

"What?" said the Doctor.

The Red Lady laughed triumphantly and came around the other side of the chair, leaning her elbow on the corner of it and propping her head on her hand. "You know," she said, smirking. "You two have chosen so conveniently to hold this little meeting in a bed chamber. If you want, I could go outside and watch the door, if you wanted to be...you know. Alone?" She winked.

"Bed chamber? Alone? Whatever are you talking about?" asked the Doctor confusedly.

The Master, on the other hand, was looking off to the side, visibly embarrassed.

The Red Lady giggled uncontrollably at the two of them. The Doctor looked from her, to the bed, to the Master, and back at the Red Lady. Then, his eyebrows shot up, and his blue eyes widened in realization. "Oh, good gracious!" he cried. "Are you implying that the Master and I-"

"Pwahahahahahahaha!" The Red Lady plopped down on the floor, laughing even harder at them now.

The Doctor's face turned quite red. "Now see here, Red. I don't know where you get these preposterous notions. The Master and I...well, we're old friends, or used to be, anyway, but we never...we're not-!"

"Oh, no, of course not!" giggled the Red Lady, trying to control herself now. "You just fight like a married couple. And stand too close to each other. And fawn over each other. And obsess about each other. No, it's clearly nothing like that. How silly of me."

"Yes, that's correct," growled the Master. "The Doctor and I are adversaries. Not...partners." He practically choked on the word, despite attempting to come off as composed.

"Actually," spoke up the other plump ginger girl in the room. "I think she's right."

"Well of course you would!" said the Doctor to Kamelion, who still looked exactly like Red. "She's controlling you right now."

"Nope," said Red, shrugging. "Wasn't me. Not this time."

"I do have a mind of my own, my demon," said Kamelion-Red.

"She-er, it does?" asked the Doctor, turning to the Master.

"Yes," said the Master. "Kamelion is sentient to some extent, but easily susceptible to suggestion."

"I can think for myself," said Kamelion. "And from what I've seen, I must agree with the Red Lady. The two of you seem quite infatuated with one another."

"Thanks, Kam," said Red.

"Anytime."

"Well, this is preposterous! The two of you are quite confuddled!" insisted the Doctor. "The Master and I could never, ever be...intimate." He blushed. "You don't seem to understand the extent of our relationship. The Master...well, he despises me."

"Ah, hate," nodded Red. "The yin to love's yang on the scale of passion."

"Love?" repeated the Doctor. "Now that is absolutely-"

"Correct," the Master cut him off.

The Doctor's head turned so fast that the Red Lady worried her blonde baby had just given himself whiplash. "What?" he said.

"I said she's absolutely correct," said the Master. "Our dear Red Lady is right. I am rather enamored of you, Doctor."

The Doctor's blue eyes bulged out of their sockets and his mouth hung slightly open. "You...like me?" he squeaked, like a preteen girl whose crush had just asked her out.

"I do," said the Master, giving up the dignified schtick and looking away, blushing lightly.

The Doctor licked his lips nervously. He hesitantly reached out and took the Master's hand. The Master looked up in shock, brown eyes wide.

"Well, why didn't you ever say anything before?" A silly smile spread across the Doctor's face. He leaned in and lightly kissed the Master on the lips.

The Master's eyes widened even more, then closed as he kissed the Doctor back, placing a cautious hand on his soft cheek.

The Red Lady grinned at her doppelganger. "Well, I think our work here is done."

Kamelion-Red grinned back at her cohort. "Indeed."


	25. Intoxication (Remix)

**Sometimes I wonder if Jon Pertwee, Roger Delgado, and Anthony Ainley are watching me write this stuff about their characters from the afterlife and thinking, "...you pervert." Well, they're dead now, so their opinions don't matter anyway. (Okay, I'm kidding.)**

* * *

Title: "Intoxication" (Remix)  
Starring: Five/Ainley!Master  
Summary: After the events of _The Five Doctors_, the Doctor feels incredibly guilty and decides to drown his worries with a pint or two...or eighteen.

* * *

The Doctor threw back another shot of whiskey. He'd winced at the sharp taste of the first several drinks, but by now, the burn of the booze barely bothered him.

His mind was in a fog. Which the Doctor thought to himself was good, considering that he'd come in here to forget something. What was it? Oh, yes, the Master. The Doctor wanted to smack himself for drudging that up. It had slipped his tipsy mind. Until now, of course! He sighed and called for another shot.

"I rather think you've had enough," said the patron sitting at the bar beside him.

"Hmph," grumbled the Doctor, downing another shot. "Umma Time Lerd," he slurred. "I could schober up like _that_!" It took him several attempts to correctly snap his fingers.

"See I so," observed the patron. "Why haven't you then, Lord-"

"Doctor!" he exclaimed, drunkenly shaking the other man's hand. "Um tha Doctuuur!"

"Ah. Well then, Doctor. Why have you decided to drown your sorrows in a quart of Jack Daniels?"

"A quert?" said the Doctor, looking confused. He scratched as his normally neat blonde hair. "Suuuuurely I huven't drunk a quert of this shi-stuff." He burped.

"Nearly two," corrected the man, ignoring the Doctor's almost swear and belch.

The Doctor blinked, one blue eye, then, the other. He ripped the celery off of his lapel and bit into it. "You wan know why um drunk?" he crunched, pointing the stalk at his new found friend like a fencing foil. Oh, don't bring up fencing! Too many bad memories. Well actually, they were splendid memories, but too painful. "Iss because um a terrible, no good, dirty rotten son of a Racnoss!"

"Oh really?"

"Shif'less, worf'less pesa Bantha fodder!" nodded the Doctor, belching again. "I leff my bess fren to DIIIIIE and now hill neh fugimme!"

"My dear Doctor, please pull yourself together. Your slurring will be illegible to the readers."

"Don call me tha!" sobbed the Doctor, slamming his head down on the sticky counter of the bar. "Oln he gess ta call me tha!"

"Please calm down."

"Bu hah kin I?" wailed the Doctor. "Why kint we jess be frenz agin?!" Then, he raised his head and starting singing, "_Why can't we be friends…why can't we be friends-_"

"Doctor, please. You're terrible enough at karaoke sober, let alone completely intoxicated-no, no more!" the man exclaimed, slapping the Doctor's hand away from another shot glass. "Come now. You'll poison yourself into your next regeneration at this rate."

The Doctor sniffled as the man took his arm and gently lead him out of the bar. "Wheh-were we gon?" he mumbled, and hiccupped.

"To my home. You need a good strong cup of coffee."

"I don like coffee," the Doctor pouted.

"I'll put extra sugar in it."

The Doctor shut up.

The man led him to, interestingly enough, a Port-A-Potty. The Doctor gave a hiccupy giggle. "I don think it'll fit bovovus."

"You'll find it's bigger on the inside. Come along, Doctor."

The Doctor blinked as the man led him inside. The interior certainly was bigger. "Iss like a TARDIS!" he gasped.

The man smiled. Oh, he had a nice smile. Like someone else he knew. But who? That ginger kid with the school uniform and the stripy tie? No. Not Turlap, or whatever his name was.

The Doctor dazedly looked around. The room, with its black walls, swam before him. He stumbled and fell backward a bit, into his new friend, who caught him around the middle. "Careful, dear," said the man.

The Doctor's heartsrate picked a little and he blushed. Oh, who was this man? And who did he remind him of so much?

The man helped him regain his balance. "Come on, Doctor. The kitchen is this way."

The man gave him a warm mug of dark brown liquid. It smelled good, at least. "You'll like it, Doctor," said the man. "Plenty of sugar, as promised."

The Doctor took a sip and slightly recoiled at the sharp taste, but drank it anyway. This man seemed to know his tastes exactly. Incredible! "Iss not bad," he mumbled.

"I'm glad you like it," said the man. "It should help your metabolism kick start so that you can regain your coherence."

"Oh, but I don wanna re-regain my coherence!" protested the Doctor, feeling the drunken fog in his mind beginning to clear up. "I just want to be drunk and forget all about…Master?" He blinked up at the man, his brain now clear.

"Hello, my dear Doctor," said the Master.

The Doctor put down the mug. "Oh, Master, I'm so sorry! I should have believed you! About the Cybermen, about the High Council, everything!"

"Distrust is part of your nature, Doctor," said the Master. "At least when it comes to me."

"No, don't try to make me feel better, I've been perfectly awful!" He took the Master's hand, which was unusually ungloved, in both of his. "You've no reason to pardon me after I've been so beastly toward you. But would you forgive me?" His eyebrows scrunched over those cornflower blue eyes of his. "Please, Master?"

The Master slowly smiled. "Oh, my dear Doctor. I'm afraid you're terribly forgivable. And I'm an utter fool when it comes to you."

Then he leaned in and kissed the other man.


	26. RLA-The Final Game

**I _died_? Whaaaaaaat?! By the way, considering changing my handle to The Red Lady. Yay or nay?**

* * *

Title: "The Final Game" (_The Red Lady Adventures_)  
Starring: Ten/Simm!Master, Jack, Martha, Lucy Saxon, but mostly, your friend the Red Lady.  
Summary: (_The Last Of The Time Lords_) Our friendly neighbor meddler takes a bullet for the Master. Is this the end of the Red Lady?! *dramatic gasps*

* * *

As much as the Red Lady enjoyed visiting her babies from Classic Who, she felt as though she should go and see Ten and Simm!Master. They did break her Doctor/Master hymen, after all. So she teleported to the 21st century: 2007 (or 2008, depending on your point of view), season three: _The Last Of The Time Lords._

She materialized in the conference room of the Valiant, and she could tell that the Master had just been defeated, because everyone in the room looked fairly happy, except of course the Master. Poor baby.

"You still haven't answered the question," the Master was saying to the Doctor. "What happens to me?"

The Doctor inhaled and stuck his chin out (Aw, he's so adorable when he tries to be serious, thought the Red Lady.). "You're my responsibility from now on," he said. "I'm the only Time Lord left in existence."

The Red Lady smiled to herself, thinking of the events from _The Day Of The Doctor_. "Don't be so sure," she murmured.

Jack rushed over to the Doctor. "Yeah, but you can't trust him!" he hissed.

"No," the Doctor agreed. "The only safe place for him is the TARDIS."

"You mean you're just gonna...keep me?" said the Master, and he didn't ask the question in anger or indignance. It was asked with hope. The Red Lady's heart nearly broke as she realized how _okay_ with this the Master was. Even he was a prisoner, the Master felt wanted by the Doctor at last. Of course, the Doctor had loved the Master the whole time, but her babies had been too pigheaded to ever admit it. "Oh, Master," she whispered, sniffling a bit.

The Doctor nodded, trying to remain impassive, but of course, the Red Lady knew better. "If that's what I have to do." He turned to Jack, Martha, and the others in the room (but he didn't yet spot the Red Lady). "It's time to change. Maybe I've been wandering for too long," he announced. He cast a longing look at the Master. "Now I've got someone to care for," he said.

The Red Lady held back a cascade of joyful tears. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Lucy Saxon pull out a gun.

"No!" she shrieked, jumping in front of the Master and catching the bullet meant for him. She gasped in pain, clutched her midsection where the bullet had sliced through, and collapsed into the Master, who caught her in surprise.

"I've got you," he said, carefully laying her down. The Doctor rushed to his side. "Always the women," the Master said to him.

"I didn't see her, either of them," said the Doctor, panicking. "Red Lady. What are you doing here?

She smiled weakly up at him. "My babies, reunited again? You had to know I wouldn't be far behind."

"Master, she's not like us, she's not a Time Lord, she's human. She's dying!"

"I know that!" snapped the Master. He looked down at her angrily. "You knew she was going to shoot me. You knew, you always know. And you still jumped in the way."

"Got you working together, didn't it?" She smiled craftily up at the two men, then winced.

"Red, for once, this isn't about your..._shippings_!" exclaimed the Doctor. "You're about to die! Don't you ever think about yourself?"

"Not particularly." The Red Lady closed her eyes. "Take care of each other for me, would you? I've put a lot of work into you two."

"No, no!" The Doctor grasped the girl's hand. "It can't end like this. The three of us, think of all the things we've done! Remember the Axos? And the Daleks? You were there, cheering us on through all of it." A teardrop rolled down his freckledy cheek. "We don't even know your name," he whispered, kissing her forehead.

"My name...my name is the Red Lady," she said, smiling. "All the name I need. Everything you need to know about me. We know all about the power of names, don't we...Theta? Koschei?"

The Time Lords gasped, looked at each other, then back at her. "How do you know our nicknames from the Academy?" asked the Master.

"Like he said, I was there for all of it. Well, most of it. The important moments."

"Please," whispered the Doctor. "We don't want to lose you."

"I'm afraid there's nothing we can do. Things do get lost, you know. And now, you must excuse me. Oh," she tsked, in true Fourth Doctor fashion. "You have a lot to do."

She smiled, giving her babies one last look. "The Doctor and the Master, together again. How about that?...I win."

Then, she closed her eyes for the final time.

The Doctor burst into tears and laid his head on her sternum, crying. The Master continued to cradle her in his arms.

"Why?" sobbed the Doctor. "Why does she have to die?! It's not fair! I-I never told her, but..." He hiccupped. "I was rather fond of her. I acted like her popping up all the time annoyed me, but the truth is, I quite liked her. Oh, I should have told her!"

The Master swallowed. "Yes. She was sweet, and clever. I liked her too...and we'll get to tell her, Doctor."

"We will?" sniffled the Doctor, wiping his eyes. "How?"

"Stand back," the Master ordered.

The Doctor did so, confused, but not asking why. The Master laid out the Red Lady's body flat on the floor, placed his hands over her bullet wound, and closed his eyes. His hands began to emanate golden energy...

"No, wait!" exclaimed the Doctor, dashing forward, realizing what he was about to do. "Let me-"

"Please, Doctor. I'm only on my third body of this cycle. I've regenerations to spare. The same could hardly be said about you."

"But you're wasting your life energy!" the Doctor protested.

The Master's head whipped around to glare at the Doctor. "To save her is not a waste. Her life is worth a hundred of mine."

"Not to me."

The Master's lips twitched into a smile. "Save all the mushy stuff for when the Red Lady wakes up. If she finds out that we had a love scene while she was dead, well...we might just need those extra regenerations after all."

The Doctor smiled, knelt down on the other side of the Red Lady and took her hand.

The Master closed his eyes and pushed the golden energy out of him, letting it transfer from the palms of his hands to the Red Lady's wound, and the pulse of light surged through her body, healing her, reviving her.

"Master, her pulse is picking up!" exclaimed the Doctor. "It's working!"

The whole of the Red Lady's body glowed brilliantly, alighting her pale skin and long red hair. The healing energy shone through every pore, and the Red Lady glimmered warm and yellow like the sun.

Then, the light faded and died away, and the room was deathly still. No one dared to breathe as they stared at the still girl.

"_Please_," whispered the Doctor.

Her long eyelashes fluttered, and her brilliant blue eyes opened. They swiveled to look up at the Doctor, then the Master. Then, she painstakingly craned her neck and studied the large ruddy blood stain on her front, even darker than the crimson of her blouse.

"Damn," said the Red Lady. "I really loved this shirt."

The Doctor laughed in relief and snatched the Red Lady up in a hug. "Oh!" she said in surprise, and hugged back. Then she turned and embraced an unsuspecting Master. "Oh!" she said again, releasing him. "I feel most peculiar...sort of..._tingly_."

"That's the Artron energy," said the Doctor. "It feels a bit weird, but it'll wear off in a few minutes."

"Artron energy? But that's..." Her eyebrows scrunched together, then shot up in realization. Then they set. "Who?" she demanded.

The Master sheepishly raised his hand.

The Red Lady glared at him. "You used up a regeneration to save me?"

"Erm...yes?" asked the Master.

The Red Lady gave him an icy glare for a long time, then did the most unexpected thing ever...

She kissed the Master.

"Mmph!" exclaimed the Master, taken completely by surprise.

The Red Lady released him, and then, without any warning, slapped him.

"_Ow_!" he cried, putting a hand to his bright red cheek. "What was that for?!"

"Same thing as the kiss," said the Red Lady. "You are never to do that again, do you understand?!"

"Yes!" said the Master, who after the kiss and the slap, didn't know what to expect next from their little American firecracker.

"Good!...And thank you," she said, pulling him into another tight hug. "Now go on. Go with the Doctor, live happily ever after. Sorry about snogging your boyfriend, by the way," she said, looking at the Doctor.

The Doctor pretended to check his watch. "Only been alive for a minute and a half and already making innuendos. You're worse than Jack, Red."

"And that's saying something," added Jack. "Hi, Captain Jack Harkness, by the way." He winked at the Red Lady.

"Well, hello, soldier," she said, smiling back flirtatiously.

"Oh, don't start!" exclaimed the Time Lords in tandem.

The Red Lady cracked up. Yes, as much fun as Classic Who was, she really should visit NuWho more often.


	27. Guilt

**If you want a good Doctor/Master song, I recommend "Stars" by Grace Potter. Feels! Also...my mom bought me Four's scarf. I'm wearing it right now. Currently drowning in **_**Doctor Who**_** fangirlness. =D**

**One thing we D/M shippers seem to forget or choose to ignore is that the Doctor did love other people. He had a wife on Gallifrey (I personally don't believe the theory that the Master was Susan's "grandmother"), and was married to River, and much as I don't ship it, he did love Rose. And that's alright...just long as the Doctor loves the Master the most. Because we know the truth: Koschei is the Doctor's true love.**

**By the way, the other non-canon pairings I mentioned are just other people's theories, not mine. Sorry if you don't lime them. But I believe that an important part of being a fan of something is supporting others' theories and ships, even if you don't agree with them. I don't get mad when people don't ship Doctor/Master, and I don't berate them for shipping Doctor/Rose, or whatever. (At least not verbally.)**

* * *

Title: "Guilt"  
Starring: The Twelfth Doctor (*sings "all by himself..."*), mentions of all historical D/M pairings.  
Summary: The Doctor loves the Master more than anything. But it's been something of a tragic love story.

* * *

Sometimes, the Doctor feels guilty.

Actually, that's an understatement; the Doctor feels guilty all the time. But sometimes, when his companions are asleep and he's alone in the console room, the Doctor lounges in his jump seat and lets himself be miserable, to yearn. Specifically, for Koschei. The Doctor misses many things, his family, his lost friends, his people, but among them, Koschei is one of the ones he longs for the most.

When he left Gallifrey in a stolen TARDIS with his beloved granddaughter, disgruntled with the corruption of his home planet, he had fleeting fantasies of locating his old friend/love. His wife-whom he had forcibly been wed to by their families, but was still fond of, even loved to some extent...just not the immeasurable love he'd had for Koschei-had been divorced from him for some time. Perhaps they could pick up where they left off...but deep down, he knew it was impossible. This wistfulness, however, continued all throughout the remainder of his first incarnation, and well into his second.

It was only until he'd reached his third life that he'd begun to put those pipe dreams behind him. But of course, the universe, being the cruel, ironic jester that it was, reentangled his and Koschei's paths. Although now, his old love went by a new name. Along with the Unified Intelligence Taskforce, the Doctor and the Master battled back and forth, the Doctor always managing to outwit him, but never truly winning. In fact, every "victory" made him more and more afraid that he and the Master would never be friends again. Those theories were confirmed when after the incident with Kronos, the Master didn't return. When the Master had offered to share rulership of the universe with him, there was a small part of the Doctor that had wanted to accept. But as usual, morality came first.

It was many decades later, in the Doctor's fourth form, that he found Koschei again, nearing the finale of his ultimate life. As emotionally numb as this incarnation tended to be, the Doctor's hearts still bled for his former friend. How much pain this withered, blackened shell of a man must be in. As angry as he was when the Master killed Tremas, an intelligent scientist and a good man, and stole his body, he was slightly relieved that his best enemy was now well and out of his misery.

His fifth body came into being thanks to the Master, but somehow, he never could bring himself to hold it against him properly. Oh sure, it offered more evidence to his case that Koschei was gone, and that this evil, insane murderer had taken his place. But still, the Doctor, in this innocent sweet form, kept dishing out more and more forgiveness, until they met on Sarn, and the Doctor could no longer deny that the Master had to be stopped. It was something of a relief when he regenerated on Androzani, into a new, less compassionate, feeling man. But still, even as he was changing, he had a vision of the Master laughing at him manically, chanting, "Die, Doctor! Die! _Die_!" He considered it punishment that this life concluded so soon after it had ended the Master's. Sometimes, even a millennium and a half later, he could still hear the man's anguished screams as the Doctor stood by and watched him burn alive.

When the Sixth Doctor encountered the Master and discovered that he was alive, he pretended to be annoyed, but was secretly overjoyed. It was even more of a surprise when the Master came to his rescue and defended him from the sinister Valeyard. When he inquired why, the Master merely replied that he couldn't allow an entity more evil than himself to exist. But the Doctor thought he saw a little glimmer of Koschei behind the guarded brown eyes. In any event, he was grateful to the Master for saving his life. It was more he did for him on the cheetah planet, when he met the Master in his seventh form. Of course, it wasn't the Doctor's intention to strand the Master on the dying world. He hadn't even a means of rescuing him, though if he had, he would have. So instead of mourning the Master, he did what he always did-put on a forced smile, said to his companion _du jour_, "Come on!", and walked away. Luckily for him, his seventh incarnation was a bit cold sometimes. Besides, he had reasoned to himself at the time, even hindered by the cheetah virus, the Master would most likely survive. He always did.

And nothing proved this hypothesis more than the Master's brief return in San Francisco. The Doctor had only just regenerated, and it seemed as though his eighth life was going to be quite literally short lived. But he'd managed to defeat the Master. Or rather, the Master cocked up and ruined his own plans, as usual. But the Doctor, who was somewhat an unfortunate romantic this time around, felt the need to save his old friend. But the Master, ever infuriatingly stubborn, refused his offered hand and was devoured by the Eye Of Harmony.

The Doctor had been terribly saddened by that. But honestly, he should have known better by now. Because just when he thought he was the last Time Lord in existence-guess who showed up at the end of the universe?

The Doctor felt a surge of joy and fear simultaneously when he found the Master still alive, and free from the Time Lock. After he'd lost Rose-who reminded him very much of his first wife: sweet, pretty, a bit boring, but overall fairly lovable-he'd truly thought he was alone. But then he'd rediscovered the Master, and felt new hope. "Please," he'd pleaded. "We're the only ones left!"

He heard the Master's flippant snort over the phone. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

So, with the help of Jack and Martha, he defeated the Master once again. And then, just when he thought things were about to change between them, that he and the Master could finally have the chance to reconcile, Lucy Saxon pulled out a gun.

He'd held the dying Master in his arms, pleading with him to regenerate. "And spend the rest of my life imprisoned with you?" hissed the Master. And then, for the umpteenth time, he died. And the Doctor, being particularly sensitive in this form, had his hearts broken once more.

He ran from his impending death, but eventually found himself back on Earth, with his old enemy revived, and even more mad than before, if that were possible. Again, he'd pleaded with the Master to abandon his attempted conquest of the Earth, and to just...come with him. And for the first time in a long, it seemed like the Master was actually listening. But then the Time Lords came, and the Doctor watched dazedly as the Master sacrificed himself to save his life. And then, he was gone, and the Doctor was left alone again.

The Eleventh Doctor thought of Koschei from time to time, even vocally referenced him occasionally. But he had other things on his mind: the Ponds, the cracks in the universe, the mystery of the Impossible Girl, the Silence, among other things. Believe it or not, he felt as though he and Koschei had left things in a good place. Of course, he still missed him terribly, and felt guilty that the Master was back in the Time War, which he'd feared and tried so hard to flee. But the Doctor at least had the comfort of knowing that he and Koschei, after centuries of warring back and forth, had reached some sort of reconciliation.

River Song had reminded him so much of the Master-clever, mad, naughty, and loved him fiercely. He felt guilty that some infinitesimal part of him fantasized that she was secretly the Master in disguise. She was like all the others the Doctor had been in love with over his near two thousand years of existence: Jamie, Romana, Turlough, Fritz, Rose, Reinette Poisson, his first wife, even his own ship (sort of)...he had loved them all. And they would always hold special places in his hearts. But the love he felt for them would never come close to the love he felt for Koschei.

It didn't make sense, did it? To love a man who did such terrible things. Who conquered and plundered and murdered without the slightest twinge of regret. The Doctor should disdain and be revolted by such a despicable person, but that was the tragedy of it all...he didn't. He couldn't. Try as he might, his hearts still bled and ached for the Master. No. For Koschei. The good man who lived inside the evil entity.

So here he was, in his twelfth body. A whole new lease on life. Gallifrey was safely tucked away in a pocket universe, with Koschei somewhere on it. The Doctor looked forward to the day when he could bring it back, find his old friend, old enemy, old _love_...and tell him how sorry he was. How much he wanted them to be close again. Maybe Koschei would agree. Or maybe he wouldn't. Maybe there was so much bad blood between them that their relationship was irreparable, but somehow, he didn't think that would be the case. Maybe Koschei would want to stay, travel with him, the way they always planned.

And maybe, the Doctor could finally stop feeling guilty.


	28. Shadows In The Moonlight

**I don't normally listen to country, but as I am from Texas, I hear quite a bit of it. Anyway, when I heard this Anne Murray song, an image appeared in my head of the Doctor and the Master dancing at the Ponds' wedding. And since one of you requested another Eleven/Cumberbatch…well, here you go. (And for the record, yes, I'm still taking requests. I always try to fill them out, but sometimes it takes me awhile to think of something.)**

**Also, I changed my name to "IAmTheRedLady". Some butthole took "The Red Lady", so I had to Voldemort that bitch! Grr…**

* * *

Title: "Shadows In The Moonlight"  
Starring: Eleven/Cumberbatch, and the Ponds. (Our two happy couples.)  
Summary: The Doctor thought he didn't have a date for Amy and Rory's wedding…he thought wrong.

* * *

The Doctor happily watched the Ponds dance and laugh. Amy looked radiant in her white dress, and even Rory looked fairly handsome. Everyone around him was having a good time. And even though he was now back with the Ponds…he felt strangely lonely.

However, the Doctor was not at all shy, and made sure to dance at least once with every guest-even the men. When he'd finally released Rory's dad Brian, an American country song began to play:

_We'll be shadows in the moonlight.  
__Darlin', I'll meet you at midnight.  
Hand in hand, we'll go dancin' through the Milky Way._

Amy wrinkled her nose. "Ugh, country! Rory, I'm never letting you pick the music again."

"Oh come on, Amy, this is a good song," said Rory, sweeping up his new bride for a dance.

The Doctor smiled at the two of them, and looked around. It seemed that everyone had a partner for this song. He shrugged. Oh well. Maybe he could go do the Awkward Giraffe in the corner by himself.

"Excuse me." A hand touched his shoulder. "It would seem that you are without a dance partner. Would you do me the honor?"

"I would love to-" The Doctor ecstatically spun around to face the person…and froze.

He was tall, even taller than the Doctor, which was unusual. He was also quite slender as well. His hair was in messy scarlet ringlets, his cheekbones were sharp, like that of a model, and his eyes were icy blue.

The Doctor swallowed. "Hello," he whispered nervously.

"Hello, my dear Doctor," said the Master, smiling smugly at the Doctor's surprise.

"Listen," said the Doctor, trying to sound serious, to hide his fear. "I don't know how you got here, I don't know what you're up to, but please. _Please_. Don't ruin their wedding. For me. I'm begging you, Master."

"Why, Doctor, you insult me," said the Master, looking mockingly hurt. "I had no intention of raining on anyone's parade. I don't carry out evil schemes everyday, you know."

"Then why are you here?" asked the Doctor.

The Master smiled and wrapped one arm around the other man's torso, and interlaced the fingers of his other hand with his. "I'm here to dance with you."

The Doctor was taken by surprise as the Master began to move them to the music. He was quite graceful, and the Doctor found himself lowering his defenses and relaxing into the Master's grasp, moving in closer. Their foreheads touched and rested against each other. At the moment, they looked more intimate than the bride and groom.

Amy looked up from her husband's adoring gaze over at her Raggedy Man. Her eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. "Who's that?" she asked Rory, nodding to the Doctor's dance partner.

Rory looked at him and shrugged. "Dunno."

So the Doctor and the Master danced. "I know it can't always be this pleasant, my dear," the Master whispered in his ear. The Doctor shivered slightly, and the Master held him even more firmly. "But for now, it can be," he said softly.

_And we'll find a little hideaway;  
__ Where we can love the whole night away.  
We'll be shadows in the moonlight, right up till the light of day…_


	29. An Unlikely Friendship

**I normally don't write Theta/Koschei, but this little story just popped into my head. I think of them as James and Severus from **_**Harry Potter**_**; Theta as a witty, arrogant troublemaker, and then Koschei as the weird, disclosed, studious kid. A strange friendship that somehow works.**

**Also, I'm sorry in advance for using the word 'faggot'.**

* * *

Title: "An Unlikely Friendship"  
Starring: Theta and Koschei  
Summary: Koschei's roommate is a self-satisfied, flippant ass. So why is he so popular?!

* * *

Koschei (or Psi Epsilon, to his teachers and classmates) seriously despised his roommate. He wasn't sure why, but there was something terribly irksome about the smug, charismatic bastard.

From their very first encounter, there had been something distinctly off putting about him. Koschei, thirteen years old, walked in into his new dorm room, bags slung over his shoulder. The first thing he noticed...were shoes. There were shoes laying haphazardly in the middle of the floor.

Koschei narrowed his eyes at them for a microsecond. He dearly hoped that his new roommate wasn't normally such a slob.

"Oh, hello."

Koschei looked up in surprise to see a boy about his age lounging on the bed on the far wall (The nerve of him, taking the bed by the window, without even asking first!). His new roommate, the owner of the shoes.

"Hello," said Koschei civilly.

"You're my new roommate, then?" asked the boy.

"I suppose I am."

"Great...well, don't just stand there like an idiot! Come on in!" He smirked at Koschei.

Koschei swallowed back distaste and walked inside, stepping around the shoes and resisting the urge to pick them up and place them neatly by the door. He deposited his luggage on the floor beside his bed that was _not_ beside the window. Then he turned around and held his hand out to his new roommate. "I am Psi Epsilon, of the House of Oakdown," he recited, as he had been raised to take pride in his house. It may have seemed snobbish to some, but something about it appealed to Koschei.

The boy rolled his eyes and slapped him high five instead of the intended dignified hand shake. "Theta Sigma. Lungbarrow. Put 'er there.

Koschei again swallowed and turned to make his bed. Theta Sigma watched him. "You're real, er...neat, aren't you?" he asked as Koschei folded down the corners of his sheets hospital style.

"Reasonably," Koschei replied, a little defensive.

"Yeah, okay. I'll try to remember that," said Theta Sigma, putting his hands behind his head and staring disinterestedly at the ceiling.

Koschei finished making his bed and then proceeded to put away his clothes and shoes (in their _proper_ place). Then, with nothing else to do, Koschei excused himself and left the room.

* * *

Over the course of the next few weeks, Koschei developed more and more negative feelings toward his roommate. Despite his claim to respect Koschei's cleanliness, he kept his side of their room a little too cluttered for Koschei's liking. But Koschei bit his tongue at that. After all, it _was_ Theta's half. He had the right to keep it the way he wished.

In all honesty, Koschei was mostly irked by his roommate for his amazing ability to attract people to him, to make friends. Even the teachers liked him better that Koschei. Koschei watched his roommate with unfettered envy as he was joined by at least a dozen other people at lunchtime in the cafeteria. Theta was the leader among them, the others looking up at him with respect and adoration. Meanwhile, Koschei sullenly sat at a table by himself.

Another thing that was simple infuriating about Theta Sigma was that despite his incredibly laziness, his grades were overall better than Koschei's. He spent all night studying for that practical mathematics exam, and yet somehow, Theta still made higher marks!

The only subject Koschei truly beat him in was Trangressional Psychokinetics. Which was why it was slightly surprising when one night, Theta came up to him and sheepishly asked him to tutor him.

Koschei at first didn't know how to respond ("Piss off" might have been acceptable), but with some reluctance, he agreed.

"Great! Thanks Psi, you're a lifesaver," grinned Theta. Koschei could suddenly see why all the girls (and some of the boys) were attracted to him. He had a very comely smile.

Koschei slightly shook his head. What a strange thing to think.

He and Theta sat on the sides of their respective beds, facing each other. "I need to practice mind penetration. I've tried so hard in class, but I'm rubbish at it," said Theta.

"Well," reasoned Koschei. "It might help to execute it if you had experience receiving probing first. Then you might get more of a feel for how it's done."

"Er...you wanna look inside my mind?" said Theta, looking suddenly uncomfortable.

"What? You have something to hide?" snorted Koschei.

"No," answered Theta, sticking his chin out defiantly. "I'm game for anything. Go on. Have a look."

"Alright." Koschei closed his eyes, and within three or four seconds, entered Theta Sigma's psyche.

He was rifling through bits of Theta's memories and thoughts: his family: a pretty mother, a stern yet kind father, a couple of younger sisters who were as blonde as their brother. He saw a younger Theta tinkering with a gadget of his father's, completely ruining the internal wiring, and really catching it from his father. He laughed a little at that.

He delved a bit further and saw into Theta's thoughts about his school: his slight trepidation about leaving home, his stress about his marks in Psychokinetics, the homesickness he felt for his family, the way he thought Koschei's hair was really quite nice-

Wait, _what_?

"I think I've got it!" exclaimed Theta happily, surprising Koschei so that he broke the psychic bond between them.

"Er, are you sure? I could...demonstrate some more," Koschei offered. He needed to get back inside Theta's mind, what had that bit about him been?

"No, no, I'm sure," said Theta. He closed his eyes, and Koschei hurriedly blocked what he had seen in Theta's head, and any other fleeting thoughts he had about the boy for that matter.

Koschei felt Theta mentally reach outward and probe his mind with curious, clumsy fingers. He tapped at Koschei's own memories of home, his thoughts about school. Then, his connection snapped.

Koschei opened his eyes. Theta was looking at him with a pained expression...something like pity, but not quite.

"What?" Koschei demanded.

"Er...nothing." Theta lay down and crawled under his covers. "Goodnight, Psi," he said after a moment.

* * *

The next morning, Koschei awoke to find his roommate gone to breakfast. Koschei too, got himself dressed and went down to the canteen. But something stopped him.

"Hey, you. Faggot," called a voice.

Koschei turned around. Standing some feet behind him were Pollox and Keschal, two upperclassmen who Koschei found it incredible had managed to stand before the Untempered Schism and not have had their paper thin minds completely burned through.

"Got our homework?" asked Pollox, accentuating the end "k" and somehow, from ten feet away, managed to hit Koschei square on the cheek with spittle.

Koschei didn't flinch. "I don't normally make it a practice to bring homework with me to breakfast. Or, for that matter, do homework for those too lazy and incompetent to do it themselves. Now, if you gentlemen will excuse me-"

"What did you say to me, Cream Puff?" demanded Pollox, grabbing Koschei by the collar.

"Unhand me," ordered Koschei, still trying to sound apathetic.

"Bring us the damn homework, worm," said Keschal, twisting the shell of Koschei's ear, "or you'll be eating out of the trash bin for breakfast. Understand me?"

"Let go!" yelped Koschei.

Pollox sighed. "Forget this little punk. Let's just waste him now."

"Fine." Without a particle of hesitation, Keschal landed a blow right at Koschei's nose. Koschei landed on the ground, clutching his nose, which he found was leaking blood. The bullies laughed and Pollox punched him sharply in the stomach. Koschei groaned.

"Hey! Leave him alone!" Koschei heard a shout.

"Stay out of this, Lungbarrow," sneered Keschal. "If you know what's good for you."

"Leave the guy alone," Koschei heard Theta say again, threateningly.

Pollox snickered. "And who's gonna make me? You?"

"Theta, what's going on?" Koschei peeked out from behind his fingers to see that Theta had been joined by Drax, Ushas, and a few others Koschei didn't recognize.

"Er, hey, listen," Keschal gave a nervous laugh. "We were just...having a little fun is all."

"'Fun' doesn't normally end up with someone having a broken nose," said Theta, nodding to Koschei. His arms were crossed, his jaw was set, and he looked like one not to be trifled with.

"Get out of here," ordered Theta. "Now. And if I hear of you laying one finger on anyone else, well..." He gestured to the collective around him. "...just remember. I have friends."

Pollox and Keschal nodded and took off down the corridor. "Better follow them," Theta whispered to Ushas, who nodded and took off after them.

"Alright, nothing to see here," said Theta to the rest. "Go back to your breakfast."

The queue turned and went back inside the cafeteria. As soon as they were gone, Theta rushed over to Koschei. "Holy crap, Psi, are you alright?" he asked, kneeling down beside him.

"Yes, I believe so," said Koschei, slowly sitting up. "I think it's just a nosebleed." He pinched his nose and tilted his head back.

"No, no, lean forward," instructed Theta. "You do that and the blood will just run to the back of your throat."

"Thank you, doctor," said Koschei sarcastically, following his advice.

"You sure you're alright?" asked Theta. Koschei tried not to shiver under his concerned gaze, with those intense blue eyes, those long lashes...

"I'm fine," said Koschei. "And...thank you, Theta."

Theta smiled and stood up. "No problem." He offered his hand. "Come on, Psi."

Koschei took the hand offered to him. He started to follow him, but then thought a moment. "Theta?"

"Yes?" Theta turned back.

"Erm...it's Koschei. My friends call me Koschei." Koschei smiled at him shyly.

Theta grinned back. "Koschei it is."

Yes, he had a lovely smile, Koschei thought to himself.


	30. An Apple A Day

**As hot as Five/Ainley are together, I think Three/Delgado are so cute, with all their flirting and puppy dog stares. I really should write them more often. Also, I'm rubbish at writing kissing/make out scenes. Sorry. Maybe if I had more real life experience... :-(**

* * *

Title: "An Apple A Day"  
Starring: Three/Delgado!Master  
Summary: You know the old saying. So does the Master. He just took it a little too seriously.

* * *

"Apples, old chap?" asked the Doctor, raising an eyebrow in disbelief.

"That's right," said the Brigadier, passing him a field report. "The Master's been spotted all over England, attacking open markets, grocery stores, and now, whole orchards."

"What the devil could the Master have against apples?" the Doctor wondered aloud, flipping idly through the folder.

"I don't know," said the Brigadier. "But we thought that you could apprehend him."

"I'll certainly try," said the Doctor. "Where will I find him?"

"The Master is a creature of habit, logic, and pattern," explained the Brigadier. "If our algorithms are correct, he's going to hit up the Sweeney Orchard next. Today, in fact. You'll find the coordinates in your file. Good luck, Doctor."

"Thank you, Lethbridge-Stewart," said the Doctor, making off for his TARDIS. "Though I do hope I don't make applesauce of the whole matter."

The Brigadier closed his eyes at the terrible pun as the TARDIS's door shut behind the velvet clad individual and the blue box materialized.

"Apples," muttered the Doctor to himself, plugging the coordinates into his controls. "The man's either gone 'round the bend or is just utterly bored if he's carrying out some grudge against _apples_, of all things."

The TARDIS materialized in a grassy field, cluttered with fruit-bearing trees. The Doctor stepped out, velvet cape waving the slight breeze. He took in a breath. He'd never really been fond of the taste of apples per se, but the smell was quite nice.

The Doctor spotted the Master, TCE in hand, some ways down the meadow. He apparently hadn't noticed the TARDIS or the Doctor yet, as he was facing away from him, toward an exceptionally large and fruitful tree. The Master fired his TCE, and the tree shrank until it was no longer visible to the naked eye. Its produce could only be suitable for the apple-loving amoeba now, sizewise.

The Doctor crept up on his sworn enemy, and as the Master prepared to destroy another tree, the Doctor said, "You know, this is a new level of insanity, even for you, Master."

The Master jumped and dropped his TCE in surprise, which the Doctor took the opportunity to swoop down and pick up. "That's mine!" the Master stated as the Doctor slipped it into his pocket.

"Tough. Now why on Earth or any other planet for that matter are you choosing to spend your time destroying the United Kingdom's stock of apples, of all things?" The Doctor grinned amusedly. "Or were you planning to eradicate the country's food stock as a whole? Were you going to attack the bananas next? Were you moving in alphabetical order?"

"Doctor," glowered the Master. "How is it possible that you are even here right now?"

"I came in my TARDIS, of course." The Doctor pointed at his conspicuous blue box parked up the field. "Bessie would been a bit too slow for my tastes, though she is delightful for a leisurely Sunday drive."

"No!" snapped the Master. "I mean, how could you come here, to an apple orchard?"

"I'm afraid I don't follow you, old chap." The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck, slightly bemused.

"I was told that apples repel you, yet here we are, standing in a whole field of them. And you don't seem the slightest bit weakened or repulsed," said the Master, looking bewildered.

"Well I admit, I'm not overly fond of the fruit, although apple pie with a side of vanilla ice cream is delectable. What could have given you the idea that I am repelled by apples?"

"Why, the aphorism, of course!" the Master exclaimed.

"What aphorism?"

"You know! 'An apple a day-'"

"'-keeps the doctor away," the Doctor finished slowly. He stared at the Master, and a smirk gradually spread across his face. He burst into laughter as he realized what the Master must have thought upon hearing the popular Earth trophism.

The Master was seething. "I suppose I've misunderstood then," he grumbled.

"Just a tad," snickered the Doctor, wiping a mirthful tear from his eyes. "Did you think that apples were the kryptonite to my Man of Steel?" He cracked up again.

The Master stood there, glaring. (Mostly because he felt like a fool, but also partially because he didn't understand the Superman reference.)

The Doctor managed to get himself under control. "Oh, thank you," he said, leering widely. "I needed a good laugh today."

"Well, I'm so glad that your glee was at my expense," grouched the Master.

"But what I don't understand," said the Doctor, still smirking, "is why, if you thought that apples were some sort of weakness to me, you were attempting to destroy them all. Why wouldn't you collect them, create some super-apple weapon to use against me?"

At this, the Master looked away and blushed.

"Well, come on, out with it, man," coaxed the Doctor.

"Well, I...I..." The Master swallowed and guffawed.

The Doctor's eyebrows shot up in realization. "Master...were you destroying the apples for me? Did you want to keep me around?"

The Master frowned, disgusted with himself.

The Doctor smiled. He stepped closer to the Master, and fingered the lapel of his light blue-and-grey suit. "That was a very sweet, if misguided, gesture, Master," he murmured.

The Master looked up in surprise. His breath caught in his throat.

"As a matter of fact," said the Doctor, bringing his face closer the other man's, tilting his head slightly and looking at him through his eyelashes, "I believe that all those little schemes were just to get my attention...weren't they?"

The Master swallowed slowly. "Perhaps they were...my dear." His voice turned husky at the last two words.

The Doctor closed the gap between them and pressed his lips to the Master, smiling into the kiss. The Master groaned and brought his hand up to the Doctor's soft curls, pulling his head closer. The Doctor put his hand on the Master's jaw, gently coaxing his mouth open, and slipped his tongue inside. They snogged like this for a bit, entwined with each other, until the Doctor felt the Master fiddling with the buttons of his velvet jacket and simultaneously pulling him down to the ground. They lay in the soft orchard grass, the Master desperately trying to take off the Doctor's clothes.

The Doctor chuckled as the Master struggled with his coat. "You can't even wait until we get back to the TARDIS?"

"No," said the Master shortly, as the Doctor obliged to help him shed the coat.

"You _have_ wanted this for a while." The Doctor felt extremely self-satisfied.

"Shut up," mumbled the Master, sneakily kissing and then licking the side of the Doctor's neck. The Doctor, not expecting such a ministration, squeaked slightly and bucked his hips up against the Master's. It was the Master's turn to chuckle triumphantly.

"Nevertheless," said the Doctor, gently disentangling himself from the Master's grasp. "If we're going to go through with this endeavor, we'll need-ah-_something_ from my TARDIS."

"You're right," sighed the Master, getting up. "Wait...why would you have _that_ unless you knew that something like this was going to happen?"

"I didn't know," said the Doctor, kissing the Master swiftly, and then took him by the hand. "But I hoped," he admitted.

The Master smiled as they made their way back to the TARDIS for some long awaited love-making. He may have made a foolish error, he thought to himself, one that the Doctor would most likely not let him live down for centuries. But this, he mused, smiling to himself, made it all worth it.

And for a long time, probably the rest of their respective existences, whenever the Doctor and the Master saw an apple, they shared a secret smile.


	31. Parenthood

**I personally don't care for mpreg stories (It's not biologically possible, even for Time Lords!), but if you want to believe that the Doctor or the Master got knocked up, well, that's your prerogative. I'll just leave it up to your imagination. Leave a review as to which one you think would be "Mummy"! (By the way, in England, they don't call it math, they call it maths. I figured that's the terminology the Doctor would use.)**

**Also, if the Doctor and the Master were my parents, I'd never ever leave home!**

* * *

Title: "Parenthood"  
Starring: Ten/Simm!Master  
Summary: The Doctor and the Master are parents. How cute is that?

* * *

The Doctor watched adoringly as the Master clapped his hands and gestured for the toddler to come toward him. "That's right, Cossy! Come to da-da!" said the Master, grinning ear to ear. Not wickedly, but with delight. The Master had many smiles, evil, lustful, smug, and others, but this was the Doctor's favorite, because it reflected his love for something that they both so dearly cherished: their daughter.

"Da-da!" repeated the little girl, bumbling forward to the Master's arms. She was tiny, with a slender nose, pale skin and rosy cheeks, and a glorious cascade of golden blonde hair.

"Aw, attagirl," laughed the Master as he caught their daughter and held her in his lap. She smiled triumphantly at him.

The Doctor sighed happily. As much as he loved watching the Master play with their daughter, it was getting late. "Come on, Cosette," said the Doctor, reaching out for the child. "Time to go beddy-by."

"No!" shouted Cosette stubbornly, cuddling into her other father's arms.

"Now, Cosette, listen to your dad," said the Master gently.

The little girl blinked a pair of big green eyes and sighed sleepily. "Okay." She allowed the Doctor to pick her up and carry her to bed.

"Why is it," said the Master, smirking, "that she always listens to me?"

"Maybe because you're on a child's psychological level," the Doctor shot back, smiling sweetly.

"Ooh, you're gonna pay for that later."

"Master, not in front the baby!…"

* * *

"Come on, Cosette! Eat up! Yummy pears, num-num-num!"

"Who do you think you're fooling, Doctor?" snorted the Master as the Doctor tried to spoon feed their daughter. "You hate pears."

The Doctor glared at the Master. "No, I don't! Daddy loves pears, see?" He grinned real big at Cosette and ate some of the baby food himself. Then his expression turned sour and he dashed to the sink to spit it out. "Ugh! And I thought they couldn't get any worse!"

The Master laughed.

* * *

The Master enjoyed his tea contentedly as the Doctor read to Cosette. He was reading her favorite book, _Stuart Little_, and they were at her favorite part, the boat race. Cosette merrily clapped her hands when Stuart steered the schooner _Wasp_ to victory.

"I want a mouse just like Stuart," stated Cosette.

"Well, maybe that can be arranged," said the Doctor. He looked over at the Master. "What do you say, Father? Can Cosette have a pet mouse?"

The Master regretfully sipped his tea. "I'm not so sure that would be a good idea, Daddy."

"Please!" begged Cosette, giving her father puppy dog eyes.

"She _is_ three years old," the Doctor pointed out.

"Exactly," said the Master. "When she's older, then we'll talk about pets."

Cosette pouted a little, but finally sighed and said, reluctantly, "Alright."

The Master smiled apologetically at her, then went back to his tea. Sometimes, it was tough to be a parent. You had to be kind, fair, but firm. If it were up to the Doctor, their daughter would be spoiled rotten. The Master sighed. It was a good thing he wasn't raising the child alone. He dearly loved the idiot, but the Doctor did tend to be a tad irresponsible sometimes.

* * *

"Oh, Dad," groaned ten year old Cosette, glaring at her paper. "I don't understand any of this at all! Maths are too hard!"

"Now, Cossy, you're a smart girl. You take after your dads. I know you can do this," encouraged the Doctor.

Cosette put her pencil down. "I'm tired of this. We've been doing school for hours now. I want to go play."

"Alright," said the Doctor. "You win. What do you want to play?"

"Er, actually, Dad…I'd kind of like to play with some other kids for one," said Cosette, looking slightly guilty.

"Oh," said the Doctor, eyebrows shooting up. "Well…okay. We can do that."

The Doctor and the Master took Cosette to a park on Earth, where a small group of children were playing, their mothers and a few fathers watching nearby. One particularly friendly mother came up to them. "Which one is yours?" she asked.

"The blonde one," said the Doctor, pointing over to their daughter, who was teeter-tottering with another girl.

"Ah, she's lovely," smiled the woman. "What's her name?"

"Cosette," said the Master.

"What a beautiful name. And which of you is the father?"

"We both are," answered the Time Lords simultaneously.

"Oh. I see," said the woman, her eyebrows shooting up. "Well, I'm Irene."

"Dr. John Smith," said the Doctor promptly, accepting a handshake. "And this is my husband-"

"Sam Tyler," said the Master, making up a name on the spot, also shaking Irene's hand.

"Glad to meet you," she said warmly. "I haven't seen you around here before, have I?"

"Oh no," said the Doctor. "We just came here to let Cosette play with some other children. She's home schooled, and doesn't get out much, so we try to take her out to places like this as often as we can."

"That's a good attitude," said Irene. "It's important for children to be exposed to their peers. After all, they'll all have to coexist some day and-_Timmy! You spit that dirt right now_!" Irene went stomping off in the direction of a little boy.

* * *

That night, after Cosette was in bed, tired out from her day of play, the Doctor and the Master sat up in bed. The Doctor was slightly anguished. "That woman was right," he said. "Someday, Cosette will be all grown up, and she won't want to stay with her dads forever. I know, it happened with my own granddaughter, Susan. She met a man named David and fell in love with him. I knew she wanted to go with him, but I also knew she'd never leave me. So I had to lock her out of the TARDIS and leave her behind. Children grow up, and they have to leave home sometime. She's growing up so fast, Master."

"I know, Doctor, I know," said the Master, rubbing the Doctor's back. "But that day isn't coming for a long time. When it does, we'll worry about it then."

"You're right," sighed the Doctor, cuddling into his husband's arms. "I love you, Master."

"I love you too, Doctor. Goodnight."

* * *

It was Cosette's thirteenth birthday. She unwrapped her present from her fathers. "Oh, wow, a sonic screwdriver!" she exclaimed. "Thanks, Dad! Thanks, Father!" she said, hugging the Doctor and the Master in turn. "All I need is a TARDIS of my own and I'll be ready to travel the universe myself!"

The Doctor and the Master shared an uneasy look.

* * *

Cosette looked back at the two of them, with tears in her eyes. "I love you," she whispered to them.

"We love you too," they said, hiding their own tears.

Cosette choked back sobs, turned around and walked away. She didn't let herself look back until the TARDIS, her little blue house that was magical and bigger on the inside, was fading away.

Inside the TARDIS, the Doctor was crying, while the Master held him, trying not to cry himself.

* * *

That night, the Doctor lay in bed with his head on the Master's chest. "She's gone," he said.

"Yes," said the Master. "But it's not forever. We can see her again, someday."

"I know. But-"

"-it's not the same," the Master finished.

"Yeah," said the Doctor, sounding and feeling empty.

"Master?" he said after a moment.

"Yes, Doctor?"

"They all leave me. All of them. Except you. You're the only one that's ever stayed. I love you, Master."

"And I love you, Doctor." The Master pulled his husband in for a kiss. "And I will never, never leave you."


	32. Hydrophobia

**I watched this serial last night, and that line from Seven made me immediately think of the Master. It's weird. You'd think Koschei as the one who wouldn't be able to swim, wouldn't you?**

* * *

Title: "Hydrophobia"  
Starring: Seventh Doctor and Ace, Theta/Koschei, Five/Ainley  
Summary: A different take on a scene from "The Curse Of Fenric".

* * *

"I don't love her! She's my mum, and I don't love her! What's wrong with me? Why can't I stop hating her?" cried Ace, still upset over the whole Fenric incident.

"You loved the baby," the Doctor pointed out.

"But I didn't know she was my _mum_!" exclaimed Ace hysterically.

The Doctor stared out at the sea. "Love and hate," he said. "Frightening feelings...especially when they're trapped struggling beneath the surface..."

* * *

_Theta watched Koschei take off his shirt and dive into the swimming hole. "Come on, Thete!" his friend called. "The water feels great."_

_Gallifreyan summers, I think it's worth mentioning, are slightly more hotter than Earth summers, because of the double sun. Theta was sweaty, and wanted nothing more than to peel off his clothes and jump right in. There was just one problem._

"_I can't swim."_

_Theta would have never admitted this to anyone, except Koschei, of course. Him, the fearless Theta, with a fear of water, of all things?_

_Koschei looked up at Theta in surprise. "Don't frightened of the water," he said, holding his arms out. "Here. I'll catch you. Let me teach you how to swim."_

_So, with complete faith in his dear friend, Theta undressed down to his trunks and, stood at the dock's edge. He looked at the water fearfully._

"_I promise, Theta." Koschei smiled. "I'll always catch you."_

_Theta swallowed, and nodded. He shut his eyes, counted to three, and jumped._

_He opened his eyes. Koschei was holding him, smiling. "See? I told you I'd catch you."_

* * *

"_Jump, Doctor!" called the Master. They were running from Cybermen, but they had an advantage: Cybermen couldn't go in water._

_The silver soldiers approaching closer and closer, the Doctor looked down from the parapet at the swift moving current. The Master was standing in it just fine, but he, on the other hand..._

"_Come on!" cried the Master impatiently._

"_I...I..." The Doctor felt that childhood fear taking over. "I can't!"_

"_Yes, you can! Just jump! Don't be frightened of the water!"_

_The Doctor looked back at the Cyberman, then down at the Master, afraid._

_The Master's expression softened slightly. He held his arms. "Trust me, Doctor."_

_The Doctor's eyes widened. He swallowed, counted to three...and jumped-straight into the Master's waiting arms._

_The Doctor's blue eyes opened. The Master looked angry with himself. "I told I'd catch you," he muttered, avoiding the Doctor's gaze._

* * *

"Don't be frightened of the water," said the Doctor. Ace offered a small smile, took off her snood, and jumped in the waves, splashing madly as she did.


	33. The Moment Has Been Prepared For

_**Logopolis**_** makes me so sad and angry at the Master. For killing the Doctor, and for destroying everyone poor Nyssa cares about. That speech of hers breaks my heart, and it makes me go, "Why?! Why do you do these things, Master?" It's the one instance that I just can't forgive the Master, or excuse his actions. Usually, it's the Doctor that treats the Master unfairly, but not this time. That's why it's so hard to write Four/Ainley. There was so little interaction between them, and then the Master does this terrible thing. But at least he has the decency to look sorry, if only for a second.**

* * *

Title: "The Moment Has Been Prepared For"  
Starring: Fourth Doctor/Ainley!Master  
Summary: The Doctor is visited by a post-Logopolis Master, who wants to apologize.

* * *

The Doctor is standing his TARDIS, manning his console as always. It is an usually peaceful day in the life of this Time Lord. He has decided to give himself a break from the day to day conflicts he so regularly faces. His good friend and fellow Gallifreyan, Romana, and his trusty sidekick, K9, have recently left his company. The Doctor is deeply saddened by the loss of his friends, as he always is, and allowing himself to grieve properly. He very rarely has the opportunity to. He hadn't been able to mourn the departure of Sarah Jane, because of all the trouble on Gallifrey with the President and the Master.

On that note, the Doctor's thoughts turn to his old enemy, and even older friend. He almost could not bear to see the Master so withered, so deteriorated, and in what must have been so much pain. As much as he wishes for the Master to live, he dearly hopes, partially for the universe's sake, but mostly for his friend's, that he passes quickly, and without much more prolonging of his agony.

His new traveling companion, a young Alzarian called Adric, is currently somewhere in the depths of the TARDIS, exploring his new accommodations. The Doctor feels like he should have made some effort to insist that the boy immediately return to his own world, but, for some selfish reason, he cannot bear the thought of being alone right now. He'd been close with Romana, and will miss her dearly. The Doctor absently fiddles with his scarf, remember the time she'd worn his clothes. It had highly amused him, he remembers.

The Doctor hears the doors of the TARDIS open behind him. He turns around.

His intruder is a man in a black suit with a high collar. He has neat dark brown-almost black-hair, and a mustache and beard to match. He is at least a head shorter than the Doctor, if not more (but then, this Doctor is taller than most people), and he has rich brown eyes, albeit shadowed.

He is gazing at the Doctor intently, the corners of his eyes crinkled, like he's holding back tears. However, his jaw is set, as are his eyebrows, and the Doctor recognizes the expression of a man clearly in pain but trying not to let it show.

"How did you get in here?" asks the Doctor, slightly in shock.

"I came looking for you," answers the man enigmatically. He has a deep, quiet voice, soothing and personable. But there is something about that voice that is also strangely menacing.

"Do we…know each other?" inquires the Doctor curiously.

"Yes." The man continues to stare at him, masking deep sadness.

"Well, I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage, then," says the Doctor, putting his hands in the pockets of his thick red coat, feeling somewhat self-conscious under the other man's scrutiny. "You seem to be acquainted with me, but your name is unknown to me at the moment."

"You'll know me soon enough," says the man morosely. "I just came to tell you, in advance…I am truly sorry for what is to come to pass."

With these words, the man approaches the Doctor, putting one hand-even his hands are clad in black leather-on the small of his back, pulling the Doctor up against his person. Before the Doctor can react, can wriggle out of the stranger's embrace, can cry out in protest or alarm, can do anything, the man is bringing his head down with his other hand, his gloved fingers tangling in his thick brown curls, pulling his face in so that he can press his lips to the Doctor's in an unyielding kiss.

The Doctor would gasp, but his mouth is occupied as his intruder's lips move against his own, kissing him so passionately, but tenderly too. And the Doctor, despite his astonishment at the assault that came out of nowhere, finds himself kissing the man back. He doesn't know why, but it feels right.

There is something particular wanton about this kiss, a certain urgency. This man is kissing him the way a wife might kiss her husband just before he goes to war. And that's when the Doctor realizes it.

He's going to die. And in turn, he realizes who his assailant is.

Just as he reaches this revelation, the man breaks it off. "I'm so sorry, my dear," he whispers, and kisses the Doctor one more time before turning and leaving the way he came.

"Wait!" exclaims the Doctor. But the Master is already gone.


	34. RLA-The Five Reds

**Okay, enough sad, dark, depressing stuff. It's time for funny, cute, and happy! And no one does happy better than the Red Lady. A chapter so jive, we had to have five!...Can't believe I just typed that. Oh well. Enjoy!**

* * *

Title: "The Five Reds", _The Red Lady Adventures  
_Starring: Five/Ainley, mainly (ha, that rhymed), Doctors 1-4, Susan, the Brig, Sarah Jane, Romana, and, as the title would suggest, _five_ Red Ladies. Gotta love time travel.  
Summary: After the events of "The Voice Of Kamelion", the Doctor and the Master go on a date. But of course, their bliss is interrupted. (_The Five Doctors_)

* * *

The Doctor was immeasurably-and bizarrely-happy. After he and the Master had admitted their feelings to each other in 13th century England, they immediately took off in the Doctor's TARDIS for the Eye of Orion...to go on a date. Yes, a date. With the Master, of all people. And while the Doctor felt as though he should be fighting this feeling tooth and nail, being with the Master seemed strangely right. And _good_. And great, and elating, and fantastic, and...well, when the Doctor was perfectly honest with himself, he adored the Master. At least, the good parts about him: his wit, his caustic humor, his manic genius...and since he was being honest, he thought the Master's beard was rather fetching as well. He also had warm brown eyes, which had not been adapted from Tremas, whose eyes had been stony grey. Those eyes were completely the Master's, and the Doctor liked them very much.

Besides, he figured to himself that as long as the Master was sated with the prospect of a relationship with the Doctor, he might be distracted enough to stay out of trouble. And why not enjoy himself while he was at it?

Tegan and Turlough, on the other hand, had fervently disagreed, and claimed that if the Master was to remain with the Doctor, then they wanted to go home. So, the Doctor had said farewell to the pair, assuring them that there were "no hard feelings". It was then that he'd suggested to the Master a picnic on the Eye of Orion, which is where they were presently.

The Doctor was thinking all these things to himself as he and the Master lounged on a checkered blanket in the tall soft grass, the Doctor lying comfortably on his side, one knee bent, his head propped on his hand, leaning on his elbow. He was gazing at the faded blue sky, and just contemplating the novelty of the day's events. Only a few short hours ago, the Master had been his bitter adversary. Now, it seemed that he was going to be something of a boyfriend.

"Something funny?" the Master asked, who had been observing the Doctor's complacent smile for sometime.

The Doctor sighed. "No. Just...happy, that's all."

"Good to know," said the Master, feeding him a ripe red strawberry. "And is it terribly presumptuous to think that a small percentage of that happiness is due to me?"

"Oh, a great deal of it is due to you," said the Doctor, looking at him sweetly.

The Master smiled at this and dropped a light kiss on his lips. "I'm glad you're glad. I myself couldn't be more pleased. I didn't imagine, when I woke up this morning, that today would be the day I'd be receiving everything I've ever desired."

"Really?" The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "You mean to say that _I_ took precedence over conquering the universe? I'm shocked. No, truly, I am."

"Oh, my dear Doctor," chuckled the Master, pushing back a strand of his blonde hair. "Do you really not know why I wanted the universe?"

"It has been something of a quandary for me, I'll admit."

"Because if I had control of the universe..." The Master kissed him again. "I'd indirectly have control of you."

The Doctor smiled and kissed him back. "That is honestly one of the most disturbing comments that I've ever heard. And am I crazy for finding it also incredibly sweet?"

"Perhaps you're just attracted to my unconventionally sadistic way of thinking," the Master replied.

"Mm, you could be right," agreed the Doctor. "Either way, I'm flattered."

It seemed like they were about to initiate a serious snogging session, but suddenly, the Doctor clutched at his chest as if something had just stabbed him and gasped. "Doctor?" asked the Master, alarmed, putting a hand on his cheek in concern.

But the Doctor just shook his head and got to his feet. "Too much rich food. I think I should walk a bit."

But then, five minutes later, it happened again, and the Doctor nearly collapsed. Luckily the Master was there to catch him. "It's fading, it's all fading," the Doctor breathed into the Master's face. "Great chunks of my past, detaching themselves like melting particles-_ah_!" This time, he really did collapse, and the Master had to gently set him on the ground.

"You seem to be under some kind of psychic attack," the Master diagnosed.

"I am being diminished," said the Doctor, cornflower eyes wide with worry. "Whittled away, piece by piece...a man is the sum of his memories, you know."

"A Time Lord even more so," the Master added, carefully scooping the Doctor up into his arms. Despite him being taller, the Doctor was surprisingly light. Or maybe the Master was just surprisingly strong. "We must get you into the TARDIS," he said, taking off in the direction of the blue box.

"Ah!" the Doctor cried again, his head lolling back onto the Master's shoulder. "Have to find...to find..." he gasped.

"Find what? What is it, Doctor?"

"My other selves..."

* * *

The Red Lady had happily seen her babies off, and had taken the liberty of "borrowing" the Master's TARDIS, abandoned by the lovebirds in their new found bliss, and took off for the Time Vortex.

You may be wondering how the Red Lady knows how to fly a TARDIS. Well, that's another mystery about the Red Lady that will most likely never be solved.

The Red Lady hummed absently to herself as she milled around in the console room. She'd never tell the Doctor, but she sort of liked the black scheme of the Master's TARDIS. The Doctor's was wonderful of course, but with all that boring white, the Doctor's console room felt cold somehow. The Red Lady grinned sneakily as she thought to herself about all the times her babies were going to make out in this room.

Suddenly, she looked at the screen, which showed the Time Vortex in all its timey wimey glory. Usually it would be just an endless tunnel of constantly entwining streams of color, but at that moment, there was a vague shape free floating in the void.

The Red Lady studied the screen closer and gasped. "Oh," she said. "Of course."

She dashed to the console and opened the doors. Then she ran over and looked out, into the dizzying vortex.

There, lingering in the void, was a small gondola. A young woman in a straw hat with long blonde hair was sitting inside it, and standing in the boat beside her, was a tall man with brown curls and a ridiculously long, stripy scarf.

"Doctor!" cried Red.

The Fourth Doctor looked up in surprise, and despite the great danger he was in, he flashed her a toothy grin. "Red Lady! You _are_ a sight for sore eyes!"

"Good to see you too!" The Red Lady couldn't help but grin. As much as she adored and coddled her little Fivey, she deeply admired Four. He was mad and clever and the Red Lady strove to be just like him. Well, maybe a bit more sensitive. But who could argue with that scarf?!

"I say, could you possibly give us a lift?" asked Four.

"Of course, Doctor! Can you jump?"

The Doctor studied the gap between the boat and the TARDIS. "Mm, I rather think not. Here, I've got an idea." He unwound his iconic scarf from his neck and tied one end of it to the gondola, then tossed the other end to Red. "Okay, pull us in! But carefully. I love that scarf, you know."

"I know, I know." The Red Lady reigned in the small boat, stepping further back into the TARDIS and simultaneously winding the scarf around her neck, so it wouldn't drag the ground. The boat came sailing in, its belly sliding against the floor. _Hope that didn't leave a scuff mark_, Red thought. _The Master would flay me alive._

The Doctor climbed out of the gondola, and extended his hand to assist the blonde woman. "Romana, my dear."

"Thank you," she said, rising and stepping gracefully out of the boat. She turned to look at the Red Lady. "I'm afraid we've never met."

"No, but I know who you are. Romanadvoretrelundar, correct?" She smiled genially. "I am the Red Lady. Old friend of the Doctor here."

Romana accepted a handshake and raised an eyebrow at the single pulse. "She's an Earthling," she said in surprise.

"Yes, she's something of an enigma," replied Four.

"She has ears," the Red Lady said, but she was still smiling. "And she prefers 'human', if you don't mind."

"Sorry. Here, have a jellybaby," said the Doctor, and Red gladly took one. "It's serendipitous that you happened upon us when you did," he said. "We thought we'd be floating in that damn Vortex for eons. Incidentally, how did you happen to obtain a TARDIS?"

"I, ah, _borrowed_ it from a friend." Red knew that the Master's mind would be clouded right now, obliviously happy that he and the Doctor were finally a couple. He wouldn't be thinking about his TARDIS, and if he did wonder where it was, he could rest assured that it was in safe hands...fairly safe, anyway.

The Doctor, however, was looking around the console room curiously. "Seems familiar," he muttered.

"Er, never mind that, Doctor," said the Red Lady quickly, moving over to the console. "We have places to be. Your other selves are in trouble."

"Knowing them, they won't be able to manage without me," said the Doctor, joining her. "Where are we headed?"

"Gallifrey. The Tomb of Rassilon."

The Doctor unwrapped a coil or two of his scarf from the Red Lady's neck and placed it around his. "Well then," he grinned, punching in the coordinates. "Let's be off!"

* * *

When Red, Four, and Romana materialized in the Tomb, the joint was already jumping. Doctors One through Three were there, as was Five and the Master, along with Susan Foreman, Brigadier Alistair Lethbridge-Stewart, and Sarah Jane Smith. And the scoundrel, Lord High President Borusa was there too. But the Red Lady had a great surprise awaiting her.

"Oh no," said a familiar American accent, as the threesome exited the Master's TARDIS. "Not another one!"

"This was to be expected," said an identical voice. "After all, dearie, it is _us_."

"Strange though, isn't it?" asked a third voice that sounded the same as the first two.

"I'm not even really one of you, and I have to say-this is pretty damn weird!" agreed a fourth alike voice.

The Red Lady stared in amazement. Standing alongside the Brigadier was an exact copy of herself. Another Red Lady stood beside Sarah Jane. Still another was standing sort of off to the side, near the First Doctor, and the last was next to the Master, who was strangely nursing a head wound.

"Lethbridge-Stewart took me for a threat," grumbled the Master, seeing the Red Lady's bemused expression. He cast a surly look at the soldier.

"I said I was sorry!" said the Brigadier, looking miffed. "Besides, can you blame me, considering your track record? I still don't really trust you, no matter what the Doctor says."

"And is that _my_ TARDIS?" demanded the Master, nodding to the one that Red, Four, and Romana had just come from.

"Um, more importantly...why are there _five_ of me?!" the Red Lady sputtered.

"Well, I was taking a walk with the Doctor-er, the original, that is," said Red-One, "when this tornado swept us up and deposited us here! Then we met up with Susan, and...well, it's a long story."

"Very long," agreed Red-Two. "I merely stopped by UNIT headquarters to wish the Brig a happy retirement, when the Second Doctor showed up, and the three of us got caught up a time storm."

"Us too," said Red-Three, nodding to the Third Doctor. "We were out for a drive in Bessie, and wound up here."

The Red Lady (the one who'd come here with Four and Romana) looked expectantly at the last version of herself. "Well? What's your story?"

"My story is that I'm _not_ the Red Lady," she shot back. "I'm Kamelion, and neither of the lovebirds here bothered to change me from this form after 'King John'. Will one of you psychics please do something about that so at least _some_ of this confusion can be cleared up?"

"Certainly," said the Master, for he was the one nearest her. He stared at her for a moment, and Kamelion's form shifted-to that of the Fifth Doctor.

"Oh, _really_?!" Kamelion spat, looking down disgustedly at his stripy trousers, cricket sweater, and beige camel coat, complete with celery stalk. "Can't you keep your mind on the matter at hand, man? Never mind, just change me back."

The Master obliged, and there were five Red Ladies in the room once more.

"Hold a moment," said the Third Doctor, looking from Kamelion to the Master to Five. "'Lovebirds'? 'Keep your mind on the matter at hand'? What the devil is going on here, old chap?"

"I told you," said Five uncomfortably. "The Master and I made an...alliance."

"An alliance? An alliance?" Three's eyebrows shot up in shock. "Oh no. You don't mean to tell me that you and the Master-"

"Eloped?" said the Red Lady. "Yes, they did."

"We didn't elope," Five corrected. "We agreed to give the idea of a relationship a chance. It isn't as if we're married."

"Not yet," muttered all five Reds in the room, and-strangely enough-the Master as well. Fivey blushed at this, but looked nonetheless pleased.

"Oh, Koschei!" said the First Doctor, looked delighted for the first time since entering the Death Zone (quite a change for the old grump). Two looked fairly happy as well.

"Oh, for Pete's sake," hissed the Third Doctor.

"I agree," said the Brigadier, rolling his eyes. "Not that the mutual attraction wasn't completely obvious, but, I mean, _really_-"

"I beg your pardon, old chap? 'Mutual attraction'?!"

"Er, as fun as all this pairing talk is for me," said the Red Lady. "Now that all the Doctors are here...well, Doctors 1-5, anyway...don't we have a villain to vanquish?"

"Quite right, friend," agreed Red-Two.

"You see, Borusa?" said the Fifth Doctor, taking a daring step forward. Meanwhile, the Fourth Doctor stepped over to join the lineup of his other selves. "Together, we're a match for you."

"Perhaps," said the President coldly. "But you will never overcome me."

"We don't need to. Soon, Chancellor Flavia will be here with her guards, or can you overcome the whole High Council?" Five challenged.

"Why not? I am Lord President of Gallifrey and you," said Borusa, staring down the Doctors, the Master, and the Red Ladies, "are the notorious renegades. We shall see who is believed."

"I'm not a renegade," said the Red Lady. "I'm not even a Time Lord. I am the Red Lady. I am beyond the laws of time and space."

"What nonsense do you speak, child?" inquired Borusa.

"_This is the Game of Rassilon,"_ rang out a booming voice.

* * *

With the threat of Borusa out of the way, and the Game of Rassilon lost (but really won), it was time for all of them to go their separate ways. "Just as I was getting to know me," said Fivey, sounding a bit wistful.

"So, you're the latest model, hmm?" asked Two.

"Yes, and the most agreeable." Fivey raised his chin smugly.

"Ooh, Fivey's gettin' an attitude," the Red Lady muttered to the Master, giggling.

"Mm, so it seems," sighed the Master.

"Oh, I bet you think it's sexy," leered the Red Lady.

The Master's cheeks colored, but he didn't deny anything.

"Certainly the most impudent," Two was saying.

"And our dress sense hasn't improved much, has it?" added Three.

"Neither have our manners," scolded the original Doctor teasingly. He shook hands with the blonde version of himself. "Well, goodbye, my boy. You did quite well, quite well. It's reassuring to know that my future is in safe hands. Come along, Susan. Oh, and..." He winked at the Master. "See you soon, Koschei."

Again, the Master blushed, and smacked his face with his gloved palm.

Fivey accepted a hug from his granddaughter, and the First Doctor, Susan, and Red-One climbed into the TARDIS, followed by Two, Red-Two, and the Brigadier, after some obligatory needling back and forth between Two and Three. "Splendid fellows," said the Brig, as he was leaving. "All of you." He turned to the Red Lady and added, "Stay out of trouble."

"Never, Alistair," she said, hugging him.

"Well, goodbye, my dear chap," said Three, shaking Five's hand. "I must say, I've had the time of my lives. Though I will admit," he added, nodding to the Master, "I'm not so sure I approve of your-I mean, _our_ decisions in the romantic department."

"You do have a poor opinion of me, don't you?" said the Master.

"You've noticed. Well, well, well."

"You might try giving the old man a break," said Fivey, lacing fingers with the Master's. "He's quite pleasant, when he's been domesticated."

"When I've been _what_?" demanded the Master.

"Only a joke," chuckled Fivey warmly. "Braveheart, Master."

The Master harrumphed. "You're lucky I'm so fond of this form, Doctor, or I might just be tempted to force you into your next regeneration."

"Oh, you like this form, eh?" Fivey raised a playful eyebrow. "Thanks for the information, dearest, I'll be sure to use it against you at the nearest convenience."

The Third Doctor shuddered. "I am seriously becoming nauseated at this whole conversation. I must be having a midlife crisis, to pursue a relationship with this...jackanapes. Come along, Sarah Jane, Red Lady."

"Yes, Doctor," said Sarah, somewhat dazedly. "Goodbye," she said to the others. "Er, yes, it was really nice meeting you."

Red-Three shook hands with her other self. "I simply can't believe it. We finally got them together. How did we do it?"

"_King's Demons_, the Kamelion scene," said the Red Lady, looking satisfied.

"_King's Demons_!" exclaimed Red-Three. "Excellent! Well, I'm certainly looking forward to that."

"It'll be just about the fluffiest thing you'll ever write," chortled Red. "Well, almost."

The Third Doctor was really looking impatient now, so Red-Three quickly hugged the Master and Fivey goodbye, and then she, Three, and Sarah Jane were gone too.

"Red Lady," laughed Four, picking her up in a tight hug. "I cannot tell you how happy this whole venture has made me. I wouldn't have missed it for the world."

"You almost did, dearie." The Red Lady grinned. "I'm certainly glad you didn't have to."

Another hug, a few more handshakes, and the Fourth Doctor and Romana were off.

"I'm definitely not the man I was, thank goodness," said the Fifth Doctor, after all the rest had gone. It was just him, the Master, the Red Lady, and Kamelion left.

"Oh, don't be like that, Doctor. I rather enjoyed your first and second, and Three and Four were just wonderful," said the Red Lady. "And just wait for your future selves!"

The Doctor chuckled and fondly tousled her red hair. "My little enigma. You'll never cease to pop up in my existence, will you?"

"I intend to bother you until this fragile human life wears out," claimed the Red Lady proudly.

"I hope you do. Now," he said, turning to the Master, smiling mischievously at the man. "I do believe we were, er, _in the middle_ of something?"

"Actually, my dear Doctor, I seem to recall that it had just barely begun," the Master smirked back.

"Ooh, can I watch?" said the Red Lady hopefully.

"_No_," said both Time Lords in tandem.

"Hey," said the Red Lady, placing one hand on her hip. "I made you two. I can _break_ you two."

"Probably," said the Doctor. "But you won't."

"You believe in us far too much," added the Master.

The Red Lady sighed. "I'm beginning to think I should have never set you two up in the first place. It's coming back to bite me in the arse."

"Hey, you don't have to live with them," grumbled Kamelion.

At that moment, Flavia and her posse entered the Tomb. She snapped her fingers experimentally in front of the Doctor's face, then smiled (or came as close to smiling as a traditional Time Lord can). "You are safe, Doctor. I feared President Borusa had-where is President Borusa?"

"Unavailable," replied the Doctor. "It seems the legend about Rassilon is true."

"You must make a full statement to the High Council," said Flavia.

"Oh, must I?" said the Doctor, almost whining.

"It can form part of your inaugural address," she said.

The Doctor's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "My _what_?"

"Doctor, you have evaded your responsibilities for far too long," said Flavia. "The disqualification of President Borusa leaves a gap at the very summit of the Time Lord hierarchy. There is only one who can take this place. Yet again, it is my duty and my pleasure to inform you that the full Council has exercised its emergency powers to appoint you to the position of President, to take office immediately."

"Oh, no," groaned the Doctor.

"And the Master will, of course, be taken into custody immediately," Flavia added.

"What?!"

"Well, he _is_ a wanted criminal on our world. You ought to know that better than anyone."

"Ah, hm, er, now listen, Chancellor-" the Doctor began to protest.

"This is a summons no Time Lord dare refuse," Flavia lightly threatened. "To disobey the will of the High Council will attract the severest penalties."

The Doctor swallowed, and with the face of the eternally put upon, said, "Very well, Chancellor Flavia. You will return to Gallifrey immediately and summon the High Council. You have full deputy powers until I return. I shall travel in my TARDIS. And of course, bring this-" (he gestured to the Master) "-loathsome rebel with me. He can only be trusted under my watch."

"Oh, but Doctor-" Flavia began to protest.

"You will address me by my proper title," said the Doctor, drawing himself up to his proper height. "I am President, am I not? You will obey my commands." He grabbed the Master's arm roughly, and said, "Come along, you foul renegade. My first act as President will be to see you properly punished for your vile deeds." As he pulled the Master into the TARDIS with him, Kamelion following suit, the Doctor called to Flavia's guards, "You will escort Chancellor Flavia back to her duties." Then he hurriedly shut the door behind him.

"Quick!" The Doctor hissed. He and the Master quickly hit the buttons on the console, making them dematerialize and escape back to the safety of the Time Vortex as fast as possible.

"I take it then, that you are officially resigning from office then?" asked the Master, once they were safely far away from Gallifrey.

"You know sometimes, Master, you take my breath away."

"Oh, I intend to do just that." The Master crept closer to the Doctor, leering. "Now...what was that you were saying about properly punishing me?"

"Oh yes, that." A smirk crawled across the Doctor's face. "You've been a bad boy, Master. A very bad boy, indeed."

"Have I?" The Master raised an eyebrow. "Do you intend to _spank_ me, my Lord President?"

"Yes, I think I do."

"Not if I spank you first." The Master gave chase to the Doctor, all the way back to their bedroom.

"Oh, _barf_," groaned Kamelion, leaning on the console. She _still_ looked like the Red Lad, by the way.

* * *

Flavia stood next to Red, staring intently at the place the TARDIS had just been sitting. "He's not coming back, is he?"

"Nope," said the Red Lady, accentuating the P. She smiled, shrugged, and bowed to the Chancellor. "Your Excellency."


	35. Five Reds-Bonus Scenes

The Third Doctor and the Red Lady were speeding down the road in the yellow roadster. "Come on, Bessie! Faster!" cried the Red Lady. But she was having fun, despite the fact that they were being chased by a time storm.

If the Doctor hadn't been so busy driving, he might have noticed a girl with brown hair standing on the side of the road. "Doctor!" she cried as they whizzed by, but he took no notice.

The Red Lady did though. She turned around in her seat, and waved gaily. "Hello, Clara!" she called.

Clara Oswald was startled. The Doctor, no matter how hard she tried, never ever heard her when she tried to get his attention. But apparently this squat ginger girl knew who she was. Who was she?

* * *

At some point, the Red Lady wandered over to the Master. "So," she said.

"So..." said the Master, raising his eyebrows.

"So...five Doctors. In one room."

"Yes?"

She smiled at him evilly. "I bet I know what you're thinking right now."

"I most certainly am not...well, I am now, thank you," the Master fumed.

* * *

Once the Third Doctor had returned, the first thing he did was seek out the Master's TARDIS from his own timeline. It was surprisingly easy to seek it out.

"Doctor?" asked the Master, turning around in surprise, as his enemy simply let himself into his TARDIS. He hadn't been expecting intruders. Unfortunately, his TCE was in another room. He cursed himself silently.

"Ah, yes, hello." The Doctor awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "How are you, old chap?"

"Fine." The Master lifted an eyebrow. "Did you just decide to drop in for a chat?"

"What? Oh, no, I-well...I wanted to ask you something."

The Master waited expectantly. "Yes?"

"Well, I was wondering..." The Doctor nervously smoothed down the front of his velvet jacket. "I was wondering if perhaps you'd like to have dinner with me."

The Master was at a loss for words.

"It doesn't have to be here," said the Doctor quickly. "We could go to any number of places in your TARDIS...but if you don't want to..."

"No!" said the Master hastily, as the Doctor turned to leave. "Er, no, Doctor. Dinner actually sounds quite nice. Provided, of course, you're footing the bill?"

The Doctor rolled his eyes, but smiled. "Any particular place in mind?" he asked.

The Master pondered this for a moment, then turned to the console and started entering coordinates. "Yes. There's a rather charming restaurant on Tefla Magistrate. We could go there, if you like."

"Sounds good to me, old chap," said the Doctor, approaching the console, standing by the Master, but not close.

Just two old friends (so to speak), having dinner. That's all.

"Thank you," said the Master, suddenly looking up at the Doctor, smiling shyly.

The Doctor cleared his throat. "No," he said. "Thank you."


	36. Destiny Of The Master

**Here it is, the non-canonical finale of the Ainley!Master, from the 1997 video game, **_**Destiny Of The Doctors**_**. According to **_**Who**_** lore, this game takes place sometime before the movie. The ending of the game could be taken as a segway into the opening of the movie, where the Master is being executed. Anyway, it's an interesting enough idea.**

* * *

Title: "Destiny Of The Master"  
Starring: Ainley!Master, Doctors 1-8  
Summary: After the Doctors have escaped the Matrix, their old nemesis is imprisoned by the Daleks and begs for their help.

* * *

"Doctor," says the Master, gripping the bars of his cell in his gloved hands. "I implore you. It's time for a truce, let's make a pact; they have me, but it was only a game, an intellectual challenge; I played fair, I never tampered with the rules!" He looks extremely sorrowful, a foreign expression for the Master.

The Doctors, all seven of them, stand there, all trying to remain impassive, while internally, their consciences struggle with their hearts.

The Master looks at them with pitiful brown eyes. "For old time's sake…release me, Doctor. You know what these monsters will do to me." His voice drops to a desperate whisper. "Release me!"

The Doctors begin to turn away, the Master shouting after them, begging for their help, their mercy. Each one of them wants to turn back and release their old friend. But they can't.

The First Doctor-the original-probably has it the worst. He has not yet witnessed the Master's evil, and only sees his old friend Koschei, in trouble, needing his help. In turn, he is also shocked and repulsed by this sinister, pathetic creature his first love has morphed into. His hearts are heavy, and his mind is burdened with the prospect of centuries of warring back and forth with the Master.

The Second Doctor is horribly disheartened. So much so that he can't even muster a weak joke or pester his successor, the way he normally does. He has heard tales of the Master's terrible acts, but had prayed in his hearts that they were merely fabrications. No, he'd told himself. Not Koschei. But now he sees the truth, and does not look forward to his future.

The Third Doctor puts up a front. He acts as though the Master's impending execution does not affect him, and that if a quick extermination is the penalty for that exasperating jackanapes, it's kinder than he deserves. He is a large mass of velvet and righteous anger. But deep down inside, he feels a twinge of regret.

The Fourth Doctor too, feels regretful, but hastily suppresses the urge, burying it under his normal persona of unemotional indifference. Sherlock Holmes, that's who he is. An entity of logic and reason. He cannot afford feelings, especially for the man who he considers his Moriarty (albeit, was once his Watson).

The Fifth Doctor, who usually comes off as calm, politely disconnected, and ever disdainful of the Master, is having more trouble keeping his emotions under wraps than his other selves. This is the Master who he knows, has battled with, and to see him behind bars like this, like an animal in a kennel about to euthanized, makes him want to burst into tears, to rush back and rip the metal bars off with his bare hands (if such a thing were possible), to catch the Master in a vice-like embrace, and whisper forgiveness and apologies in his ear. As much as he tries to deny it, as much as the Master doesn't deserve it, this is one of the Doctors who cares about him the most.

The Sixth Doctor is disgusted with himself, as a pit of guilt forms in his stomach. The Master had rescued him from his evil self, and he feels gratitude toward him, whether or not the Master's assistance had been because of him or not. He too feels as though he should help the Master, return the favor. But he shakes his head and forces that remorse to go away.

And then there was the Seventh Doctor. The man of cunning, the man of shrewdness, the man who could be heartless when he wanted to be. He pities the Master, but like his fourth self, his icy nature allows him to move on. The Seventh Doctor ignores his primal tendency to love the Master, and tells himself that this is all for the best.

The Doctors leave, saddened, conflicted, defeated, and otherwise. The Master watches their retreating backs, and feels his own heart sink.

* * *

He sits in his cell, wallowing in self pity for sometime. It must have been at least a day, when he hears footsteps approaching.

He stands, readying himself for an attack. It's not a Dalek, he tells himself, but it may be a Cyberman or a Silurian.

But it's neither. It's a man. He takes a device-a sonic screwdriver-out of his pocket and scans the lock with it. The door immediately opens, and the man offers his hand to the Master. "Come with me," he says.

The Master swallows and cautiously takes the man's hand.

"We must hurry," said the man, breaking into a run and pulling him along. The Master finds it hard to keep up with him, due to his long Gallifreyan ceremonial robes. "They're sure to discover you've escaped any minute." His hand is still grasping the Master's.

He is short. He has long, luxurious auburn curls, light blue eyes, and wears Victorian-esque clothes. He turns to gaze at the Master, and he finds that he has a very fetching smile.

"Come along, love," says the man, leading the Master to a familiar blue box. "In here."

He opens the door and goes inside. The Master does not immediately follow, but stands there a moment, in awe.

The Doctor. He saved him after all.

The Master wants to cry, to laugh, but at the moment, cannot breathe. His revelry is disjointed by the cry of "_Exterminate_!" coming from down the corridor, and he rushes inside the TARDIS.

The Eighth Doctor smiles charmingly at the Master, catching his hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it. "Welcome home, love."


	37. Whipped Cream Memories

Title: "Whipped Cream Memories" (Drabble)  
Starring: Eleven/Fem!Master  
Summary: The Mistress takes a trip down Memory Lane by making use of Reddi Whip.

* * *

The Doctor drenched his sundae in chocolate sauce. He reached for the whipped cream, but found it missing. "Master!" he called. "What did you do with the Reddi Whip?!"

The Mistress came swooping in, armed with the aerosol can. "I am the Master," she said, smiling mischievously. "You will obey me."

The Doctor burst out laughing. The Mistress had made herself a white, creamy mustache and goatee.

"What do you think?" asked the Mistress. "Do you like it, or should I shave?"

"I've got a better idea." The Doctor smirked and proceeded to lick the sweet cream off her face.


	38. The Master Of The Opera

**I'm a sucker for a good Eight story. This was originally going to be Five and Ainley, but I figured I do them waaaaaaay too often. And besides, Five was a sportsman. Eight was the musician. Just so we're clear: Eight=Christine; Master=Phantom; and Lucie=Meg. (Fun fact: "Carlotta" was Seven! XD )**

* * *

Title: "Master Of The Opera"  
Starring: Eight/Roberts!Master, Lucie  
Summary: A _Phantom Of The Opera_ AU. Because it had to happen eventually.

* * *

Once upon a time, in a beautiful opera house in San Francisco, there was a handsome chorus singer named John Smith. Well, that was his adoptive name anyway. The chorus singer was an orphan, and he was not from America. He wasn't even from Earth.

You see, John Smith was actually a Time Lord. When he was very young, his home world, Gallifrey, was destroyed, and his parents sent him to live on Earth. He was taken in by the opera house, and raised there on a steady diet of music and theatre. He grew up kind, clever, and rather attractive too. He proved to be a wonderful actor and dancer, and even dabbled at the violin. But what no one knew was that John was also a beautiful singer.

It wasn't until he understudied for the leading man in _Madame Butterfly_ that his great talent was discovered. The night he sang, there was not a dry eye in the house.

After the performance, John sat in the small sanctuary in the basement, and lit a candle for his lost planet. As he sat there, meditating, he heard a sweetly hypnotic voice sing softly, "_Bravo, bravo, bravissimo..._"

John's skin prickled, and the hair on the back of his neck stood up.

"John?" called a voice, and his good friend Lucie came in the room. "Well there you are," she said, smiling as she knelt beside him. "Where have you been?"

"Right here, Lucie, the whole time," replied John.

"Well, I just wanted to say, you did really super tonight," said Lucie.

John smiled bashfully. "Thank you."

"I wish I could sing like that," Lucie continued. "What's your secret? Do you have a tutor?"

"Not exactly, no."

"Then what?"

"Lucie," John whispered. "When I was brought here to live...whenever I would come down here alone, to light a candle for Gallifrey...a voice, from above...and in my dreams..._he_ was always there. You see, when I was very small, and my parents were sending me away...they told me I'd be protected...by an angel."

Lucie was staring at him, eyes wide.

"An angel of music," John concluded.

"John," said Lucie slowly. "Do you believe...do you think this angel is coaching you?"

"Who else?" said John softly, smiling. "_I once heard tell of an Angel. I used to dream he'd appear. Now as I sing, I can sense him, and I know he's here. Here in this room, he calls me softly, somewhere inside, hiding. Somehow I know, he's always with me. He, the unseen genius._"

Lucie said, "_Johnny, you must have been dreaming. Stories like this can't come true. Johnny, you're talking in riddles, and it's not like you._"

"_Angel of music, guide and guardian, grant to me your glory_," sang John, as Lucie led him out of the monastery. "_Angel of music, hide no longer. Secret and strange angel._"

"He's with me," whispered John faintly. "Even now."

"Your hands are cold," announced Lucie.

"Around-"

"Your face, John, it's white!"

He turned to stare her, eyes wide. "It frightens me," he whispered.

* * *

Later, when he was alone, and changing in his dressing room, John again heard the deep, seductive voice. "_John...come to me..._"

John turned, trying to locate the source of the voice. "_Angel, I hear you, speak, I listen. Stay by my side, guide me._"

"_Flattering child, you shall know me. See why in shadow I hide. Look at your face in the mirror. I am there inside._"

John gazed upon the mirror. Past his own reflection, he saw the vague shape of a tall man dressed all in black, right down to his sunglasses. From John could see of his face, he was quite attractive.

"_Angel of music, guide and guardian, grant to me your glory,_" John cried to the image._ "Angel of music, hide no longer. Come to me, strange Angel._"

The mirror slid open, to reveal a hidden corridor. And there stood his Angel, offering his black leather clad hand. "_I am your Angel of Music...come to the Angel of Music..._"

John took the man's hand, and followed him into the dark.

The Angel led him to an underground lake. The whole room was dark, but illuminated with the warm glow of a thousand candles.

"Who are you?" asked John.

The Angel took off a glove. "I am the Master of the Opera." He reached out and stroked John's soft cheek with his bare hand.

John stepped back, not because he didn't like the touch, he did, but in surprise. He took the man's hand. "You have two pulses," he said. "You're a Time Lord. Like me."

"Yes, I am."

John stepped toward him, invading his intimate space. He cautiously reached up and touched the Master's face with his fingertips, then, without warning, removed the Master's dark glasses.

The Master hissed and pulled back, shoving John to the ground. "_Damn you!_" he cried. "_You little prying Pandora!_" He glared at John with frightening, feline, acid green eyes. "_You little demon! This is what you wanted to see! Curse you! You little lying Delilah! You little viper! Now you cannot ever be free!_"

He stomped away and sat down on the ground, dejected. "_Damn you...curse you..._"

John hesitantly got to his hands and knees and crawled over to the Master, who sat, sobbing out of his strange, cat like eyes. "Oh, John," the Master whispered mournfully.

"What..." John slowly reached out and touched the Master's hand. "What happened to you?"

"I was a victim of a virus from the cheetah planet. I managed to cure myself, but it left me scarred. Now, I must hide these wretched eyes here, in the darkness." He still would not look at John. "_Fear can turn to love. You learn to see, to find the man behind the monster, this...repulsive mutant, who seems a beast, but secretly dreams of beauty, secretly, secretly..._oh, John," he moaned again.

John felt his hearts break for the man, and shakily handed him back his glasses.

"Thank you," the Master whispered, and placed them on his face.

John lovingly cradled his face. The Master looked at him, surprised.

"You _are_ beautiful," John said, smiling kindly, and gently kissed him.


	39. RLA-Two Wrongs, Two Rights

**Extremely sad fic coming up. Feels ahoy. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.**

* * *

Title: "Two Wrongs, Two Rights" (_The Red Lady Adventures_)  
Starring: Fourth Doctor, Fifth Doctor, Tenth Doctor, Ainley!Master, Simm!Master, Cumberbatch!Master, various companions, and the Red Lady.  
Summary: The Red Lady has been there for it all. The good, and the bad. (Scenes from _Logopolis_, _Planet Of Fire_, and _The End Of Time_)

* * *

Two wrongs don't make a right.

The Red Lady has watched her babies fight across the cosmos like cats and dogs. It's usually all in good fun. The Doctor and the Master practically get off on bickering with each other, trying to outsmart each other. Of course, the Doctor usually wins, but it's alright, because the Master is usually given the consolation of make-up sex. So, in a way, everyone wins. The universe remains well off, and more importantly, the Doctor and the Master can be together, in their twisted game of love and loathing.

But as much as the Red Lady loves the good times, there have been bad times too.

The Red Lady stands on the ground with Tegan, Nyssa, and Adric, and watches solemnly as the Fourth Doctor dangles from the tower. She should be excited, because she knows her baby, Fivey, is coming, but she is also terribly grieved, because Four, a Doctor she loves and respects like a father, is approaching his end.

Then the Doctor lets go and falls a hundred or so feet, scarf tails flailing and jelly babies flying every which way. He hits the ground with a thud.

Tegan screams, Nyssa gasps loudly, Adric cries out, "Doctor!", and the Red Lady rushes to his side, taking his hand and squeezing it. "Doctor," she squeaks, tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes. "I'm so sorry. Don't be afraid."

"I'm not," he whispers, trying to form one of his iconic, toothy, mad grins. He is being brave. He's seen the Watcher, he's known that this was going to happen. But the fact that it was the _Master_ who killed him, well…that hurts. Deeply.

The Doctor's three young companions scurry over, worried and scared, but they dare not touch him.

The Doctor looks up at them, his wide, insane eyes unusually tranquil. He smiles reassuringly at them. "It's the end," he says softly. "But the moment has been prepared for."

Then the Watcher appears, and melds with the dying man. "He was the Doctor the whole time!" exclaims Adric.

"Yes," says the Red Lady, still weeping. She feels the skin in her hand turn from calloused and slightly used, to gritty, dry, and flaky, and then soft and smooth. She looks into the new blue eyes that belong to her beloved Fifth Doctor. He is smiling up at her, blankly.

"Hello," she says, trembling.

Fivey immediately sits up and hugs her tightly. He's unsure who this girl is, or why she's crying, but he has a feeling it's because of him. Besides, she seems nice, and he knows he doesn't like to see people cry…whoever he is.

As the new Doctor hugs her, patting her back, telling her it's alright, even though he has no idea what's wrong, the Red Lady looks up at the tower, where the Master stands overlooking the scene. All she can see from down here on the ground is a vague black figure, but she knows he's there, watching. She glares up at him, angry tears glinting off of her cheeks. Of all the despicable things the Master does, or tries to do, this is the one instance she can't excuse him.

_You killed him_, she thinks, and she knows he can hear her. _This is Theta, __your__ Theta, __our__ Theta, and you killed him_.

Above, the black figure quickly turns away and disappears inside the tower control room, to run away in his TARDIS.

The Red Lady buries her face in the thick burgundy wool of her dead friend's coat and sobs some more. No, the Doctor isn't truly dead; he's right here, still holding her, consoling her. But the Master still killed him.

The Red Lady accompanies the new Doctor to Castrovalva, which she knows full well is really a construct, a trap, made by the Master. But she also knows that it is his feeble, warped way of apologizing.

But there is blame on both sides. The Red Lady is there with them on Sarn, and witnesses the Doctor simply stand there and watch the Master burn alive. The Master threatens him, bribes him, and then pleads with him for help. "Won't you show mercy to your own…" And then the Master speaks no more, but shrieks in agony, and disappears.

The Doctor is silent with shock, staring into the flames, almost not absorbing what he's done. He hasn't killed the Master, but he didn't anything to save him, and that's just as bad. He turns at the sound of the Red Lady's weeping, which is, incidentally, the first noise he heard in this body.

She stares at him, wide eyed, tears streaming down her face. "Why?" she says, and takes in a staggered breath. She knows that the Master isn't really dead, and will be back when the Sixth Doctor and Peri encounter the Rani, but she's still upset. "That didn't have to happen. You could have turned off the fire. There should have been another way!" Her face contorts to an expression of something like anger, but not quite. Frustration, perhaps? But extreme sadness and disbelief still have room. "_Why do you two do this to each other?_" she wails, and the room begins to crumble around them.

The Doctor ushers her into the TARDIS, and the Red Lady, sobbing, rushes past a confused Peri, and into some unknown room, which the TARDIS helpfully hides from the Doctor.

"What's wrong with her, Doctor?" asks Peri, as the Doctor comes back from a fruitless search for his distraught little friend.

"Oh, well…the Master and her…they were friends, of sorts," said the Doctor, absently fingering a button on his console.

"Oh," says Peri. "Strange. I can't imagine the Master having any friends."

"Oh, yes," says the Doctor. "As a matter of fact, the Master and I used to be friends…a very long time ago…" The Doctor stares off into the distance, remembering a long lost time, when he was Theta, the Master was Koschei, and their relationship was pure and beautiful. Who could have known their dark future at that time?

"Oh…" says Peri again, slowly nodding. "Are _you_ okay?" she asks tentatively.

The Doctor is shaken from his flashback, and says, "Er, yes, of course…I'm alright."

But he's lying.

The Red Lady isn't on the TARDIS when the Doctor and Peri arrive on Androzani Minor. She's just not ready to say goodbye to her dear Fivey just yet. She may never be.

Yes, there were times when the Doctor and the Master didn't treat each other right. The Red Lady despised those times. But she loved the times when they did.

"Get out of the way," they say to each other. The Doctor says it so he can shoot the whitepoint star and send Gallifrey back to where it belongs. He does what the Red Lady told him to do-he doesn't kill the Master. He finds another way.

And the Master tells him, "Get out of the way," when he sacrifices himself to save the Doctor from the evil Rassilon, thirsty for the Doctor's blood for foiling his plans. He assaults the President with bursts of energy from his hands, and ends up back in the Time War he tried so hard to escape. He does it for the Doctor. His Theta.

And the Red Lady is there to see come them together and reconcile their broken ties, even if only a little. This shining moment in their tangled, knotted history is the Red Lady's favorite of all.

She stays with the Doctor as he gives his own life to rescue Wilfred Mott, and he says goodbye to his friends one last time. She's with him as the Ood sing him to sleep, as he utters his final words ("I don't want to go"), and as he regenerates into a new man once again, into the zany, kooky, bow tie-loving Eleventh Doctor. And because she _is_ the Red Lady, the real Impossible Girl (Because Clara Oswald's random appearances in the Doctor's timeline at least have an explanation. The Red Lady is just…an absolute enigma.), she's with the Master too, on a war torn planet, with explosions to her right and Daleks screaming "_Exterminate!_" on her left.

He's on the ground, looking around fearfully. He's dying, and he's back on a planet in the center of a dispute he so desperately feared.

The Red Lady, the calm eye in the middle of a raging war storm, bends down and takes his hand, as she did with the Fourth Doctor, and every other Doctor too. "Don't be afraid," she says.

The Master looks at her, and his skin flashes blue momentarily, like an x-ray exposing his skeleton.

"Believe it or not, this war is over," the Red Lady says, giving away huge spoilers. Wouldn't River Song be proud? "You're safe. The Doctors saved Gallifrey."

The Master gives a grim laugh. "That sounds impossible. But then again, so is he."

"And that's why you love him."

"Yes," said the Master, somewhat ashamedly. "I do."

"And he loves you too, idiot," says the Red Lady fondly. "So regenerate already so that you can get back to him. I know you've been putting it off."

"I…I'm scared," he says.

"I know," says the Red Lady. "But you're my baby, and you won't be alone. Go on, Koschei. Do it."

The Master's body explodes with purple-white regeneration energy (The Red Lady finds it interesting that his and the Doctor's colors are different, because when the Doctor regenerates, his energy is golden orange.), and there is a new man in place of the old. He is tall and slender, with high cheekbones and a mass of red curls on his head.

The Red Lady smiles and offers her hand to the new Master to help him off the ground. "Come on. Let's find you something to wear besides that awful hoodie." As they are walking away, she exclaims, "Ooh, the Doctor's going to be so jealous of that hair!"


	40. Perception Deception

**Saw this scene with Tash and Cap in **_**Captain America: Winter Soldier**_** and you know exactly where my mind leapt.**

* * *

Title: "Perception Deception"  
Starring: Three/Delgado!Master  
Summary: The Master knows how to hide in plain sight.

* * *

"This way!" The Doctor followed the other Time Lord down a corridor. They were being pursued by a fleet of Gorgons. UNIT had sent in the Doctor to investigate the Master's latest scheme, but due to happenstance beyond the Doctor's control, they were now being forced to work together temporarily. As usual, the Master had summoned some extraterrestrial nasties he couldn't control, and now they were out to kill both men and probably destroy the Earth as well.

The Master cowered behind a corner, the Doctor right on his heels. "This will hardly serve as an effective hiding place," said the Doctor, as the sound of running feet and hissing loomed closer.

"You're right," said the Master. He turned to the Doctor. "Kiss me."

"What?" said the Doctor, aghast.

"Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable," explained the Master hurriedly.

"Yes, they do," agreed the Doctor. "But how will it affect Gorgons?"

"Seems like a perfect time to find out," said the Master, wasting no time as the half-snake, half-human creatures rushed by, cupped the Doctor's face and pulling him down abruptly for a kiss.

The Doctor managed to hold back a surprised "Mmph!" as the Master smashed his lips against his and held him there, snogging him hard. The Master didn't release him until the Gorgons were well gone, both of them gasping for breath, despite using their respiratory bypasses.

"I..." said the Doctor, panting slightly, "I can't believed that worked!"

"Yes, amazing things, perception filters," said the Master, pulling one such device out of his pocket.

The Doctor gaped. "You had a perception filter on your person?!"

"Our person, Doctor," corrected the Master, a near invisible smirk flickering beneath his whiskers. "Our union allowed both of us to fall under its cloaking mechanism and hide us from the Gorgons."

"But what was that line about, 'public displays of affection make people uncomfortable'?" asked the Doctor.

The Master shrugged. "I lied."

"Oh! I think I hear them doubling back!" said the Doctor suddenly, shoving the Master against the wall and kissing him back, hard, shoving his tongue down the other Time Lord's throat.

The Master let out a triumphant chuckle as the Doctor kissed the living daylights out of him (no Gorgons came back, incidentally). His plan had gone perfectly.


	41. Sweet Dreams

**Just...aww.**

* * *

Title: "Sweet Dreams"  
Starring: Ten/Simm!Master  
Summary: The Doctor has nightmares. Good thing his Master is here to protect him.

* * *

The Master, for as long as he could remember, had always liked watching the Doctor sleep. It was, to him, a sign of surrender, of trust that the Master would not kill him and steal his TARDIS once he was asleep. Besides, it allowed him to just simply..._look_ at his Doctor. Traditionally, Time Lords didn't need much sleep (although after spending so much time with his humans, the Doctor slept unusually long and often for one of his kind), so the Master preferred to spend those dark hours in bed after the Doctor had drifted off to sleep just lying there, keeping a vigil over his Doctor.

He liked to watch the Doctor's quivering bottom lip or swelling nostrils as he breathed in, calm, serene, and even. He liked to watch those long eyelashes flutter slightly as his dormant pupils moved behind his closed eyelids restlessly when he dreamed. Sometimes the Doctor turned over or stretched in his sleep, or let out little sighs or content hums that let the Master know that he was dreaming happy dreams, but for the most part, the Doctor was a still sleeper.

Which is was why the Master knew something was wrong when the Doctor began wriggling and whimpering in his sleep one night. "Doctor?" he whispered.

"No," he moaned. "No more..."

"Doctor?" said the Master again, getting concerned.

"No, please, I can't!" The Doctor cried out desperately. "No more!"

"Doctor!" exclaimed the Master, shaking him awake.

The Doctor gasped as he came to, his freckled skin cold and clammy with sweat. "You were having one hell of a nightmare, my dear," said the Master, cupping his cheeks.

The Doctor buried his face in the Master's chest. "The war," he gasped, distressed. "The Time War."

"I imagined," said the Master, stroking his hair reassuringly while pulling him closer.

The Doctor was shaking. "It was so terrible. It was so _real_-"

"It was only a dream, my dear," said the Master, kissing the top of his head, his spiky and surprisingly soft brown hair, slightly damp with cold sweat.

"I know, I know," the Doctor said, his voice muffled, into his chest. "But I was doing it again. I was activating the Moment. I was destroying Gallifrey, watching it burn. I saw the Sisters of Karn, and they were telling me that it had to be me, that I had to take action. I didn't want to, but they said I must-"

"It's over now, Doctor. The Time War is over," soothed the Master.

"All gone," whispered the Doctor. "The planet, the Time Lords...they're all gone."

The Master smiled sadly as he turned the Doctor's head to look up at him. "They're not _all_ gone, my dear."

The Doctor managed to smile back and nuzzled the Master's chest. "I love you. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You are not alone, my dear Doctor," said the Master, holding him tightly. He put his fingertips to the Doctor's temples and projected good memories into his mind-their days at the Academy, back in the days when Gallifrey thrived, and they were just simple, uncomplex children, running wild in the rich red grass, the warmth of the double suns on their faces, tender, stolen kisses they shared when they grew a bit older. It was Gallifrey the way the Doctor preferred to remember it.

The Doctor settled his head on the Master's shoulder, his heartsrate already slowing as his heavy eyelids drooped like sandbags. Just before he fell asleep, he heard the Master say, "You will never be alone again."


	42. The Cat's Meow

**I will never stop making **_**Survival**_** kitty!Master jokes. Never!**

* * *

Title: "The Cat's Meow"  
Starring: Seventh Doctor (making his debut appearance)/Ainley!Master, Ace  
Summary: The Doctor's new pet is something of a troublemaker...and seems ominously familiar.

* * *

"So, Professor, where to next?" asked Ace, leaning on the TARDIS console.

"Well, I thought perhaps I could show you the gardens of Ensign," the Doctor said. "The trees there range in size from skyscrapers to toothpicks-Ace? What are you doing?"

"I heard this scritching noise coming from the outside," said Ace, making her way over to the front door. She opened it, looked out, and gasped. "Oh, Professor, look!"

"What is it?" asked the Doctor.

She bent down and picked something up. She turned to show the Doctor. "It's a cat!"

The wriggling, pure black feline looked up at the Doctor, its tail swishing back and forth, its yellow eyes glinting. It meowled at him.

"Oh, Ace, put that cat out," said the Doctor. "The last thing we need in the TARDIS is an animal."

"Oh, but Professor, he's so furry!" exclaimed Ace, scratching behind the cat's ears. "Come on, wouldn't you like a pet?"

"No, I really wouldn't," said the Doctor, recalling a similar conversation he'd had with Susan once about a stray terrier that had been milling around I.M. Foreman's junkyard. "This ship has nine hundred odd rooms. It would get lost, and then it would probably starve or die of lack of water. Trust me, animals on the TARDIS isn't a good-"

The Doctor was cut off as the cat managed to squirm out Ace's arms and padded over to him. It rubbed up against his legs and purred unashamedly.

"See, he likes you!" said Ace happily. "Please can we keep him? _Please_?"

The Doctor sighed, knowing he'd been beat. "Alright," he said, raising his hands in surrender. "But you're responsible for feeding and upkeep of the litter box, understand?"

"Yes, Professor, I know." Ace scooped up the cat, ignoring his surprised yowl of protest. "Come on, cat. Let's go find you some string to play with."

The Doctor sighed and watched the girl and her new pet go. As Ace was walking out of the console room, the cat turned to look over her shoulder, his sharp yellow eyes piercing the Doctor.

A sudden shudder with through the Doctor. For a moment, he felt as though that cat _knew him_.

He shook his head. "Don't be ridiculous," he said to himself, turning to his console and inspecting the Hetrafox meter.

Ace presumably spent the whole day playing with her new pet, because several hours later, Ace, dressed in her pajamas, tossed a casual "'Night, Professor!'" as she walked past the console room on the way to her bedroom, the cat snuggled in her arms.

"Hm? Oh yes, night, Ace," the Doctor replied absently, submersed in repairing a component of the TARDIS. A little while later, he decided that he too should go get some sleep. So, he went to his own room, and began taking off his clothes.

_Reow!_ Suddenly, the cat came running in. He leapt up onto the Doctor's bed and curled up into a ball.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you don't sleep in here," said the Doctor, dressed in shirt, trousers, and socks. He reached to pick the cat up and deliver him outside, but the cat hissed at him, back arched and ears flattened.

The Doctor leapt back. The cat glared at him imperiously.

The Doctor picked up his umbrella and brandished it at the cat. "Shoo!" he said.

The cat gave him a shockingly humanoid amused look.

The Doctor shook his head slightly. He was seeing things. He turned the umbrella over and nudged him gently with the red curved handle. "Go on," he muttered.

The cat exhaled in what the Doctor would have sworn was a derisive snort and lay his diamond shaped head on his paws, clearly settled in.

"Oh...fine," sighed the Doctor exasperatedly. With slight indignation, he resumed unbuttoning his shirt. He was on the fourth button when he became vaguely aware that the cat was watching him attentively, his tail swishing back and forth ominously.

The Doctor squirmed. "Stop watching me," he said.

The cat blinked, but otherwise his cold yellow stare remained constant.

_This is stupid_, the Doctor thought to himself. _I'm self-conscious about changing in front of a cat!_ He stood there, determined to be in control of his own domain, until finally with a resigned huff, he snatched up his nightshirt and stomped into the bathroom.

"How utterly ridiculous," the Doctor muttered furiously to himself as he roughly shoved off his clothes and tugged the nightshirt over his head (twice, because the first time, he put it on backwards). "I'm acting as if that cat is...a person!"

He rushed out of the bathroom. The cat was peacefully dozing on the foot of his bed. The Doctor huffed to himself again and climbed into bed, throwing the covers over him and staring up at the ceiling before shutting his eyes and trying to go to sleep.

Just as he was nodding off, he woke abruptly as the cat hoisted itself up onto his stomach, made biscuits briefly, then settled itself. The cat's golden eyes glowed in the dark as they stared at the Doctor, daring him to do something about it.

The Doctor groaned and just lay back, shut his eyes, and went to sleep.

* * *

When the Doctor woke the next morning, the cat was gone. "Good," he muttered, and then laughed humorlessly at himself. It was silly, getting all in a tiff over an animal!

After a quick wash up, he reached for his clothes, which he had lain on a chair the night before. He put on his pants, trousers, shirt, socks, shoes, and tie, but when he reached for his yellow sweater vest with the red question marks, he found it missing.

The Doctor was puzzled and looked around the mostly neat room for it. He was fairly sure he'd taken it off before the cat had crawled in, so it should be in here. Even so, he still looked in the bathroom for it. But the sweater vest was nowhere to be found. He simply shrugged and went to the wardrobe. He put on the first vest he found-red plaid-slid on his beige jacket and paisley scarf over it, and went to the console room.

"Morning, Professor!" said Ace cheerfully as he came in. "New vest?"

"Yes," replied the Doctor. "It would seem that my other one has gone missing."

"Speaking of missing, have you seen the cat?" asked Ace.

"No, not this morning," he said. "I'm sure he's just exploring the TARDIS. Come on, let's go see the gardens."

After a pleasant excursion of the planet of Ensign (where incidentally, the Doctor and Ace encountered a peaceful colony of Graske, if you can believe that), they returned to the TARDIS.

"Here, kitty kitty!" called Ace. "Oh, there he is!"

The cat was standing on the console, his paws poised on several miscellaneous buttons. "Get down from there!" the Doctor shooed, brushing the animal away from the controls. With a hiss, the cat bolted from the room in a flash of black fur.

"Oh dear," said the Doctor, inspecting the controls. "Somehow that infernal beast reset the thermo-transcopic regulators."

"Hey, come on, Professor, it was just an accident," said Ace.

"Hmm. If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was deliberate," uttered the Doctor, stroking his chin philosophically.

Ace laughed. "Deliberate? He's just a cat!"

"In any event, we're stranded," sighed the Doctor, resignedly taking off his jacket and hanging it with his hat on the stand by the door. He'd just done repairs on the ship last night! "You better run along and feed that mangy animal. I have work to do."

"Okay." Shoving her hands in the pockets of her black windbreaker, she headed off in the direction the cat had run. As the Doctor bent to further inspect the panel, he heard Ace say in the hallway, "Uh oh..."

"What is it?" he called.

Ace came back in with a sheepish expression. She was carrying a mass of frayed, tangled, matted yarn. _Yellow_ yarn.

The Doctor stared, mouth agape, heartsbrokenly at the shredded, tattered remains of what had previously been his favorite jumper.

That. Damn. Cat.

* * *

Since the Doctor was nice and was much too fond of Ace for his own good, he didn't tell her that she had to get rid of the cat.

Over the next few weeks, the strange occurrences kept happening. He kept catching the cat in the console room, doing what seemed like trying to crash his TARDIS. Not to mention, whenever Ace wasn't around, the Doctor had the eerie feeling that the animal was watching him, like a predator, waiting for an opportunity to pounce on him. The Doctor also caught the cat sniffing around the door of his lab regularly, strangely enough.

The vase incident really convinced the Doctor that there was something to his paranoia. One day, he was simply walking through a corridor of the TARDIS, when a falling vase from a shelf above narrowly missed his head.

The Doctor jumped and looked up. There sat the damnable animal, perched on the shelf as if he'd been awaiting the Doctor. His tail was flicking back and forth innocently and yet oh so incriminatingly. His yellow eyes pierced the Doctor menacingly.

The Doctor swallowed and walked away, quicker than he normally would.

Despite the suspicious attempts on his TARDIS and his life, the cat continued to sleep peacefully in the Doctor's bed every night. It would be perfectly comfortable in Ace's room, but it seemed to prefer the company of the Doctor, rubbing and cuddling up to him in a manner the Doctor might dare to call "loving".

The Doctor chuckled to himself one night as he lay in bed, stroking the cat's black, silky fur. "With all these mixed signals, I should call you Koschei."

The cat's head whipped around at the sound of the word, and his tail stuck straight up. He stared at the Doctor, yellow eyes widened.

Later, the Doctor told himself that he had simply imagined the cat's reaction.

One day, when the Doctor had taken Ace back home to Perivale to visit old friends, he decided to start some new experiments. The door to his lab slid open for him, but before he could enter, the cat streaked in like a bolt of black lightning.

"Hey, you can't come in here!" exclaimed the Doctor, rushing after the animal. It ignored him and flung itself onto a shelf the Doctor inconveniently couldn't reach without a step ladder, being so diminutive in this incarnation. It began nosing through the various vials he had archived up there.

"Be careful!" shouted the Doctor, immediately feeling foolish for talking to the animal as if it were a person (no matter how _intelligent_ it seemed at times). "You'll knock something-" The Doctor's warning was cut off by the acute sound of a glass vial falling and breaking as it hit the ground.

"-down," sighed the Doctor. The cat jumped to the floor and immediately began lapping up the solution on the floor.

"Hey, don't drink that!" The Doctor began to pull the cat away, but paused, noticing the distinct lemon yellow hue of the not-so-random solution the cat had knocked to the floor. It was, the Doctor observed, a sample of Dracmarian restorative drought. It would supposedly reverse the effects of many viruses and diseases found in the Techtracta system in the Nemoid galaxy, home to one Leoferia, or more commonly known throughout the cosmos...the cheetah planet.

The Doctor began to put the pieces together as the cat continued to drink, already growing in size and fur disappearing. The TARDIS sabotage, the eerie, more than run-of-the-mill-feline glances, the fervent purring while receiving pets from the Doctor... "Of all the cats in all the universe, she had to pick you up," said the Doctor, shaking his head.

"Indeed, my dear Doctor," said the Master, standing up, the effects of the cheetah virus reversing, but not completely-he would need a real cure for that. He was basically humanoid now, fur, long tail, and pointy ears gone, although yellow eyes and sharp incisors still remained. He now leered down at the Doctor with them, wiping his chin of a few stray droplets of the restorative, and due to feline instinct, automatically ran his hand through his disheveled brown hair several times. "The universe works in mysterious ways, does it not?"

The Doctor rolled his eyes dramatically and passed the Master a lab coat to cover himself with (because of course, the Master's clothes had not simply popped in and out of existence with the transformation, and now here he was, stark naked, in the middle of the Doctor's laboratory). "I suppose I should have known it was you," snapped the Doctor. "I guess I just assumed you would escape that planet on your own before the virus translated your DNA so completely."

"I did escape eventually," said the Master. He gave the Doctor a Look. "Without your assistance, I might add."

"Sorry," said the Doctor brusquely, then after a moment, added, with more contrition, "I did go back to find you, but by then, the planet had reduced itself to rubble."

"Yes, well, you can make amends for that," said the Master.

"Amends?" said the Doctor uncomfortably. If the Master meant what he _thought_ he meant-

"Make me a cure," said the Master simply.

The Doctor was surprised, and let out of a breath he hadn't known he was holding. "Oh. A cure. Well, of course. I'd be happy to."

He promptly got to work, pulling out various chemicals he'd need to make the antidote, but jumped when he felt the Master's breath on the back of his neck as he hissed arousingly in his ear, "...and then we'll discuss _other_ forms of payment."

"_Mmph_."


	43. RLA-One Good Turn

**I know, I know, I have this obsession with **_**Planet Of Fire**_**, but I honestly always wondered-how did the Master live? This is my theory. Plus it answers the age old question, "Why did the Master rescue the Sixth Doctor from the Valeyard in **_**ToaTL: The Ultimate Foe**_**?" Well, I mean, we all know **_**why**_**, but…you'll see.**

* * *

Title: "One Good Turn", _The Red Lady Adventures  
_Starring: The Red Lady, naturally; Ainley!Master, and mentions of other characters.  
Summary: The Master owes the Red Lady (and the Doctor, for that matter) big time. (Contains references to _Planet Of Fire_, _The Caves Of Androzani, The Mark Of The Rani,_ and _Trial Of A Time Lord_.)

* * *

The Master burst out laughing when the Red Lady asked him for the favor. He'd been a bit suspicious when she randomly walked into his TARDIS and offered to make him breakfast, but never would he have expected this absurd request. "I'm being perfectly serious here," said the Red Lady evenly, staring the Master down from across the table.

"Oh yes, of course you are," said the Master, still chortling as he dabbed his mouth and beard with his napkin. The Red Lady had cooked him up some common Earth meal: "scrambled" eggs, bacon, toasted bread, and a hearty stack of what she called "pancakes", which didn't really taste like cake, but it had indeed been made in a pan, and with batter, and it was sweet like cake, especially when she added blueberries to the mix and drizzled the flat cakes with a delightfully sticky and sugary concoction called maple syrup. His Traken system had found the whole spread very alluring, and he was now feeling a bit swollen in his abdominal region after gorging on the fruits of her labor. "Let me see if I have everything: you want me to collect the Doctor's insufferable compatriots, a 'Melanie Bush' and a Mister 'Sabalom Glitz' from somewhere in spacetime, transport them and myself to Gallifrey, infiltrate the planet's official and highly secured information Matrix, and defend the Doctor from an evil future version of himself?"

"Yes."

The Master smirked. "And you want me to go to all that trouble in exchange for a simple breakfast? Not that I'm degrading your culinary skills, my dear Red Lady, not at all."

"Thank you. And no, the breakfast was just to soften you up. Because I know you'll go, Master."

"Oh really?" The Master raised an eyebrow. "And why is that? Because I'm _infatuated_ with him, as you so often imply?"

"No," said the Red Lady calmly. "It's because you owe both of us your life."

The Master dropped his cutlery in surprise. "What?"

"Yes, Master." The Red Lady stared him down. "Didn't you find it convenient that just as you were about to burn to a crisp on Sarn, you were transmatted to the comforts of your own TARDIS, with minimal burns?"

"So that was you," said the Master, grumbling slightly. "I suppose I should have known you'd have a hand in it. Well, alright. I'm beholden to _you_, Red Lady. But as for the Doctor, he was willing to leave me to die! I have no debt to pay to him."

"Oh no?" the Red Lady said. "What if I told you that I wasn't acting of my own accord?"

* * *

_The Red Lady watched with despondency as the Fifth Doctor lay on the floor of the TARDIS, giving into the deadly effects of spectrox toxaemia. "Oh, Doctor," she wept, taking his hand and squeezing it, stroking his cheek, forehead, and hair with ultimate care. "It's not fair. If only…if only…"_

"_It's alright," said the Doctor breathily, patting her hand._

_Red sniffled. "You were very brave, giving Peri the last of the antidote."_

_The Doctor gasped and clutched her hand tightly. "Is this death?" he rasped._

"_No," said Red, shaking her head. "You will live. You must. You can't give up. You're going to regenerate now. It's time to say goodbye, Doctor."_

"_Maybe you're right," he said, blinking heavily. His light blue eyes rolled up to the ceiling and stared off blankily. "I don't know…feels different this time…"_

_As he entered the first stages of regeneration, the Red Lady continued to hold his hand and stroke his hair. Suddenly, the Doctor gasped out, "Red Lady…there's something…something you must do…for me."_

"_Yes, Doctor, anything," said Red, looking concerned._

"_Save…him…you must…save him…"_

"_Who? Save who, Doctor?" she asked. She assumed he meant Adric._

_The Doctor took in a few stuttering sips of breath. "Koschei," he whispered. "Must save…Koschei."_

"_The Master? But, Doctor, you…"_

"_Made…a mistake…" the Doctor strained. "Please, Red. Do this for me…save him. Save him from me."_

"_Alright, Doctor," said the Red Lady, nodding fervently. "I will."_

"_No, no! You must go now!" cried out the Doctor. "Before…before __**he**__ comes."_

"_But I can't just leave you! You're dying!"_

"_It's alright," said the Doctor tiredly, closing his eyes. "I'll be alright. I have Peri. And the others. Tegan, Turlough, Nyssa…they're all with me. I can see them. Please, go now. Before __**he**__ can tell you no."_

_The Red Lady choked. "Okay." She kissed him on the forehead and stood up. "I'll be back! As soon as I can!" She rushed out of the TARDIS. As she did, she thought she heard the Doctor say, "Adric?"_

_So she went back. Back to Sarn. She watched all over again as the Master stepped into the blue flame and revived himself, as he pleaded with the Doctor to spare him, as she herself beseeched and then screeched at the Doctor in frustration._

"_Won't you show mercy to your own-" Just as the Master began screaming, the Red Lady teleported him to the safety of his own TARDIS, leaving the Doctor and her past self to believe that he was dead. Then when the underground temple began to cave in, and the two of them rushed into the TARDIS, she sent herself back to the Doctor from her own timeline._

"_Doctor, I'm back!" she cried as she reentered the TARDIS. " I did it, he's-Doctor?"_

_The Red Lady looked at the man sitting on the floor. He was blonde, but this time it was mattress spring curls, and the gentle smile was replaced by a cocky sneer, which he gave to her as he turned and said, "You were expecting someone else?"_

_Peri was still sitting in the corner where the Doctor had laid her down. "What's happened?" she asked the Red Lady, aghast._

_The Red Lady sighed. "Change, my dear."_

"_And it seems not a moment too soon," added the new Doctor, inspecting his new features in a hand mirror vainly._

_The Red Lady snorted. She liked the Sixth Doctor just fine, even if he was an ass sometimes-all the time-but he would never take the place in her heart of Fivey. He'd been right. Six wouldn't have told her to save the Master. But in the throws of regeneration, Fivey had. He wouldn't even remember what he'd done. _

_Resignedly, she hoisted the new Doctor to his feet, mentally preparing herself for a long day of Peri-strangling, hideously-patterned coats, and snarky comebacks._

* * *

The Master sat in stunned silence as the Red Lady told him all this. "You see, Master? He didn't leave you to die. That's the thing about the Doctor…no matter how much he denies it…he always comes back to you. Just like you do him."

The Master sat there a few more silent moments, then stood up and made for his console room.

The Red Lady smiled serenely at his retreating back.

* * *

"Hang on," said the primitive Sabalom Glitz. "You told me this fleshy, fair-haired personage was the one you wanted to croak."

The Master smirked coldly. "With the Doctor as my enemy, I always have the advantage."

The Doctor let out a derisive snort, which the Master gracefully ignored. "But the Valeyard, the distillation of all that's evil in you, untainted by virtue, a composite of your every dark thought, is a different proposition. Additionally, he's infuriated me by threatening to deny me the pleasure of personally bringing about your destruction. And so he must pay the price."

The Red Lady listened to the exchange from the kitchen, shaking her head. _Bollocks, Master_, she thought to herself._ Absolute bollocks._


	44. In Another Life

**I think a lot of you follow my story, **_**You Are Not Alone**_**, about the Ninth and Tenth Doctor with a fob-watched Master (basically an AU of Seasons 1-3). But if you don't, Sam Tyler is the human version of the Master in Pete Tyler's world. The name came from a character John Simm played on **_**Life On Mars**_**. Plus, the letters rearrange to spell out "masterly". Cool, right?!**

**Also, sorry, Rose.**

* * *

Title: "In Another Life"  
Starring: Metacrisis!Doctor/Human!Simm!Master  
Summary: Rose broke it off with Tentoo, so what's a fella to do by himself?

* * *

Dr. John Smith Noble, laden with groceries, sighed wearily as he walked down the street to his apartment. It had been two weeks since Rose kicked him out.

"Why?" he'd pleaded with her.

"Because ya not 'im!" she exclaimed, slamming the door in his face.

Rose was right. John Noble (his last name taken in honor of dear old Donna) was not the Doctor. Not really. He was as close as this universe was going to get, but still...he got the vibe that Rose wasn't going to be satisfied with him. She had loved the man, of course, but she longed for that spirit of adventure she'd had with the Doctor. Now, here she was, with a human, TARDIS-less, would-be Doctor. Of course she was unhappy.

John sighed again and drug around in his pocket for his key. It toppled out and fell on the ground.

"Bugger," he muttered, bending down to pick it up, but someone beat him to it.

"Here, you dropped this," said the man.

"Thanks," said John, briefly looking at the man...then did a double take and looked again.

It was the Master.

"Y-you?!" spluttered John, dropping his grocery bag.

"Whoops," said the Master, easily catching the bag. "You and gravity don't get along too well, do you?"

"Well, I'm more attuned to the gravity on Gallifrey, I suppose," said John, throwing the other man a suspicious look.

"Gallifrey? Is that in Ireland?" The Master cocked his head to one side.

John swallowed nervously and looked over the man. He looked the same as the last time he'd-well, the _Doctor_ had seen him. Same brown hair, same green eyes, different clothes though, oh, and also the fact that he was _alive_. But there was something different about him than just that. He was smiling politely at John, as if he were just another guy and _not_ his deadliest-enemy-and-old-friend-who-at-some-point-he'd-been-in-love-with. There was no evil or malice in his eyes or grin.

John's eyebrows scrunched curiously. He slowly reached out and put his hand on the Master's chest.

One heart.

"Er...what are you doing?" asked the man who was not the Master, confused.

"Sorry," said John, snatching his hand back. It dawned on him that this was the Master from _this_ world. And apparently, this Master was human.

"I'm John," he said quickly, still being scrutinized by the not-Master. "What's your name?"

He half-expected "Harold Saxon", but no, the man replied, "Sam Tyler. You're that bloke who moved in a couple weeks ago, yeah?"

"Yeah," answered John, head spinning. "Girlfriend kicked me out."

"Ah. Always the women," chortled Sam, nodding.

John's eyes widened. That had been one of the things the Master had said to him-well, the _Doctor_ before he'd died in his arms. Surely this couldn't be a coincidence.

"You just gonna stand there all day, mate?" asked Sam.

"Er...no." John quickly turned around and unlocked his door. "Er, thanks, Mas-Sam."

"No problem," Sam shrugged and began walking away, idly tapping a beat on his leg.

"Er...unless," John called after him, "...you like a cuppa, or something?"

Sam turned around. "Yeah. Okay. That'd be great. Thanks."

"My pleasure, Sam Tyler," said John, smiling. "My pleasure."


	45. Captive Of The Daleks

**Why am I in a fairy tale mood? You got me. FLUFF AHOY!**

****Title: "Captive Of The Daleks"  
Starring: Five/Ainley!Master, various vague Time Lords, Daleks  
Summary: A Middle Ages AU. I just wanted something where the Master had to rescue Fivey from a tower. Slightly OOC.

The Master Knight and Alchemist of the kingdom of Gallifrey, Sir Koschei, was in his dungeon lab, doing experiments, when there came a timid knock at his door.

"Enter," Sir Koschei, or as he was more simply known, the Master, bade, and the messenger hesitantly came in. Many of the castle staff feared the ominous entity, and scooted to the other sides of the corridors when they saw him approach.

"Sir," squeaked the messenger, Runcible. "I come bearing a request, from Queen Romana."

"Yes, what is it?" asked the Master imperiously, but not harshly.

"Well, sir," said Runcible, a little encouraged by the Master's civil but non-threatening tone, "it's the royal Medic, the Lord Doctor. He went on a expedition into the vast forest ten days ago and has not returned."

The Master's brown eyes flared slightly, and turned coal black. "Has he?" he asked, a chilling note in his voice all of a sudden.

"Well," Runcible gulped. "The Queen fears that he may have fallen in some danger. She desires that you go and fetch him back."

At once, the Master began gathering various potions and magical odds and ends in a bag and donned his riding cloak. "Tell her Majesty that I shall go at once."

"Yes sir, at once, sir!" rambled Runcible, rushing from the room, relieved to be rid of the man's company.

The Master went to the stable and demanded his horse. The great black steed was brought to him immediately and the Master took off for the dark forest.

The Master was a talented tracker. Even though the trail had been cold for over a week, the Master was able to sort out the Doctor's path. It was fairly easy, since they were both Time Lords, and their life forces left specific signatures. It was especially helpful that the Doctor's particular life signature was so intimately familiar to the Master.

After many weary hours of riding, the Master reached a knot in the wood where it was apparent that approximately eight days ago, there had been some kind of altercation. The Master demounted his horse and examined the scene.

He immediately recognized the distinct roller tracks of the robotic creatures that served the dictator of the neighboring kingdom, Skaro. Skaro and Gallifrey had an uneasy truce, and the various leaders of Gallifrey always seemed to be at odds with Skaro's tyrannical ruler, Davros.

Then, the Master found something bright and light green lying in the dirt, in the wake of the Daleks' path.

It was a stalk of celery.

The Master's gloved hands curled into tight fists. So it was the Daleks that had kidnapped his beloved Doctor. He would soon see them pay for that, he swore on his honor as a favored knight. He would not rest until every filthy Dalek that dared to harm his lover was slaughtered with no mercy. But right now, there was a more pressing matter.

With the quiet rage of a protective lover, he restrode his horse, black cloak flapping a great bat's wings, and took off in the direction of the tracks.

He found himself at a lonely tower lodged in a thick patch of the wood. The tracks and the Doctor's life signature led him here. The Doctor must be inside.

"_Halt. Halt_," called a blaring, gratingly familiar metallic voice, and a Dalek rolled into view. "_Identity yourself_," it ordered.

"I am the Master," he growled. "Overknight and chief Alchemist to the Queen of Gallifrey."

"_You are a Time Lord_," assessed the Dalek.

"How very astute of you to conclude," said the Master. "I also happen to be the lover of your prisoner."

Before the Dalek could utter the first "_EXTERMINATE!_", the Master whipped out his "magic wand", which was really just a Tissue Compression Eliminator, his own design, and slayed the Dalek with absolutely no qualms. He waited, observing his surrounding, expecting more, but none came. Typical Dalek way of thinking, belief that one simple Dalek could guard a prisoner. Well, maybe in some cases. But not when the prisoner was the Doctor. The Daleks, bereft of all knowledge of emotional attachment, couldn't possibly know how the Master would move heaven and earth to retrieve him.

With no more threats, the Master blasted the wooden door (very clever of the Daleks, knowing the Doctor's sonic screwdriver couldn't unlock a wooden door) with his TCE and wasted no time hurrying inside.

At the top of a long and winding staircase, the Master found a door that no doubt led to the Doctor. He blasted that one out of the way as well and burst into the room.

On the bed, a man with fair hair and tanned skin looked up. His light blue eyes widened with relief at the sight of his rescuer. "Koschei," he whispered joyous.

"Theta," replied the Master, crossing the room and sweeping his lover into a fervent embrace. The Doctor, who had been locked up for days, whimpered with contentment as the Master kissed the living daylights out of him, letting him know that not only had he been missed, but that he was safe, and that the Master would not let anything happen to him.

"Quickly, my dear," said the Master, breaking off the kiss. "They'll be more of them coming at any moment. We must go now."

"Yes, of course, you're right," said the Doctor, reaching under his bed and pulling out an improvised escape rope made out of what appeared to be his bed sheets and several articles of his clothing.

"I was almost done with it when I heard you coming," said the Doctor. "I hid it, thinking that you were one of them. It's not quite long enough, though."

"Use this," said the Master, surrendering his traveling black cloak.

The Doctor, inspired, kissed his lover. Then he quickly added the cloak to the makeshift rope, tied one end to the bed post nearest his window, and threw the rope out.

As the Doctor and the Master prepared to make their escape, a fleet of Daleks appeared in the doorway. "_THE PRISONER IS ESCAPING! EXTERMINATE!_" cried one.

The Doctor looked at his love and grinned cleverly. "Sorry," he called to the Daleks. "Must dash!" And he and the Master descended the great rope.

Once on the ground, the Master quickly mounted his horse. The Doctor climbed on behind him, his arms firmly wrapped around the Master's torso. They took off, the Doctor proclaiming, "I hoped you'd rescue me."

"Naturally, my dear," said the Master, leaving the tower and the Daleks, still screaming "_EXTERMINATE!_", far behind them. "After all...a kingdom without you scarcely bears thinking about out."

The Doctor kissed his cheek, and snuggled himself closer. His long, straw colored hair brushed against the Master's coarse brown beard hairs as he settled his chin on the other's man shoulder and said, "I love you."


	46. Fivey Likes The Beard

**Another Five/Ainley? I know, I ought to be ashamed of myself. But I just can't resist these two! And I don't care what the Doctor says, that beard is sexy as fook, and he knows it! *srs face***

* * *

Title: "Fivey Likes The Beard"  
Starring: Adorable!Fivey/Smug!Ainley (When is he not?)  
Summary: The Doctor doesn't want the Master to shave. (Warning: schmexy beard fetish.)

* * *

"Master?" said the Doctor, coming in and finding his lover currently tearing their shared bathroom apart. "Is something the matter?"

"My razor seems to have been misplaced," replied the man in black, checking inside the medicine cabinet for the nth time.

At this, the Doctor blanched and muttered something quickly while walking out the way he came.

"Doctor?" The Master turned around and watched his lover leave. He followed him out into their bedroom. "You wouldn't happen to know where my razor has gone, would you?"

"Erm...no." The Doctor blushed, squirming under the other man's suspicious gaze.

The Master raised an eyebrow dubiously. "You're a terrible liar in this incarnation, my dear. Why have you absconded with my razor, Doctor?"

"Well, I...I...oh, never mind, I'll give it back." The Doctor fetched the razor from the drawer of his nightstand and returned it to the Master. "Here."

The Master took it from him and set it aside. He sat down on the bed and pulled the other Time Lord onto his lap. "Now," he said, putting a finger underneath the Doctor's chin. "Tell me why you stole the razor."

"I...oh, it's silly," said the Doctor, cheeks flushing pink.

"I'd like to know," persisted the Master.

"Well, I...I didn't want you to shave," admitted the Doctor shyly. "I like your beard," he added, touching the other man's coarse facial hairs tentatively.

"Do you?" said the Master, a bit surprised. Of all his characteristics the Doctor found unsavory, he'd always assumed his beard was one of them (he kept it in part to annoy him).

"Well, yes," said the Doctor, embarrassed. He petted his beard with the dainty tips of his fingers, like a cat owner might stroke their pet's fur. "It's nice."

"Merely 'nice', my dear?"

"Very nice," the Doctor corrected himself.

"Surely there's more to it than that," the Master pressed.

"Well...it's soft," mumbled the Doctor. "But it's rough too, in a desirable way. And it smells good too, like you." He dipped to press his nose to the Master's jawline, inhaling the woodsey scent and swiftly kissing his chin through the hairs. "Besides, you'd look terribly silly without it," he couldn't resist stating, chuckling slightly.

"And it feels good on my skin," added the Doctor, lightly scraping his cheek against the Master's beard. The Master thought he could feel the Doctor practically purring; this matter had clearly been preying on his mind for some time. The Doctor continued brushing his soft cheek against the Master's grizzly one and hummed contentedly.

The Master kissed the Doctor deeply, and the Doctor laughed gently as those thick hairs swiped at his face delightfully. The Master pulled the Doctor's jumper off over his head and made him lie back, taking off his braces and unbuttoning his shirt, landing a trail of scratchy kisses down the Doctor's neck, sternum, pectorals (he made sure to give each pink nipple a good nuzzle, making the Doctor cry out and arch up against his hairy lover), and abdominal muscles, taking care to give the Doctor's delicate skin a good brush with his bristly beard hairs all the way. He paused at the waistband of the Doctor's stripy trousers. He gave his lover a wry look.

"So," he said, slowly unbuttoning the trousers. "No shave, then?"

"Definitely not," agreed the Doctor, and then he got a whole new appreciation for the Master's beard entirely.


	47. Alive

**Just a stray bonus scene from my main fan fiction, **_**You Are Not Alone**_**. If you don't know (I think most of you read it), Sam Tyler (an anagram for 'masterly') is the fobwatch!Master that travels with the Ninth and Tenth Doctor (in place of Rose). I use his name as an alias for the Master often, as I'm sure you've noticed.**

**By the way, the robot is the Android!Master from **_**Scream Of The Shalka**_**.**

* * *

Title: "Alive"  
Starring: Tenth Doctor, Sam Tyler, Android!Master  
Summary: Sam comes across a strange item while exploring the TARDIS.

* * *

It was just one of those peaceful days on the TARDIS. It was a day when the Doctor and Sam didn't have to go rushing off to save a planet from Cybermen or Sycorax or Slitheen. It was nice.

Sam utilized these days to just chat with the Doctor, since there was really nothing he liked better to do, but for some reason, he couldn't seem to locate the skinny bloke, and now he was wandering the vast corridors of the TARDIS, searching for him. He hoped he wouldn't get lost, but if he did, the TARDIS would direct him back to the console room…at least, he thought she would. The Doctor had given her a stern talking-to the first time she'd gotten him lost, and she'd been mildly good ever since, although Sam still had the notion she didn't like him. But for what reason, he didn't know.

"Doctor?" he called, checking every room he came across. He'd started in the obvious places: the console room, the Doctor's bedroom, the kitchen, the study, the Doctor's lab, but he couldn't be found in his usual places. So Sam was forced to just start trying every door he saw.

Down one hall, Sam found a video game arcade, a laser tag arena, a mini golf course, a mosque, a steam room, a fully equipped fairground (including roller coasters, a Ferris wheel, cotton candy vendors, and a petting zoo), a ballroom, a ball room (that is, a room whose floor was entirely a ball pit), and a cricket field, but no Doctor.

Sam tried another door at the very end of the hall. "Doctor, are you in here-whoa."

It was a trophy room. The walls were lined with wooden shelves and littered with various pedestals. There were miscellaneous artifacts displayed all over the room: a Dalek's eyestalk that had been crudely ripped off of its heavy armor, a Cyberman head, and a few other artifacts that Sam didn't recognize.

But what Sam was drawn to was the man standing in the corner. He was about Sam's height, maybe a couple of inches taller, and had black hair rimmed with grey. Even his foo man choo-esque mustache and goatee carried a small streak of grey. His skin was slightly gaunt, and his clothes consisted of a simple suit of black, buttoning all the way up to his neck. His eyes were shut, and he wasn't moving, almost like he was asleep. As Sam drew closer, he realized he must have been standing there for quite some time, because he was gathering dust and cobwebs.

He couldn't be dead, Sam told himself, as he drew closer. The Doctor wouldn't keep a dead body on board…right? Well, the Doctor had done weirder things before. Sam cautiously reached out to touch the man's arm, and as he did so, the man's eyes snapped open. They flashed electric blue, then faded to a calm hazel brown. He turned his head sharply to look Sam.

"I do not like being touched," said the man in a smooth, deep voice. "Please remove your hand."

Sam swallowed and pulled back. "Sorry. Are you…human?"

The man sighed. "No. I am not human, never have I been human. I am, or least, I once was, a Time Lord."

"Like the Doctor?"

"Yes, exactly like the Doctor," said the man condescendingly, as if Sam were simple for asking such a question.

"But he said he was the last of the Time Lords," said Sam.

"Did he?" The man raised an imperious eyebrow. "Hmm. I wonder what the fool's gone and done now. He is so terribly accident prone."

"But what do you mean, you _used_ to be a Time Lord?"

"Well, I still maintain a Time Lord's mentality. But as for my body, however, I've not been alive for some time. You see, young sir, I died. I was executed by the Daleks-you've heard of them, I take it-and was reduced to a mere wisp of myself. It was out of the kindness-or pity-of the Doctor's hearts that he constructed a humanoid receptacle for me."

"You're a robot?" guessed Sam.

"How very astute," snapped the robot man. "Yes, I am an android. A mechanical replica of what I once was. However, after a while, I shut off permanently. It was not the Doctor's doing. I assume I was revived by my people for some reason or other, and now, if what you say is true, I am dead, and the only reason I can speak now is that some particle of my essence still lingers in this bionic vessel, and that I was reactivated by your touch. Very strange that you could revive me when the Doctor could not."

"Why were you executed?" Sam pressed.

"Oh, multiple crimes against creation, murder, political scandals, general moral ambiguity, you wouldn't understand," said the robot, leaning back and closing his eyes. "And what is your name, young sir?"

"Sam. Sam Tyler."

"Well, Sam Tyler, I am going back to sleep. I suggest that you do not venture to turn me on again. I'd sorely hate to see the look on dear Doctor's face when he's found that I snapped the neck of one of his pretty little companions." The robo-Time Lord leaned back against the wall and shut his eyes.

"Er…yeah. Okay." Sam began to walk away, but turned back and said, "Wait. What's your name?"

The robot, already dozing off, muttered, "I am…_the Master_."

Sam watched, wide-eyed as the thing switched off, inanimate once more. He backed up in surprise against a pedestal showcasing a black tube-like weapon.

The Master? THE Master? The one Sam had been having the visions of? That Master?!

Sam shook his head swiftly and got out of there lickity-split, running into the tall skinny Doctor on the way out.

"Whoa, whoa, hey Sam, what's your hurry?" laughed the Doctor as he caught and steadied the other man. "You look like you've seen a ghost!"

"I think I have," said Sam.

"What?" The Doctor opened the door to the trophy room and said in surprise, "Oh! I haven't seen this room in a long time! I'm surprised you found it!"

"Doctor, there's a…a man in there," said Sam, slightly stuttering.

The Doctor's face darkened. "What sort of man?"

"Well, it wasn't a man, really, it was a robot," babbled Sam. "He was wearing black and he had a beard and he said his name was-"

"He _said_?!" exclaimed the Doctor. "He was working?!"

"Well, yeah, for a sec. But Doctor, his name was-"

"Wait here." The Doctor marched into the trophy room, slamming the door behind him.

"Oh-okay," said Sam, dazed and confused.

The Doctor went over the android Master and grabbed his hand. "Come on," he said, holding it to his cheek. "You were on. Please come back. Don't make me be alone!"

But the Master remained as lifeless as ever.

The Doctor sighed wearily and gently dropped the limp hand, and kissed the non-living forehead. "Silly of me," he said sadly. "You're dead. Just like the rest of them."

"I'm all alone."


End file.
